Death By Overwork Paying For Car Repairs

Years ago, the Herald ran an obit with a man with my name -- he died in Hollywood in his 80s. A few friends saw it, and there was laughter about my premature demise, but I cut out the obit and wrote across it "Cause of Death: Overwork Due to Paying For Car Repairs."

This was because I had just paid another several thousand to fix one of Wifey's many car accidents. I don't think she's had a car over the last 20 years or so that she hasn't crashed in some way -- ranging from backing into her friend Maureen's Volvo, since Maureen was dumb enough to park right in our driveway behind the garage -- to the near tragic, where she plowed, backwards, into a car with a Mom putting her little girl into a car seat -- fortunately unharmed.

No kidding -- there have been more than 20 of these, and each time I dutifully pay and arrange all the repairs, rental cars, payments to others -- just to keep our insurance rates down. If we reported all of these incidents, we would truly be uninsurable.

Well --sure enough, it happened again, to her newest SUV. She backed into a pole. She was probably on the phone and not focused, and she never listens to those backup alarms -- they tell her she's getting near the hedges behind our garage, and she can happily tap them...

To avoid the anger and annoyance, I told her to just take care of it -- get it fixed, don't tell me the price. I'll just make believe this latest mishap hadn't happened. Ha. As if!

So last month she took the car to the local body shop, next to Shorty's, and a few days later fetched the repaired car. It was around $1000, I later found out. But when I drove the car, I saw it had a "Parking sensors need cleaning" light. I told her she had to get this fixed, too, and to get it done in the coming three weeks -- I wanted to take her absurdly low mileage lease car for the long-ish trip to Key West -- I pay for the miles -- might as well use them.

So she took the car back -- two weeks ago. Wifey doesn't leave the house that much, so I guess the two weeks didn't seem that onerous. I would ask, and it's as if I reminded her "Oh yeah -- I called and they're waiting for the parts." I did ask the cost, and she said the owner told her it would be "another few hundred."

Well, yesterday, still no SUV. I realized I had to indeed be the 50s era husband, and take control over something the little lady couldn't do.  So I called the owner -- told him I was coming to get the car -- I needed it for a trip, and besides, what the hell was taking so damn long to fix a simple thing?

I can hear a con man immediately, and the fellow started fast talking about needing new sensors, and a new computer, and he had taken it upon himself to have the car brought to the Lexus dealer for repairs...

I asked him how much. All totaled -- it would be around $2000.

There's a problem with that, I told him -- Wifey had never signed a written authorization, and Miami Dade Law says no written authorization, no payment over $100.

"So you're not paying me for the parts I already ordered, let alone ALL the labor?" Nope, I said.

I had Wifey drive me to the shop, and I was fixing for a major hassle -- I figured he wouldn't release the car without at least a $500 check.

But he came in, knew right away what was up, and handed me the key fob.

I believe he realized I knew what had indeed happened -- his shop probably broke the sensors when they fixed the bumper, and he was going to try to dupe the naive housewife from Pinecrest into paying thousands for it.

Somewhat knowledgeable husband stepped in and foiled the plot.

So we have the SUV back, and it gets turned in in 5 months. I'll get the sensors fixed somewhere else -- so much for having Wifey fix her own mess. Maybe that thing happens in husbands' dreams, but not in my reality.

As the classic movie "Some Like It Hot" ends, the rich suitor of the transvestite Jack Lemmon learns the object of his love and lust is a man. He utters the classic ending lines, "Nobody's perfect."

And so it is among long married couples --Wifey's comically high number of car crashes is just what comes along with loving her for over three decades.

She always points out that she has saved me thousands of dollars over the years by rarely, if ever, ordering drinks at dinner. And that's true -- those martinis add up over time.

As for this latest, I'm just glad I stepped in, despite my reluctance, and stopped a major ripoff by a con man repair shop owner.

So we're off, later, for Key West, in the sensor-less SUV. The thing still has a working backup camera. Wifey ignores the sensors, anyway, so we can do fine without them.

Oh -- and like the 50s era couple we truly are -- I'll do the driving.