Nutty Neighbor

 So we have this one nutty neighbor I'll call Riva, since that's her name. We were at UM the same time but didn't know each other, and she has, by all accounts, a charmed life. Husband who is a big shot (he'll tell you all about it) lawyer at a major metropolitan law firm. 3 successful kids. Lovely house in our 'hood, where she is the neighborhood scold.

I try to avoid her -- I have literally faked cell calls when I passed rather than listen to whatever she wants to say. A NICE neighbor, who I'll call Denie, since that's her name, DESPISES Riva, and for good reason. Denie rents out her house for commercial shoots, and this seems to enrage Riva -- to the point that she calls the cops and makes the crew park far away -- even though, last I checked, all of the streets in our 'hood are private.

Anyway, last week my path crossed with the harridan. The issue of the day, the proposed bike path behind our house, was tabled -- I was happy about that. D2 and Betsy were here, and I called in a report of a downed tree limb to Pinecrest Police -- within the hour, the limb was removed.

I posted on our Neighbors FB page that I was glad the bike path project seemed over, and we all should be happy in a Village where the government responds like it's Zurich, and not Miami. I wished all a good weekend.

Well -- Riva jumped on my post, and noted that I never signed the anti path petition she authored, and wanting proof that I had emailed the Village Commissioners. So I amended my post "On second thought, everyone EXCEPT Riva -- have a good weekend."

Even the mentally ill woman got the joke. But Denie (after some happy hour wine as she told me today) added to the post -- saying that indeed Riva was one of the most horrid people she ever knew. Denie later deleted the post.

I then got no fewer than 8 messages and calls from Riva -- wanting to know if the fact that she placed Denie in "FaceBook jail" was why the post was omitted, or Denie took it down. I replied once to Riva -- reminding her that I take seriously only my family, friends, and Canes football (she is unfortunately a fellow alum) and beyond that I cared not at all, and she should know better.

And that was it. Ha. As if! She's since called and texted 5 times more, which I ignored, until today -- Wifey was with me and I answered. "Hey Riva -- what's up?" "This is BAD -David - I need you to delete your whole post." "Riva -- you are harassing me. Please stop. You don't get to tell me what to do or not. You knew my telling you to not have a good weekend was in jest -- I corrected it later --saying "On third thought, everyone have a good weekend." STOP CONTACTING ME.

Luckily Wifey was there to take my side. Ha. As if. Far from it. "You know...you NEVER should have ..." Yeah -- Wifey was absent from Wife School on the Day they taught "When your spouse is attacked by a crazy person -- your spouse is correct -- not the annoying crazy person."

Whatever. All I know is, Riva is used to bullying people, but not this dude. I expect my specifically telling her she was harassing me (in Wifey's presence) will bring this silliness to an end. 

And I will indeed stop the commenting -- even optimistic, positive "Life's great everyone -- enjoy our many blessings."

Many simply cannot.

Hell -- the news today is stained with another school shooting -- this one in Minneapolis. That's reason to get upset and grieve -- not over fellow rich neighbors in a 'hood where no house will sell for less than $1.5M now.

But if I go missing...suspect the overweight 64 year old, unattractive woman who lives 10 houses away...