Lawyers in Love

So last night, for the second time in as many weeks, I attended a lawyer function. Last week it was a fundraiser for a judge I know, and last night it was a silent auction at the Dade Courthouse, to raise funds for the law library.

With everything online these days, law libraries are dinosaurs, but judges and lawyers have a soft spot for them. And, for litigants without lawyers (and, I guess, computer illiterate) they're a resource. Whatever. The Cuban Lawyers group hosted, and so many of the local power lawyers who aren't cuban decided to show up. My friend Mike had some extra tickets (they were $75, and would otherwise go to waste) so I agreed to tag along.

Every time I'm in a gathering of lawyers, I'm reminded of why non lawyers despise them. So many are self important and arrogant, particularly the partners with the big firms...

One fellow in particular was there. I'll call him Alan, since that's his name. He is a former big shot with the Florida Bar, and current big shot with a big firm. He rose to prominence because he married into money, and his wife's family sent a TON of business to him. He's not particularly bright, but speaks in a falsely clipped manner, as if he taught at Oxford. He is a horse's ass...

I ran into a divorce lawyer I know, who was buying raffle tickets. I told her that first prize was dinner with Alan, and second prize was TWO dinners with Alan. She didn't laugh --her husband works with him, and the divorce lawyer is precisely the type of social climber who gravitates to a guy like Alan..."I like him," she said..."Don't make fun of him."

So, I walked around with my friend Mike, and we ran into a classmate of ours from UM, who is on the 25th reunion committee. He told me he'd heard I wasn't practicing full time, and asked if my health was ok. "Look at me!" I said, pointing to my belly. "What do you think?" He laughed, and told me he wished he figured out to handle plaintiff instead of defense, about 15 years earlier. We all agreed that we'd have a fun time at the reunion, and we'd go without wives. Wait a minute. Dave is married to one of our classmates. We decided to make an exception...

I bid on some items, but was easily outbid. One thing was a dog gift basket, for our grand dog Madeleine. 3 young women lawyers were eyeing me suspiciously, and I think they placed higher bids after I left...

Mike and I drank our second glass of wine, and left. We decided to walk back to his office, 1/2 mile down Flagler Street. It was still about 85 degrees, and we sweat profusely.

I told him that, for the reunion, we should each hire stunning prostitutes and take them as our dates. We'd say nothing about who the escorts were --just wait for the fallout over the ensuing days. Mike said he'd think about it, but I know he'll chicken out, as I would, too...Somehow I think Wifey's sense of humor might stop short of the idea for that practical joke...

So, for the time being, I'll keep my socializing to the relatively few lawyers who care close friends. It's funny --all of them treat being lawyers as merely jobs --not identities like some of the big shots who attended the event last night.

I guess that as I age, I just have less patience for arrogance and self importance...especially from those who have major personality defects...