What Ya Gotta Do

Some years ago, a good friend of mine was enjoying his favorite party destination: Las Vegas. He fielded a call from our rabbi friend, who asked what he was doing. My good friend asked rhetorically what else he ought to be engaged in than Vegas activities. The rabbi responded: "Well, you could be visiting your declining and dementia affected mother." And so it is. Visits to MY mother stopped being fun years ago. When she turned 85, I took her and my family and California sister's family to LA to celebrate. We visited Pasadena, where my family history started during WW II. Mom took a cross country train to marry Dad, who was stationed there, protecting the West Coast from Japanese attack. During my father's tenure there as the Radar O'Reilly of his regiment, LA and environs remained safe. Anyway, it was a lovely trip, and included a visit to my law school friend Cheryl's house in the Hollywood Hills for dinner. Cheryl married a wildly succesful UM Music School grad, Neal, who has become THE recording engineer in LA. They had us over to their historic house, and cooked wonderfully. Mom had the first of what would become many falls. This was 7 years ago. It was the true beginning of her decline, and when the fun left... So now she's comfortably resting in the Miami Jewish Home "long term unit." She'll spend the rest of her days there. I plan to visit several times a week, as will the Ds, and Wifey, when her back allows. None of us enjoy these visits. Again -- back to the rabbi. My partner Paul and I met him last week for some kosher sushi, just down the street from Mt. Sinai Hospital, where Mom was a patient. The holiday of Shavous had just ended, which commemorated the Torah being given to the people. We spoke about the 10 Commandments. The first 5 deal with Man's duties to God, and the second 5 talk about Man's duty to his fellow man. (Mel Brooks taught that there were 5 more, but a klutzy Moses dropped that tablet). Interestingly, the commandment about honoring one's father and mother is listed in the first 5. That's because the Big Man wanted us to be clear that it's so significant -- according to Rabbi Yossi, the most important mitzvah there is. So, I'll follow it. I'm not religious, but something deep in me tells me it's the right thing to do --even though it's not enjoyable. That said, I plan to make it tolerable. Mom was given a new social worker -- Gordon -- and he's terrific. He's a tiny guy from LI, and we chatted yesterday for a half hour. He LOVES Blues music, and we compared notes. He turned me on to a guy named Boosie, who I plan to check out. I turned him on to a CD called Country Rhythm and Blues, which pairs country singers with folks like Little Richard, Aretha, and BB King. Gordon grew up a huge Islanders fan, and we shared tales of the glory days of the early 80s when the Isles dominated hockey. So it shall be in the coming days, however long they last. I'll visit Mom, and share in the dreamlike state her consciousness has become -- mixing reality and memory, along with movie plots from films she probably saw in the 40s and 50s. (She told me yesterday that Gordon was taken away by the police for some type of conspiracy. Who knows -- maybe he reminds her of Edward G Robinson. Honor thy mother and thy father. Will do, Big Man...