One of My Better Ideas

Young people are adventurous. They do funny, silly things those of us of more advanced age are reluctant to try. I just had a nice memory of that -- courtesy of one of Wifey's birthday FaceBook posts.

Today is her (          ) birthday! She has asked that I refrain from mentioning the number anymore, or even bringing up references to it, like the fact that when she was born in Israel, Eisenhower was president of the US...I was born under Camelot...

Anyway, my old Moot Court partner Donna shared a photo Wifey had posted -- of my groomsmen and I crashing Wifey's bridal shower. Looking back, it was one of the better ideas I ever had.

It was the Sunday before Christmas of '86. I got the idea a few weeks before, and asked Eric, Mike, Jeff, and Mark to dress in drag and go crash the shower -- held at Victoria Station, a restaurant in Dadeland Mall. Barry got a pass - he was at UF Med School, and couldn't make it back from Gainesville to participate.

The prep work was hilarious. Mike and I, newly minted lawyers in Downtown Miami, walked to McCrory's one lunchtime. We asked where ladies underwear was sold. An older Cuban saleswoman was on duty, and I said that Mike and I were looking for pantyhose and bras. Without changing her expression, she said in a classic Spanglish accent: "Oh -- you need Queen Size."  Mike and I bought our supplies, and wondered how many straight looking guys in gray suits come in and ask for bras and pantyhose for themselves. We reminded ourselves we DID live in Miami. Probably more guys than we cared to think about.

I told Donna about my plans, and she lent me her shirt from college, which said "A Wellesley Woman is MORE than Just a Woman." It was perfect.

Wifey left for the shower, and my boys came over, ostensibly to watch football. Instead, like a drag show, we got into our duds. Eric had a dress his Mom wore in the 50s. For reasons I still don't understand, Mark put on all the women's clothes, but refused to wear a wig. He's since become a very successful neurosurgeon on Long Island. He's completely bald. He could have used the wig.

I thought Mike, Jeff, and I were fairly attractive as women. Eric -- not so much. Together, we were all hilarious.

We drove to Dadeland, getting horn honks from passing cars. We played it up -- like Lou Jacoby's character in "Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex."

We parked, and made our way through the packed mall. Some people doubled over in laughter. One guy slipped me a piece of paper with his phone number. Pig!

We went to the outside courtyard of the packed restaurant, and here another very funny thing happened. There were three groups of guests: Wifey's friends, my mother's friends, and my mother in law's friends. The American groups got it immediately, and some laughed so hard they peed their pants.

My mother in law's friends had never met me or my friends, and thought we were truly transvestites. They started chatting nervously and rapidly in Yiddish -- "Oy -- this is who she is marrying???? I knew he was a LOI-YEAH, but a faygellah, too?"

We stayed a bit, toasted Wifey and her bridesmaids, and made a retreat -- back to my house, on SW 125 Terrace, where we did in fact watch football.

It was a wonderful stunt, and Wifey loved it.  And all these years later, this "more than just a Wellesley woman" gets to celebrate Wifey's birthday -- headed out later to the Grove for cocktails with D2 and Jonathan, and then to a Greek place on Main Highway, open at Christmas, luckily.

And in 9 days, Wifey and I will celebrate our 33rd wedding anniversary. No drag this year, though.