The Passive Aggressive Client

When you cobble together a few shekels, you become attractive to folks in "private banking" and "investment advisers."  I've worked with several over the years, and I tend to stay with people for a very long time.

My first foray into the world of "managed accounts" went poorly. It was 2020, and I opened an account with Northern Trust. Back then, they were on a tear to bring in many less than wealthy clients, and I agreed to pay a fee of 1.5% of the account value to "manage it" - buy and sell securities without broker fees.

At first, the account grew, but then came the tech bubble, and my crackerjack adviser did...nothing. The account lost half its value. I got to tell the joke about how to get a small fortune: give Northern Trust a large fortune and then wait a year. Anyway, I took back the remaining funds and over time, of course, it grew again.

Several years back, I changed my protocol. If I was to do business with someone, they had to hire D1's company to consult.  I sort of grandfathered in existing advisers and bankers, but anyone wanting new business would have to hire her. And -- though I can't be objective as a wildly proud Dad, the truth is she is excellent. The many companies and teams who have hired her adore her, and find her consulting terrific.

As I get crankier, I think I WILL start firing folks who don't use her company. There are just too many competing brokers, bankers, and bond salesmen to not extract family benefit out of using their services.

A few months ago, a young man reached out to me, since I have a large sum invested in an online brokerage. Of course, he wished to convince me that I need to pay him a yearly fee to do what I do myself.

We met for breakfast, and the fellow was impressive -- local fellow, smart, and very community involved. I told him the deal -- hire my girl, and then we talk.

And he reached out, and they met, and he was impressed. But, he works for a large national bank, and apparently making the choice to spend a few thousand on a consultant is not one that can be made on a local level...he was working on it, and they may hire her in '20.

He emailed me about meeting again to "further our discussions" and reported to me the status about hiring D1 -- said it would be in '20.

What a coincidence, I wrote back, I have an adviser who plans to retire in 2020, and that might be the time I would consider switching accounts!

The truth is I am considering transferring funds away from that bank -- I pay a small management fee, but get no real benefit from it, except for paid happy hours at Christy's...

I would have made a great machine politician -- do me a favor, and you get the government job. As it is, my only leverage is as a potential client.

The days of "hey --you're a nice enough young person -- you get the business" are over. Quid pro quo, baby.

Speaking of nice young people, I got a lovely call early in the week. I have been mentoring a young lawyer -- the husband of D1's friend, and he told me he was making partner at his firm -- and thanked me profusely.

Now that was great news...