Birthday Funeral

 Tomorrow I turn 64, and I'll be spending the better part of the day honoring a man who had his final birthday: my dear friend Norman's Dad Max.

I've met few real patriarchs or matriarchs in my travels. My son in law's grandma Judy is a true matriarch -- ruling over her family with velvet strength, generosity, and love. And Max was a true patriarch, a man who lived a VERY full life.

I met Max at Norman's first wedding, in law school, and got to know him much better decades later. His origin story was like MY Dad's -- Bronx born son of Jewish immigrants, WWII service. But Max moved to Miami Beach, and there met his life's love Barbara, an exotic Jewess from England! Barbara passed years ago, and Max never even considered dating -- Barbara was the gift the Big Man gave him and that was that.

Since I lost My Dad so young, I have gravitated over the years to DOFs (Dads of Friends) and these men have given me so much in my life. I got to spend some fine times with Max -- though he just died at 97, he was still attending Canes basketball games last season, and Norman had just renewed the tickets for the upcoming one. There were meals together, and parties at Norman's house, when those still happened.

I always marveled at how Max's 4 kids, and numerous grandkids and great grandkids, were jealous of his time, and he had time for all of them. There was no hint that he was ever a burden, or tolerated by the  young ones -- exactly the opposite.

When his grandson Benji performed at a local jazz club, D2 and I went, and sat with Norman and Max. IPhones were sort of new, and I was amazed to see Max explaining to D2 how he "jailbreaked" his. D2 still laughs at that.

And as I just reminded Norman, my best memory of Max unfortunately involves pain to Norman -- a literal stick in the eye. Norman had asked if I could give him a ride to Bascom Palmer for an eye procedure, and when I arrived at his house, Max was there -- coming along to support his son, too. There was an hours long delay, and Max and I sat for the time in the patio area of the eye hospital -- talking of life. I treasure that day forever -- it's when Max told me something I take to this day: "A problem that can be solved with money is NOT a real problem." Of course, it's nice to have money, which Max had plenty of -- but it's true. Some things in life are beyond our help -- things you can buy your way out of -- not so much.

Norman finally came out of the procedure, with patched eye, and felt badly I had spent the entire day waiting. Nothing could be farther from the truth -- as an added benefit, we had killed some of the time visiting Dr. Barry at his office. Other than the stick in Norman's eye, it was the most quality Max time I ever had, and it was wonderful.

Max was extremely generous -- giving his family gifts and mortgages so they could buy their first houses and condos. A few years back, the City of Doral honored him by naming a street after him -- he was a pioneer doing business in the now booming city, when it was just farms with MIA bound jets rumbling over it.

So the funeral is at Beth David, a congregation he helped found, and the burial at Mt. Sinai, a VERY old Miami Jewish cemetery -- he'll be reunited with his beloved Barbara. We'll honor and bury a truly great and, as my friend Kenny noted about his father, more importantly GOOD man.

It's funny -- I was once at a Jewish funeral with a gentile friend, and they were horrified at how we all took turns shoveling the earth -- like we were eager to "get rid of the guy." I explained in Jewish tradition it was precisely the opposite -- burying someone is the ultimate mitzvah, or commanded good deed -- it is one the object of can NEVER repay.

There's a shiva at Max's condo afterwards, but we need to miss that. We're gathering at D1's house to late celebrate Baby Man's 3rd birthday -- he was busy last Friday, and we only FaceTimed with him. We haven't seen him or Little Man in a few weeks -- Little Man took his Mom to Chicago and got to have "the best day of his life" at the Field Museum.

After, we have a grown up pregame at D2's house, before my birthday dinner with family, at The Palm. I know Max would approve of celebrating life -- once proper respects to the departed have been paid.

Wifey noted the MANY deaths lately -- since her sister of another mister Elizabeth died in her sleep in May of 2021. Recently Kenny's Dad Manny, Jeannette's husband Bob, Loni's Dad Don, and most recently Bill -- Stu's Dad. We also lost our friend Susan who just turned 64.

As Kenny points out -- it's just a matter of mortality tables -- the longer we live, the more we lose.

Max was a happy outlier -- nearing 98 and really ok until the final weeks. We'll honor him tomorrow, and then I'll get back to the business of living -- the year I become, hopefully, eligible for Medicare. Wow -- how did THAT happen to this UM freshman?