You Can't Fix Stupid (Evangelical Version)

 Years ago, our friend Diane had some plastic surgery, and Wifey offered to have her stay with us for the recovery. Her surgeon, Mike Kelley, had a protocol: he'd let you avoid an overnight hospital stay if you paid for a private duty nurse to watch over you, I guess to insure you didn't bleed to death or stop breathing post procedure.

So Diane moved in, and a nice nurse named Grace came over -- also to spend the night. Wifey decamped to the TV, Diane mostly slept, and Grace and I struck up a long and pleasant conversation. She was Cuban, but had left the Catholic Church to follow one of these TV type pastors, with a big ass church in South Dade. She asked all about Judaism, as many Evangelicals truly believe we are their "older brothers," and when my peeps re-take Israel -- ALL of the historical Israel -- their boy Jesus will finally return, the rapture will happen, and heaven on earth will be the new sensation.

We Jews know that to the Evangelicals we're just necessary pawns, but being Jews, we figured out they are, too. During the two Intifadehs, when American Jews were afraid to visit Israel, Evangelicals visited in droves -- essentially keeping tourism alive. Also, their politicians are vehemently pro Zionist -- far more than my LEAST favorite politician -- anti Zionist Liberals -- especially Jewish ones.

Of course, when presented with the fact that, ultimately, when Jesus comes, we Jews who refuse to convert will be "LEFT BELOW," and how does that make us feel -- most pragmatic Zionist types say, essentially "Well -- we'll worry about that when the Son-god indeed returns -- in the mean time, Israel needs all the friends it can get."

So Grace left the next am, and she tried to refer me a case or two, which never panned out -- botched plastic surgery cases are typically NOT cases -- one woman's opinions about not receiving Sofia Vergara-type breasts aren't necessarily standard of care stuff. And Grace FaceBook (tm) friended me, and we like each other's posts, and that was that. Until it wasn't.

Over the last few months, she'd message me stuff about how I really ought to consider joining her pastor's team -- she was so impressed with me and my family, could tell I had a "Christian soul," and why didn't I just try it out. I tried to fend her off with politically incorrect responses -- like instead of a Christian soul, I wished I had a Black man's singing voice -- but she persisted.

I didn't really mind. I kind of always see Evangelical stuff the way I see restaurant recommendations -- I may eat somewhere really good, and wish to share the place with friends. If they say they don't like sushi, for example -- well ok -- I tried.

So Grace and I were cool -- until last night. She sent me a video of her pastor, some asshole named Hibbs, and he was calling on everyone to celebrate the death of Senator Diane Feinstein -- as she was a leading "killer of babies."

I watched long enough to get the clear feeling the dude was ought of central casting for either a closeted gay guy, or maybe a pedophile, or both -- that slight Southern twang -- seeming nice but clearly being evil.

I responded to Grace that her message was offensive -- I was a big fan of the Lioness of the Senate. And then Grace got nasty -- "David -- abortion is MURDER. Read these portions from your own Torah!"

Ok -- basta. I deleted her as a friend, gathered up her deleted messages, and prayed for HER -- that she might use the brains that G-d gave her to see reality.

Ireland did. After an entire history of banned abortions, two deaths of young pregnant women changed the country. The electorate finally said, in essence, "Hey -- we've been following the dogma of a bunch of pedophiles who claim to know what Jesus wants -- enough of this bullshit!" Many South American nations have done the same.

Meanwhile, we have allowed a minority to take over,  via Trump and his SCOTUS, and we've reverted to darker thinking about women's rights.

Maybe there's hope. Ohio voters just passed a constitutional amendment that hopefully trumps (Ha!) the bills of the idiot legislators, and guarantees women's rights. There's a petition here in Florida to do the same -- might it pass as well -- and normal thinking people find a work around for the clowns currently in office -- DeSantic and his witch doctor Surgeon General, for example, the dangerous quack who is anti vax?

I guess we'll see. But for now, I truly do wish the best for Grace. I will pray for HER. But I have learned you can't, as the comedian Ron White noted, fix stupid. Especially the Evangelical kind.