A Fool's Favorite Holiday

In these modern times, people are coming out as LGBT, or Q, or LatinX. I'm not even sure what some of these things are, but I have long self identified as a fool.  As a result, my favorite holiday is the one with my identifier in its very name: April Fool's Day.

Over the years, I perfected leaving messages at peoples' offices, making believe I was a "Mr. Fox" or "Mr. Baer," and having them call Zoo Miami. Of course, my victims would call and ask for "Mr. Fox," and the receptionist tired of this would say "I'm sorry -- Mr. Fox is busy -- would you like to speak to Mr. Giraffe?"

I would also tell friends and relatives that Wifey was pregnant. I once tallied it -- if she indeed WAS pregnant as often as I said, I would be the father of 20.  That prank got better the older Wifey was...

My meanest was telling D2 that her friend Amelia, who was very small, had shrunken over night -- was perfectly healthy, but was now about one foot tall. The girls were about 8 at the time. D2 thought it was very funny, but we're still not sure what future pathology this caused...

This year I felt especially creative. I posted on Norman's FaceBook (tm) page congratulations on his becoming Dean of UM Law. He of course played along -- promising more litigation skills and moving up the ranks.  A good number of his FB friends believed the joke -- congratulating him and saying the law school would be in great hands.

In reality, he WOULD do a better job than the current past Deans. We were always solidly ranked behind UF Law but ahead of FSU Law. That changed years ago -- we're now #3 in the state, and FIU, the upstart, is gaining on us. Norman could indeed reverse that trend -- but he couldn't afford the pay cut.

Jeff and I did PT together this am, and then had breakfast together -- something we rarely do. Wifey had wondered about the breakfast, so I told her that Jeff confided in me that his wife Lili was leaving him -- she had mentored a 35 year old attorney at her firm, things blossomed, and, well, you know. I told the whopper with subtlety, throwing in tidbits Wifey knew, like that Lili lost her mom at an early age and so feared premature death, so she simply could not pass up this chance for late blooming passion.

Wifey believed me for about 10 minutes, and then I pointed to a calendar showing it was April 1. I texted Jeff and Lili about the prank, and Lili was flattered that I gave her a lover more than 20 years her junior...

No -- Lebron is NOT returning to the Heat...

So my work for the year is done. I thought about targeting the Ds and their husband and fiance, but decided against it.  Everyone gets along extremely well -- I don't want to upset that precious apple cart.

I texted my law partners and roommates that the lawyer who betrayed us, whom I now call Fredo, had been suspended by the Bar for taking money from his trust account. I figured since they all knew he was flat broke (after he left he was served with a collection lawsuit for close to $100K from a credit card company) they might believe me. Alas -- Stuart -- my annual April's Fool victim/friend, immediately texted back "Fool me once..." I told him he was a spoil sport.

I'm already looking forward to April's Fool 2020. For fools like me, it's the high holiday.