The Abdication of the Committee Chair

Sometimes I do thinks, like Forrest Gump, for no particular reason. Last weekend I decided to give up my position as the welcome guy in our homeowner's association. It wasn't a hard task, but I figured that after serving in the position for 10 years, it was time for someone else to keep track of the new neighbors, go buy cheap but drinkable wine, and ask the president for another "welcome package" which contains the directory and helpful advice, namely, DON'T pluck any ferns, as they may be endangered. So I emailed the Pres and Treasurer, and then emailed another neighbor and asked if she wanted to take over. She said yes, and so the changing of the guard was complete. Ha. As if. The neighbor I asked, whose name is eerily similar to the fictional character who died in a tragic kiln explosion at Emily Dickenson College in "Animal House," except that her name is Ann instead of Fawn, happens to be a realtor. And, she happens to get many of the local listings. Our venerable board member, and by venerable I mean 94, is also a realtor, and despite her advanced age, continues to get new listings. She's a real cool lady, and, self described "Non shrinking violet." Well, it seems the rest of the board is fearful of naming Ann, lest she "use this position" for "personal gain" in contravention of the strict rules of homeowner's associations which exist in the minds of the people who take these things very seriously. There have been several emails back and forth discussing the appropriateness of allowing Ann to be the person who delivers the bottle of wine and "Howdy Neighbor!" greeting. This cracks me up, although I have not been guffawing as loudly as I was during the previous neigbhorhood kerfuffles: one involving peafowl, and the other dog poop. Those were truly epically hilarious events -- this one is just puerile. Wifey, who has far more patience and tolerance for following rules than I, continues to serve as Crime Watch Chair, and also helps keep the directory current. Thankfully, being Crime Watch Chair in our over patrolled 'hood is tantamount to being the keeper of wafers and sacrificial wine at an Orthodox shul, but Wifey soldiers on. As for me, I can now descent into unfettered curmudgeonliness -- free to be a wise ass without worry of exposing the Homeowner's Association to libel or slander attacks. The whole thing has reinforced that I can never live in a place with any more control than this -- like zero lot line homes with an association with real power, or worse, a condo. No, I may just live out my years here, like the 94 year old realtor, or our neighbor Irv, who is 93 and still playing golf and cheering the Canes. It could be worse...