Favors

For years, I did favors for friends and acquaintances freely and without regard for reciprocation. Would I refer someone to a doc I knew? Of course. Would I reach out to a lawyer I knew -- asking for a special favor? Why not?

Well -- with age wisdom has come, and now I'm much more judicious with my dispensing of favors. Close friends and the Ds and their men -- of course -- they get complete and total access. But no longer for folks out of the inner circle.

Today I got a call from a lawyer I know in Atlanta, who recalled I had told her that I knew the senior partner of a leading PI firm there. The lawyer has a case that the firm I know was involved in, and asked if I would reach out to the lawyer I knew to get some "inside information" about the handling of litigation.

I politely refused. I didn't wish to put the fellow I know in any sort of compromising situation. And -- it was for another lawyer's client -- not even the lawyer herself. I explained my reluctance, and she got it -- and I felt good about my choice.

In the past, I might have just gone ahead -- for no good reason. Then, I would have owed the fellow in Georgia, and for zero benefit to me or my firm.

Also -- the older I get, the more I understand the truth of the cliche that no good deed goes unpunished. That happens with doctors -- friends of friends ask me for recommendations, and then I get the negative feedback. "Why did you send me to THAT GUY? He was a waste of time and money. I had to pay to PARK at his office, and he did me no good."

My old boss Ed NEVER shared "his" experts with other lawyers. He figured the less they testified, the more "pristine" they were, and thus more effective for his case. I used to think that was harsh of him. I now realize he was right -- again, close friends get total access, but outer circle -- not so fast.

Stuart has a friend I'll call Dean, since that's his name. He fancies himself quite the gourmand -- eating only at the finest restaurants in South Florida, and wherever he visits. He's a really nice guy, but is a prime example of my reluctance to share information.

I told him about two restaurants I very much enjoyed. Both times he went, and then reported to me they were "mediocre at best."  Oh well -- I know I have peasant tastes, and have been exposed thusly.

I've also become protective about involving my friends -- a great change for the way I used to be. Several weeks ago, I got a text from a former employee -- a distant family member needed to see a doc -- would I reach out to Barry to have him grease the wheels? I would not. I replied he was on vacation, which he was, and let it drop.  He's far too busy as it is -- he doesn't need to be case manager of medical concierge for friends of friends of friends...

Wifey's right -- I am becoming more curmudgeonly. I'm comfortable with that.

I get asked all the time to host fundraisers for judges and other politicians. I decline almost all the time. An exception is Judge Dawn, the sister of close friend Joel. She asked us to host, and I agreed -- so we'll be having a cocktail party for her in October.

I happen to think Dawn is a fine judge, and will easily win re-election.  Wifey's doing redecorating and painting, and it'll hopefully be done in time for the event.

It'll be a nice evening -- we'll see if my group still puts the "fun" in "fundraiser," like we used to . And it's nice that it's a rare event -- we can appreciate it more.