People Want To Be Connected

 So I've noticed an interesting thing about people -- particularly those who reach a certain age and never marry or have kids: they hunger for connection.

Often pets take that role in their lives. We have friends who absolutely treat their pets like their children. I mean, I like our dogs well enough, but they're not the same as my humans. To some -- they are.

A friend passed away last year -- she had been married and divorced, and had some long relationships, but never any children. But one of her boyfriends had 3 kids, and our friend saw herself as their stepmother, particularly to the youngest girl, now about 30.

This girl had a troubled life -- heroin addiction for starters. But she moved to Broward, a capital of recovery centers, and seemed to be on the right trail. Our friend would always make it a point to visit her while she was here -- and I got the sense the young woman was reluctant to continue the relationship.

And then, a few years ago, the young woman got married -- a rather large wedding in West Broward -- and our friend wasn't invited. Wifey and I were heartbroken for her -- after all the attempts we saw our friend make, and the continuous efforts to keep a relationship -- the ultimate snub.

The young woman had a baby, and our friend kept up with her -- and then another snub: a limited invite to the baby's birthday party, which came with a warning that many of the guests would be Trumpers, and our friend was NOT to mention her passionate anti-Trump feelings.

We thought at that point, our friend would get the hint -- let the young, troubled woman be.

And then I learned that, indeed, the rebuffing woman was one of the beneficiaries our our friend's will, along with her two brothers, who likewise had lukewarm feelings towards our friend.

I get it. Even though the feelings weren't mutual, in her mind our friend wished to believe she "had children."

It recalled another similar incident, where an old man I knew had a long term girlfriend. He died, and left his condo to a nephew who had zero to do with his life -- although he was decent enough to leave his long term girlfriend a life estate in the condo so she wouldn't have to move.

Here, too, the fellow wanted to have a "legacy" - some connection to family after he died, even though the beneficiary nephew had about nothing to do with him.

To the nephew and our friend's ersatz stepkids -- I say "Score!" They benefitted financially just based on circumstance -- not because of any truly loving relationship during the decedents' life.

When a person leaves money or gifts in a will -- they do it without having to hear any criticism from those living with them. In our friend's case, had she consulted me, I would have urged her to leave her legacy to charity -- she was a passionate supporter of nature -- instead of an undeserving young woman.

But that would have shattered our friend's fantasy of connection -- even if it was one sided. I hope when the young woman gets her check, she at least thinks warmly of our friend. She's a recovering addict, and won't be toasting with alcohol, I suppose. But maybe a coffee mug skyward -- giving thanks to the generosity she didn't deserve.