The Wife From the Pond

So Wifey spends a LOT of time cleaning out the garden beds. I mean a LOT. She says it relaxes her to be outside, picking leaves and branches from the rock beds. She is eccentric.

Yesterday, I was upstairs on the phone. The windows were open. I was listening to the screeching of our local peafowl -- they've been very loud lately. I thought I heard a scream, but dismissed it as a particularly loud avian screech. But then I heard VERY loud coughing -- definitely human.

I came outside to the terrace, and saw Wifey -- attempting to climb out of the pond. She had fallen in.

By the time I ran downstairs and outside, I saw the dogs looking towards the pond, with quizzical looks on their faces. Wifey was on the bank of the pond -- still coughing. She had lost her footing, slid down the bank, and gone in -- all the way. She swallowed a few gulps of water. But she was ok.

More happily, her phone, which was in a plastic sleeve, still worked. I asked her what happened, and she told me in detail. Since she was ok, I was allowed to laugh -- a lot. She even told the Ds herself.

I had her take a hot, scrubbing shower, to remove all the manner of pond life. We looked up issues that arise from swallowing pond water -- the consensus was Wifey would be just fine.

Later that night, we had a neighborhood party. Wifey is on a committee, so she went early to help set up. By the time I arrived, everyone knew about the pond adventure. I told the neighbors it was my fault -- I had the pond moved, and Wifey fell because she didn't expect to find it where it was. A few neighbors actually believed me -- proving that not all rich people are quick on the draw...

It was a very nice party -- drinking and eating apps. Dorothy was there -- a very cool, elderly, South African Jewish lady, who is a world known expert on antique map restoration. It was nice catching up with her.

Our neighbor across the street, Monica, had the best time. She's a very funny blonde woman, originally from D.C. Her husband is a Miami native, and Monica loves to always claim that Northerners are smarter than homegrown folks. The two of them are funny about that.

We left around 10. Our FHP trooper was there -- I shared with him the old line from our law school Torts professor: "I'm far too drunk to walk -- I'd better DRIVE home." He laughed -- hadn't heard that one.

We got home, and Wifey gave the pond a wide berth. We agreed that all future rock cleaning would be done away from any bodies of water.