Modern Family

So I had a long lunch yesterday with my old friend Allison, along with her husband Steve, and my partner in law, Paul. Allison and Steve referred a case to us some time ago, and the fee finally came in, so we decided to make the exchange of the checks an excuse to get together. For years, Allison was the little sister in our legal fraternity, and we shared so many experiences together. Paul and I adore her -- she was always there for us like a sister in the best sense of the word -- and she married Steve a bit later in life and now has 2 young girls with him. After we caught up on tales of our mutual friends, Allison shared with us the story of her mother's recent death -- aboard a luxury cruise ship in the Caribbean, and how her beloved father is dealing with his new stage of life. And we talked about extended families... My father had a brother and sister, and his brother died when I was small. His sister in law remarried, and although we had some contact with my cousins, through the years we drifted apart, and now the only exchange is through the wonder of FaceBook (tm). I haven't seen my cousins Russ and Gary in close to 30 years -- same goes for their younger half brother Adam. My father's sister Anne died at nearly 100, and I see my cousin Steve every few years -- when he's passing through Miami on a cruise. On my mother's side I have many first cousins. Growing up, spending time with them was always such a treat -- I have so many memories of running through the countryside of Rockland County with them. Although it was a suburb of NYC like my LI, somehow it was the country -- with apple trees, and open fields. My maternal side cousins have also drifted away -- I see one or another every few years, and continue to give free legal advice when one or another calls. But the point is, if something great or awful happens in my life, it wouldn't occur ro me to share it with any of them... Allison told me she hadn't spoken to her sister in the two years before her Mom died -- they're only a few years apart, and live about 40 minutes apart. Both married very succesful men, and have great lives. On a positive note, their mother's loss brought the sisters back in contact -- they now see each other and speak often. I guess the death of an elderly parent usually has the opposite effect -- the person the siblings had in common is gone -- what holds them together now? My Ds have 4 first cousins, and only have a relationship with one of them. Fates and circumstances have operated that way -- and it seems common these days. My partner and friend Paul is a happy exception. This Friday we'll gather at his son's in laws' house for Passover. His boy Alex is very close to his cousins -- Grant, in particular, looks up to Alex as his life mentor, and Alex adores him. My friend Norman is another exception -- he's close to many of his nieces and nephews and their children. He visits with them often, and Norman's father is one of the most beloved grandfathers and great grandfathers I know. He in his late 80s and can proudly tell you details of EACH of their lives -- and how he revels in them all. So the modern family, at least extended version, is not like it used to be in my parents' time. I'm old enough to remember "Cousins Circle" weekends in upstate NY -- swimming and playing softball with cousins -- getting a ride in my closest cousin Michael's Metropolitan sports car... A thing, in our case, of the distant past...