Making Stuff Up

I LOVE a good tall tale, and tell them often. I have, apparently, an honest looking face, and can share the blarney in a seriously sounding manner, so people who don't know me often think my BS is true. My closer folks know enough to always ask "For real?" and I tell them when it is, or isn't.

This am I was perusing FaceBook (tm) and I came upon a post from a neighbor I'll call Roberta, since that's her name. She was sharing a post from a young girl in Tampa, who got into the wrong Uber, was being spirited away to either certain death or a fate of being a sex slave, when the REAL Uber driver called to ask where she was, and she then realized she had to make her escape, which she did.

As soon as I read it, my antennae went up, and so I checked it out. Sure enough -- false tale. Apparently the girl DID get into the wrong Uber, and her driver, like many in Miami, only spoke Spanish, so there was some confusion. But there was no death or sex trafficking -- a simple mix up.

The funny thing is, Roberta has a truly unusual life tale. We knew her from back in the old 'hood -- her girls were close in age to our Ds. She was married to a nice CPA. Years back, she announced on FB she was getting a divorce. My spider sense was activated -- she didn't strike me as the type another man was going to woo from the nice CPA. Sure enough, she announced she was marrying a woman, much older, and the two now live happily in our neighborhood. That tale is true.

The first time I sniffed our internet BS was in the late 90s. Edna's then husband Steve, a fellow who always thought himself much smarter than he truly was, sent out a group email warning all of us to boycott Tommy Hilfigger --the fashion designer was a virulent anti semite!  Something about that raised my spider sense, too, and I looked into it. Total BS.

I think the fake rumor cost his company, though, and brought home the fact that you really do have to check stuff out.

I believed a fake tale for years -- that the recurring joke in "Young Frankenstein," where the horses neigh each time Cloris Leachmann's character's name, Frau Blucher, is mentioned, is because "blucher" is German for "glue," and so the horses fear being sent to the glue factory, as the old adage goes. Nope -- not true -- but a great tale nonetheless.

There are enough great tales that ARE true going around -- we don't need the fake ones. Just Monday I was having breakfast with my friend Kenny, a fellow Long Islander and former Mets fan. He didn't know the Orioles batter who made the final out in the Miracle season -- a fly to left that Cleon Jones caught, went to one knee, and started a celebration. The batter was Davey Johnson, who would go on to manage the Mets to their only other World Series championship, in '86. How about that?!, as Mel Allen used to say...

I posted on Roberta's page that the Tampa evil Uber tale was false, but there IS indeed a real danger in Tampa: overeating at Bern's Steakhouse, the awesome restaurant and probably only real reason to ever go to Tampa.

It occurred to me the other day, while lunching with Stuart, that I was last there 12 years ago -- maybe 13.  Eric and Dana went a few months ago, and were underwhelmed.  Maybe I'll go again.

But if I do fly into Tampa Airport, I'll know I needn't fear being kidnapped to be sent somewhere as a sex slave -- even to some compound where Victoria Secret models prepare for their photo shoots. Now THAT would be a great tale.