Picking Up the Check

In the early years of our marriage, Wifey asked me what I'd do if I ever made big money. I don't recall this, but she does: apparently I said I'd save a lot for our family, give to charity, and always pick up the check at dinner.

Well, we got lucky, and some money flowed from my law business. Sure enough, I saved, gave to charity (I proudly became a UM Founder, to thank my alma mater for the connections and skills she gave me) and set about picking up checks and paying for stuff for family and friends.

It truly became a habit of mine. At dinner, I'd have a few drinks, and simply not want to deal with the unpleasantness of figuring out who owed what ("I had the soup --you had 3 drinks."). So I'd pay -again, again, and again...

The inevitable happened: folks got spoiled. They simply assumed the Gravy Train would run forever and ever.

Alas, the firm came to an end, and the Gravy Train derailed...

The other day, I was out to lunch with an old friend. The bill came, and it sat there. Finally, I picked it up, and asked to split it. He looked, well, dumbfounded.

At first, he said "Um, didn't I get it last time?" He did, but then I reminded him about the free meals over the last, oh,17 years!!!!

He turned red, and said, "Oh yeah --your firm DID pay a lot, didn't it?"

I answered that if he wanted to do an accounting, we could, and he could write me a check...

"Nah --let me just get this one, too," he said...

And so it will be. I'll return to normal, in the generosity department.

The truth is, most folks barely appreciate generosity. As my partner Paul says, our largesse just served to "create monsters" -the sense that we'd ALWAYS pay.

Wifey noticed that one of our charitable recipients no longer sent us holiday baskets, since the large gifts from us ceased. Even though when we gave we gave more than the cumulative gifts of most of the other members of the charity, it came down to "What have you done for us lately?"

The answer in the future will be: a reasonable amount.

As for the dinner tabs, well, I'm ready to deal with the normal unpleasantness at the meal's end. Now let's see --who had the soup?