Ageism on President's Day

 So we had a delayed Valentine's Day celebration last night, based on the 800th episode of "The Simpsons" airing. My two dear law school friends and I were big fans, as were our wives, though truth be told, none of us has watched in a decade. But there was no school or court work today, so I took it as a sign -- ordered some pizza and wings and cannolis, fired up the firepit though it was kind of warm, poured adult and adulteress beverages, and we had a time.

Of the six of us, only one is still in what I call the "Old People Biz" -- caring for a 90 something parents. The other 11 of our beloved Moms and Dads have shuttled off this mortal coil -- and one remains -- and is the subject of tensosity between her friend and a brother who really only wants to "do what Mom wants" without taking control. I really feel for my friend -- this will only get worse before, blissfully, peace will come.

Wifey and I had three clients in the Old People Biz -- primary caregivers for my Mom and her parents. The relationship is fraught -- we were really deeply involved in raising the Ds,and all that entailed, and still had to coordinate care. We started out being deferential to their wishes, though they were often idiotic -- my Mother insisting on living alone in her condo, for example, when most of her day was spent trying to clean up the accidents she had on her carpet -- knowing if we saw them -- ALF was coming.

There's a bad twilight between stubbornness and actual incompetence -- when the latter comes, things go more smoothly. In Mom's case, one of her many falls landed her at Delray Hospital, and Eric said she was starving to death based on her serum albumin. Then we took away control -- down to Miami Jewish for the final 11 months, where she was cared for humanely and visited, mostly by my sister of another mister Mirta.

My suegra was the toughest -- staying in her Pembroke Pines condo for years while my suegro was at Miami Jewish -- and the day he died, it was "no longer mine home" and demanded to be moved -- but not to ALF. So Wifey and I kicked out the comical tenant Lenny -- a classic example of a word I just learned: beta. A beta is a loser guy -- the one who is dominated by the alpha. That was Lenny to a T -- made an ok living but we thing put a lot of it up his nose -- used to bounce the $1K rent checks all the time -- I'd have to meet him at a Starbucks for the cash. I kept his rent the same for 5 years, and when I told him I needed the unit back, he protested "But this is my HOME!" even though it was a month to monthe lease. The problem was by then any similar place was 2.5 times more expensive. When he moved, we found he had lived like a frat boy -- missing toilet tank covers, for example.

So Wifey worked with our handy man Nestor, and made the place lovely, only to have her Mother whine about how lonely she was there, despite Wifey getting her drivers to take her to the local casinos, and our many meals with her.

Before her final years, Wifey learned the lesson: YOU make the calls for the 90 something -- trying to keep them happy is a fools' errand.

This whole thing with the missing TV anchor's mother is absurd to me. 84 and sick? Hey kidnappers -- she's all yours! You'll get caught and put in prison for life -- but a national search and demand for $6M?

Again -- I know it's ageist, but I want my Ds to know if I'm in my mid 80s and in failing health, and some moron kidnaps me -- do NOT pay the ransom. Far more important resources by used for those with real futures.

And hey -- I'm 5 years into old age, so I get to say this, right? Like only old people can use the "O word."

We Boomers are TOO involved in the life our our kids and grandkids -- every one of my friends, to varying degrees, cares for their adult kids financially or otherwise. One relative has a hub-son, a great neologism I learned yesterday from Bill Maher. Her troubled boy is in his mid 40s, and they speak daily, if not multiple times per day. Ha. Hub-son -- a son who in many ways is like a husband.

But the point is, on TOP of these responsibilities, you pop that of ancient parents. Basta. Enough.

Wifey and I acquitted our responsibilities to our 3 olds with love and compassion. We have zero regrets. We loved them, and honored them until their Rewards. Do we wish we could still visit them in the nursing homes? No -- the grandsons and Ds have futures and need us.

Wifey remarked how old one of our group looked last night. She was right -- we're all mid to late 60s -- one of us could pass for mid to late 70s. So our time here is limited as it is. Let us focus on our kids and grandkids, and savoring our days.

Ageist, I know, but happy to be out of that business.