My SSA Adventure

 So I had a 9 am appointment with the Cutler Bay SSA office, to get my birth date changed from 7/12 to 7/18. Turns out, even though I have been on SSA.Gov for years, when you actually want benefits, like Medicare or SS payments, they double check, and my online account was locked out to to the discrepancy -- so I had to go into the maw of the beast.

I got there at 815, and there were already 30 people on line. My "Brazil" fears were becoming real. But at 850, a guard asked for people with appointments, and 5 of us raised our hands. We got a different line, and by 8:55 I was seated by cubicle 31 with a drawn curtain. At precisely 9, the curtain raised to a nice young Black fellow asking if I was there for a new SS card. I laughed and showed him mine "older than your parents, I bet." Turns out he didn't have much of a sense of charm or humor.

I told him the issue. Did I have a birth certificate? I did -- the one they gave to my parents in Queen, NY in late July while JFK was president, and my mother mailed to me in 1986 so I could apply for a marriage license. I handed the darkened document to him, and he frowned, and then headed off to a "specialist."

"Nope -- you need a CERTIFIED copy." I told him it was the only one we ever had, and here's my passport, and SS card, and even my latest income tax return (I thought I was over-prepared).

Not happening, he said -- what I gave him had no seal! I tried to argue they didn't have seals back then, in Queens, a blue collar borough! I got nowhere, and he told me to go online with NYC Vital Records and they could send me a certified copy, or I could visit the office in Queens personally.

I recalled one of the most hilarious things my conseugro David ever said. When we gathered at City Hall in Manhattan, for D2 and Jonathan's legal wedding so D2 could go on Jonathan's health insurance, our fellow citizens were, well, let's say diverse. Turbans, saris, feathers -- you name it. David said "Wow -- this looks like the Cantina in "Star Wars." He nailed it! I imagine the Queens Vital Records office would be that to the nth degree!

So I moped out, and called D2, and interrogated her about Wifey's latest phone issue, which they were keeping from me. I'm not sure why -- so long as my wife isn't affected, Wifey's foibles don't anger me at all. D2 wasn't spilling the Tea, but it turns out Wifey has misplaced the phone AGAIN somewhere in our house. She has a new one supposably (Miami spelling) tomorrow via FedEx.

And D2 found the site I used to order my certified birth record, which should be UPSed here by late April. Assuming it comes, I will again travel to Cutler Bay, knowing an appointment really helps, and maybe be let back into the system ahead of July, when Medicare should start, and I can say adios to the $2200 monthly Obamacare premiums.

I'm thinking I WILL start getting SS when I turn 67 instead of waiting until 70. Might as well get SOME of the money back I paid in since my teen jobs in the 70s, and invest the proceeds rather than leaving it with the government. Probably when I apply, they'll ask for my Bar Mitzvah proof. Ha! That didn't happen until I was in my 30s, right here in Miami. I'll just bring Rabbi Yossi to the office if that happens -- they dig him in Miami Dade County -- he's a police chaplain.