Restlessness Changes With Age

 So I remain a lay observer of the human condition, following the advice of my late, great Organic Chemistry professor, Harry P. Schultz. He always reminded us that regardless of our scientific acumen, we are all students in the study of human nature.

And I have made an acute observation, as I approach my 63rd birthday. I am forbidden by domestic law from EVER mentioning Wifey's age -- I'm not even allowed to state that she was born in Israel while Dwight D Eisenhower was president of the US. Ha -- I was born when Kennedy was POTUS.

Anyway, the issue is restlessness -- the need to find "something else" or "something better." I had a LOT of male friends who were restless in our 20s, 30s, and 40s -- it often led to divorce. Sometimes it was the wife who was restless, but more typically the husband was having a cliched mid-life crises, and he thought he could calm himself with a younger wife.

But later, to my observation, if the man had achieved a degree of success by his late 50s or early 60s, he tended to want to keep the status quo. His kids were grown and gone, and he enjoyed empty nesterhood, except for those with failure to launch, or boomerang kids. They make do.

But the wife -- after the kids are grown -- seems to want CHANGE. She often can't pinpoint exactly what change she wants , but KNOWS she wants change.

I think Family lawyers will back me up in this observation -- typically later life divorces, after the kids have grown, are initiated by the wife.

I realize I'm a dinosaur, and not taking into account same sex marriages, let alone those involving the entire LGTBQRSTUVW spectrum. I always add "RSTUVW" since I assume future permutations of sexuality will be discovered and accepted as we move forward. I assume the same sex marriages have their own dysfunctions, but in my circle, we're old male-female phenotypes.

Here at Villa Wifey, I see this. Our house, to me, is perfectly fine -- Wifey spent over 6 figures from the time before Covid until recently -- but I am now told we need an updated kitchen and all new bathrooms.

If left to my own devices, I would do nothing -- we rarely host anymore -- surely only the occasional overnight guest -- but I am being told I am wrong. I probably am.

Wifey announced we would no longer be hosting Thanksgiving -- my favorite holiday. Even though the past years we had it catered, and even had a party delivery company bring tables and plates and silverware, Wifey still hurt her back, somehow, and is now out of the T Day biz -- looks like D2 and Jonathan are on deck for this year -- though I will pay for a caterer.

Nonetheless, yesterday I was told our dining room "needed refreshing" -- maybe a custom ceiling painting, or wallpapering? I don't know.

I have one friend whose wife's happiness depends solely on his. Years ago, Wifey asked her what made her truly happy, and she turned to her husband for the answer. 

Yeah -- my buddy is a unicorn.

For the rest of us aging husbands, we have to navigate dangerous waters -- far more perilous, at least for me, than the shoals and currents of younger marital days.

But as we know, typically the wives outlive the husbands. As I learned just this week, an old work friend Howard has left the party. I'm sure his widow Lynn is doing just fine with the remaining proceeds of his long legal career.

Can't I just be left quietly alone, without the tumult of home construction? Apparently the answer is a resounding "No!"