Everything's Quiet on Father's Day

So, FD is here, and, thanks, Big Man, all is well.  Yesterday we spent the day at D1's, and had a lovely time. D1's suegros came over, and to watch the two grandmothers fuss over the little guy was something to see. You could literally cut the love in the room with a knife.

D1's father in law installed a ceiling fan, and I was the ladder holder.  My wonderful son in law did yard work, and then we all chatted happily afterward.

Early this am, I got a tear creating email from D1, honoring me as her father. And then today, following a long constitutional with Jeff, I got a long Facetime (tm) with D2 and Jonathan and their now 70 lb puppy Betsy, as they got ready for a walk to their Grove dog park. Betsy actually has friends.

And I was feeling terrific. My identity as a father, and now grandfather, is my main one. I'm self deprecating about anything else in my life -- but I take fatherhood more than seriously. It is sacred to me.

And still, if I'm honest, it is my birthright.  My father lived for his family, and I was his only son, who came along when my father was 42. We were exceptionally close. I was always blessed to have many and close friends, and my Dad was my best. I told him everything about my life.

The vital drive I have to make him proud is so strong, it persists even today -- nearly 4 decades after his death. I always try to think, what would Dad have done? and act accordingly.

So I took to fatherhood very easily and naturally. I always felt I was equipped for fatherhood in the way that Shaquille O'Neal was born to play basketball. Sure -- he put in lots of effort, and stayed on the right course, but he was born with the talent and ability to make him a superstar. For me, it would almost have been an effort to become a crappy Dad.

But today I thought, in particular, about two friends -- fathers to special needs kids.  Both of these children, on in his 30s, and the other grade school aged, are non verbal. I thought how much tougher it is to father children with those issues.

My Ds always let me know how much they love me, and appreciate me. When you have a non verbal child, you have to accept the love differently.

A few years ago, I had a long talk with one of my friends. He KNOWS his son loves him, even though he can't speak or write the words. And so you have to learn to accept the love, I guess, in a different way.

To me, that is an even purer form of fatherhood. To give, and serve, and protect a child without the typical positive feedback and reinforcement that comes from a verbal child.

I really, really admire, deeply, my two friends who are fathers in that way. Seems like there should be an extra Father's Day for them.

For me, it's my best and highest identity as a man...and actually, not that difficult.  Oh, except for the anxiety about everyone's health and well being. That's a negative I inherited from my dear father -- the worrying. But it's a price I gladly pay for this, and all days, which are to me, Father's Day.