And It's All Right Now...

I ran into an old college friend yesterday, in my office building. He's a financial guy who seems to be prospering despite the bad economy. We joked and compared pre-empty nester stories, and then I asked him about a mutual friend.

The mutual friend, who'll I'll call Sean (NOT his real name), went to college and became a professor. He's been "writing his great book" since 1980, and "recording his great song" since about 1983. Despite being more of a dreamer than doer, I always admired him and thought he was pretty happy. Whenever we'd meet, usually at Canes games, he'd seem delighted to see me, and we'd exchange our, as Bruce Springsteen called them, "boring stories of Glory Days..."

Well, I hadn't spoken to Sean in over a year. I'd called a few times, and he never got back to me. He's a confirmed Luddite, so email is out of the question. I asked Financial Guy after him.

"Well Dave, you might as well know this. Sean CAN'T stand you. He admitted to me he tolerated you for years, mostly because you always picked up dinner and bar tabs, but when you slowed down in that department, he really saw no point in continuing to have anything to do with you."

I was surprised, since I had never considered Sean disliking me so much. Financial guy explained more. Sean sees me as an always happy, know it all, who thinks he's better than everyone. He resents how I throw money at people and think they ought to appreciate it. He sees my self deprecation as simply a twisted exhibition of my supreme arrogance.

He begrudges what he sees as my idyllic life, with a stable marriage, and 2 daughters I adore. He knows I give my time and money to charity, but he thinks that's simply another way I go around "subtley showing off."

I listened to all of this, and felt like I was the object of the great Bob Dylan tell off song "Positively 5th Street."

Financial Guy felt bad about telling me this stuff, but I appreciated it. I guess I was truly tone deaf about this old buddy's true feelings. If nothing else, I can take a hint --I'll no longer call the old professor (middle aged professor). And I'll wish him well.

I don't know. I never begrudge anyone success and happiness. In fact, I HOPE people I know win the Lotto, so they can give more to charity, and pay for some of MY dinners.

The great Brendan Behan line about "Fuck the Begrudgers" came to mine, but I really don't feel that way about Sean. More precisely, I hope someday he finds inner peace, and the ability to admire without envy.

In the meantime, I guess I've learned my lesson well: you see you can't please everyone...