Fading, fading...

I fired up the Hyundai yesterday morning, and headed up to Delray for my bi weekly visit to ancient Mom. The positive news is that now that Easter (and mostly Passover) are largely over, the snow birds have flown, so things in retirement County are a bit less crowded.

I opened Mom's door, and there was an object blocking my way. Great, I thought, I was going to be the bad lotto winner. My sister Trudy and I have come up with that term for the one who finds Mom when she finally goes to final sleep. We figure that since her caregiver Louise goes 3 times per week, and Trudy and I only once every fortnight, Louise is the mathematical favorite...

Fortunately, it was only her walker. Mom was doing laundry in the bathroom by the front door.

I greeted her, and we sat down. Her movements have become even more labored. She made it clear she preferred I go bring in food for us rather than take the effort to go out. And her hearing and attention span for conversation has diminished as well. For the first time in awhile, there were long periods of pregnant pauses and silence.

Still, she remained pleasant, and gobbled up the breakfast I brought her. I told her we would celebrate her 92nd birthday the coming weekend, and she reacted like a sweet 5 year old -- actually saying "Hooray!"

Wifey has it worse. Her father and mother called the house 7 times yesterday, looking for her. Wifey was out doing back related things, and they had questions about their quotidian things. This am my father in law called yet again -- terrified because my mother in law was sick and sleeping. It sounds like a bad cold or the flu, but he had utter terror in his voice. Who will care for him if his wife of over 60 years is unable?

The more I consider these things, the more the only rational choice is earlier death. Maybe 80 or so, at the latest? My mother and in laws were fine then -- still enjoying life and their grandkids. They were relatively independent and healthy -- not the fearful, toddler like shadows they have become.

The problem is, of course, no sane person wants to check out even a day before they have to . Even my mother says she still loves sitting on her back porch watching the sky. Sometimes there are clouds -- sometimes there are amazingly blue skies. And there are always the world's most pathetic bottle brush trees. They've been there the entire 33 years Mom has lived there, and never allowed to grow more than about 12 feet, or too wide. Heaven forbid they become a burden on the building...

As so the fading continues...Who among our three will leave first?

D1 said the other day she knew she had largely lost her grandmother about her sophomore year in college --about 4 years ago. They used to talk, and now my mother feigns interest in her grandkids. D1 and D2 keep up with monthly letters, and D1 is going along with me this Sunday for the birthday Chinese lunch, but a lady who was truly a part of her life is now, well, a friendly ghost...