Well, it took 5 years, but the poetic justice I had wished for Crystal Cruises has been meted out. My story began when Wifey and Edna were getting ready to celebrate a milestone birthday, whose number cannot be revealed, but it was 5 years before they became eligible for Medicare.
Edna had been on a luxury cruise line with an old boyfriend, I think Seaborne, and reported to Wifey that it was incomparable to the experience of more pedestrian lines like Royal or Celebrity. She assumed that Crystal would be just as fine.
So we invited Norman and Deb, and we three couples met on a Crystal ship on the Hudson River. D2 and Jonathan were then still living in the West Village, and we got to spend a great evening with them before the trip -- and then we mustered with the other two couples. The itinerary was the Maritimes -- the northeastern Canadian islands, like Nova Scotia and New Brunswick. We also stopped in Boston and Newport.
The cruise was fine, but I noticed we had the same itinerary as a Royal ship, and during one of the underwhelming shore excursions, met some folks from the Royal ship. The had a suite for 1/3 the price what Wifey and I paid for a small, cramped cabin -- with a shower that was a narrow plastic tube that reminded me of Star Trek's transporter chamber.
A highlight was one small bar, where Norman and I befriended a talented young pianist (not 9 inches) who each evening would play Alan Parsons Projects's "Time" for us as we got buzzed on our cocktails.
The birthday ladies enjoyed it, and I guess I went on a bit long about how we were so blatantly overcharged. Wifey eventually banned me from talking about it -- but then recent news made that impossible.
Oh yeah -- almost forgot. A month after the trip, we got an email from Crystal. Maybe everyone aboard our voyage ought to see a doctor -- one of the kitchen staff was diagnosed with hepatitis. The news of possible liver damage upset me so much, I immediately began drinking more alcohol. As far as I know, however, none of we cruisers had to join the liver transplant list.
Anyway -- seems Crystal's luck and money ran out. They skipped out on some millions in fuel bills, and under Admiralty Law their ships were seized -- two in the Bahamas, and one in Argentina.
I'm not a vengeful guy -- ha -- yes I am -- and this news brought a smile to me. Rip me off, you mediocre, snooty, and overcharging by 3 times business. You deserve the ignominy of your dreadful end.
In fairness, I'm not really a cruise type of guy. Lately, I'm not a travel at all type of guy. We may well cruise again -- Kenny and Joelle were telling us last night about a European voyage in the Fall -- ports we've never visited. And the truth is, when I'm with good friends, I have a good time regardless.
And I did enjoy a river cruise I took with the Ds years ago. Wifey had to skip it on account of her bad back, but I loved seeing places along the Danube, though afterwards the Strauss waltz left me with a legendary earworm.
Maybe Wifey and I will do one of those.
But as for Crystal, cue the Simpsons' Nelson: Ha Ha.
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