Crime Wave in the Leafy Suburb

Since I've lived in Pinecrest, my job has been to be a jaded observer of the rich, white person's condition. There are so many people with plenty of time and money on their hands, and watching them take up causes is a never ending source of amusement. Wifey is head of Crime Watch in our neighborhood, which is sort of like being in charge of NBA tryouts for a college for midgets. In all our years here, the crimes have basically been breaking into unlocked cars, with the occasional car theft. About 10 years ago, a neighbor I'll call Robert, since that's his name, confronted 2 kids as they were rifling through one of his vehicles. He reached into the getaway car, which was a Lexus, as the offenders were themselves rich drug addicts from a few blocks away, and tossed it up on his roof, to prevent getaway. One of the offenders pushed him, whereupon Robert went into his house to call police, one kid wisely ran, and the other climbed onto the roof to fetch the thrown key. He fell on his way down, breaking his leg, but getting his car back. The two were arrested -- one plead guilty to being a stupid rich white kid and got, probably, probation, while the one with the more serious charge (battery, for pushing Robert) fled -- presumably to Beverly Hills, or maybe Providence, RI... Other than that one, the crimes have been, thankfully, non violent. And then the other night, there was another one. Kids broke into a 1920s house, now populated by a large family from New Jersey, who paid $2.5 M for it, and I wonder about them... Anyway, they stole the car keys, and then stole a car. Wifey has been on it like McGruff the Crime Dog on a plate of raw meat. She called the local cops, and spoke to the detective, who assured her it was an inside job -- one of the family teen's friends, as he knew exactly where the keys were, and took nothing else. The controversy is the crime took place over a Saturday night, when our hired FHP trooper is supposed to be on duty. EXCEPT: it was lousy weather, caused by missed Storm Erika, and the trooper as not at her post. This has caused a sentiment of "why the hell do we each (83 houses) pay $2500 per year for worthless, part time security?" It's a good question, but one many don't want answered. The long timers (more than 20 years here) LOVE the troopers. Some of the old widows have developed close to mother-son relationships with them, and are extremely opposed to any talk of replacing the FHP with full time, unarmed guards, roving in golf carts. This latter mode of security is exactly what our 'hood needs, according to a security expert I consulted a few years back. Complicating things is the arrival of a new neighbor, who I'll call Joe, since that's his name, who is a Village Councilman, and running to be our next mayor. He is interested in the stuff, as well as a few other high take burglaries in the Village. In one, a doctor who calls himself the "king of the Brazilian butt lift," was himself the victim of a lift: over $250 k worth of jewelry and cash stolen from his North Pinecrest home, while his butt lifted wife (I'm assuming) was out at a museum with her kids. This doctor has called for a burglary victims' rally against crime, at a local park, for this weekend. Wifey will be out of town, and asked if I'll attend. I told her only if the good doctor brings some of his patients and has them on display in G strings... So we'll see if Joe brings more local police around. In the mean time, our only concern is someone stealing the dogs. But not really. I don't think there's much monetary value in a strange looking rescue dog, or an orthopedically challenged Spaniel, who walks like Dickens' Tiny Tim... Our leafy suburb will survive this trying time -- with silliness, and a lot of wasted emails and conversations.