Obligatory

So Wifey is dealing with the aftermath of her Dad's passing, and even though we knew it was imminent, it's not been any easier on her mother. We dropped my mother in law off last Sunday, and she's been calling Wifey several times a day, to share how sad she is. It takes a toll on Wifey, of course. When my mother was on the decline, acutely from age 89 on, I simply took control over her life. My mother not only didn't resist; she welcomed the release from tasks like paying bills or deciding about medical care. It was tough, as I lived 1.5 hours away, but it was my obligation, and I did it. Later, I realized what an honor it was, and how bad I felt for those who avoid those obligations. They think they're getting away with avoiding unpleasantness, but really they're just being less of a decent human being. My mother in law is a far tougher case. She remains stubborn, and resists giving up control. I told Wifey she has to give the old woman no choice -- she will do what is best, as a loving parent does for a toddler. Just because the toddler has a tantrum when you prevent her from running into a busy street doesn't mean you let the toddler go... Wifey has set up a temporary schedule of visiting her mother -- every Sunday, and have the old woman driven to our house on Wednesdays. I told Wifey of course I'd drive her each week. Wifey said I didn't have to, and she was amazed I visited her parents as often as I did. I told her it was my obligation -- to see her mother to the end of her life. It's pretty simple to me. I have a close friend whose mother died years ago. She has two brothers, but somehow my friend was the one who did EVERYTHING for her mother. The brothers begged off with simpering excuses -- too busy with their own families, squeamish about seeing their beloved mother in such a decrepit state. My friend just shrugged her shoulders and soldiered on. I admire her so. I have no desire to even drink a beer with her brothers. Sometimes I envy those who avoid unpleasant obligations -- letting others carry the load, letting others change the diapers. Words are easy, proclaiming love, and care, for a failing relative. I learned long ago that true love, other than the young, romantic kind, is about changing the shitty diapers. That's love. For now, thankfully, my mother in law remains quite continent. But I still feel for Wifey for the bumpy road ahead. She's all in. I wouldn't have any other kind of woman as my life companion.