So I was guilted by Paul into attending RH services last week, but the guilt ran out, and so I have decided to skip shul for Yom Kippur. Maybe someday the feeling will come back, but for now, as the Righteous Brothers sang, it's gone, gone, gone...
But I will observe the day, as I have since 1987 when old acquaintance Ronnie taught me to. I was raised with essentially no religious observance, but for a Chanukah menorah and sort of Passover seders, and by the time Wifey and I were young marrieds, there was nothing. Ronnie had asked where I was going to services that year (he and his now ex Kathy were machers at Beth Am), and I told him I planned to simply go to work.
He said "David -- don't do that. If you don't want services -- that's fine -- but you're a Jew, and YK is the holiest day. You dishonor your own people when you go into your law firm and bill hours like any other day -- do your Christian friends work Christmas?" His words resonated, and I spent that YK home, sort of just taking stock and reflecting. My in laws had us over for a break fast -- they fasted but didn't attend shul, either.
So this year, I'll watch some online services -- probably from a D.C. famous shul we saw last year -- and I sent them a donation for thanks, and they reminded me about THIS year!
D1 is taking her boys to Chabad of the Shores -- they rented the Shores CC for services, and have a kids' room. Afterwards, there's a break fast at friends in Palmetto Bay, so we get to see the monkeys again -like yesterday.
Rabbi Yossi sent a moving email (with a request for donations, of course) but I enjoyed his message, too. He said we all understood YK as a day to ask The Big Man for forgiveness, but that begins by forgiving ourselves, too. That resonates as well.
These past few years, we've lost close friends. During Wifey and my trip to Shorty's Sunday night, we thought about Alyssa -- she was a Shorty's fan since the 70s. Elizabeth is gone 4.5 years now. Just last Saturday I honored my old friend Dave.
And despite these slap in my face reminders that life must be constantly savored, I still allow my anxiety, a birthright I wish I didn't inherit, to be part of my daily life. I forgive myself for that -- and will work more towards the times I can be without it.
I also try to be less judgmental, even when I hear people spew utterly moronish words. I must forgive myself for that, too, and remind myself they know not what they do...
Jonathan is going to shul with his family -- a tent set up right behind their house on a former golf course slated for more houses. D2 is skipping out, but joining the family later for a break fast.
D1 just sent us a wake up video -- Little Man decided to "surprise" his mother by decorating his face with permanent marker. Classic kindergarten boy move. I sent it to Allison, whose birthday is today, knowing it would give her a wonderful birthday laugh. It did.
Later this am, I will bring some bread crumbs to my pond, and symbolically cast my sins to the waters. D1 sent another video of her and her boys doing that at Biscayne Bay. Little man was indeed sorry for locking his cute Spaniel in the bathroom some months back. He didn't think the marker stunt rose to the level of sin. Me, either.
Man, life has so many moving parts. We think the longer we live, the better we figure it out, and thus it becomes more peaceful and simpler. I guess that's true for some -- but not me.
Even though I work very little, living with those I love and care for so much is a daily job. Do I share my opinions? Do I keep my mouth shut?
I know I screw that up constantly -- and today -- per Rabbi Yossi -- I forgive myself for that.
At sunset tonight, per tradition, the Big Man seals the Book of Life -- who will live another year, and who will not.
I ask him to seal my family inside, of course.
And as I told Wifey yesterday, I apologize for all trespasses against her during the past year, and I hope she forgives me. She did, but...there was that one time...
Ah. Forgiveness...
No comments:
Post a Comment