Young and Very Old

Well last nights prom went off well. As far as I can tell, no one was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning this year, nor were any threatened with arrest by the Miami Police.

D2 came home tired but with nice memories. D1 returned from HER fraternity formal in Daytona Beach which she discovered was "South Beach if it were run by white trailer folks."

Wifey and I said goodbye to our weekend houseguest Elizabeth, and headed for a visit with Mom, who turned 89 last week. Wifey had ordered her some outfits, which came in the mail, and we decided to take them to her.

What a contrast 12 hours make: vivacious, 18 year olds, and the elderly of Delray Beach.

I've always found Mom's condo one of the ugliest housing developments this side of Soviet Russia. The architects, if there were any, designed a retirement village with zero walkways and zero shade trees. My father hated it too, and only stayed at my mother's insistence. When he met a fellow resident, he'd ask "What cell block do YOU live in?" 30 years later, the barrenness of the place continues to amaze me.

Anyway...Mom is, sadly, declining. She can barely walk, and can't bend at all. Wifey and I have started to demand she bring in some help, but she won't hear of it. She has a cleaning lady who comes every 2 weeks, and that's it.

Wifey used her bedroom toilet, and found it wouldn't flush. We asked Mom about it, and she answered in her typical passive/aggressive way that she didn't mind. Under Wifey's skillful cross examination, it came out that simply calling the service company, which covers plumbing issues, is too daunting for her.

Wifey further interrogated her, and learned that she shops with the random help of strangers at Publix or Wallmart. She can barely walk; the thought of her schlepping in packages from her car is absurd. But again --she wouldn't hear anymore about our suggestion that she let us find her an aid. "I'm fine. I can take care of myself."

She really can't. Later, during lunch, she let on that she wakes each day, and wonders why. I asked her what she concluded. "I really have no idea."

Her mother, my grandmother, told me during a visit I paid her "It's no good to get this old." I really get it.

By the end of our visit, I think Wifey convinced her to at least have her cleaning lady come once per week, to take her shopping and for errands. Then again --she was probably just placating Wifey. That's the way my Mom is.

I plan to speak to a professor friend of mine, who's a nationally known expert on Aging, and ask him for some advice about when it's time to take over completely, and when it's ok to let an elderly parent have her way.

Of course I know there are no good answers.

Ah, youth. I hope my girls enjoy it fully. The golden years are nothing but rust.