April Fool's Day Postponed For Me

As a frustrated comedy writer, which I have been since the age of about 9, I always enjoyed April Fool's Day. I remember learning about it in grade school, and beginning my career like most kids: "Hey -- there's a spider on your head" and progressing to better and more involved pranks.  Well -- not this year -- my mood is far too anxious to be silly or funny. If we all get through this, I WILL find my anxiety for nothing funny -- but that will have to come later.

Two of my deeds from past years stand out, in addition to the many claims that Wifey was pregnant -- well past the time of menopause.  One involved my friend Peter.

Pete and his partner Gene referred a really good PI case to my old firm. It was a young business executive struck by a drunk in a rental car. Back then, rental car cases were great to have -- unlimited insurance coverage. Now the coverage is capped, and no one wants them.

Anyway, the client, who came to become a friend, had awful injuries, which, thankfully, over time, he recovered from. But we struck fast with the case, and used an overwhelmed older defense lawyer, long gone now, to advise his client they'd better settle fast, and big. They offered nearly $2.5 million -- in late March.

Pete would call each day for updates, and I told him we were close to settling, but holding out for just a bit more. Pete and Gene were in for a healthy 6 figure co- counsel fee, and were already spending money based upon the sure thing. Pete went out and leased his first luxury car.

Well -- he called on April 1, and I was overcome with devilishness. I told him that the client was so determined to show he was still a tough guy, he was out running a marathon, and been recorded by the defense. There would be no settlement. I think I heard an anguished whimper, but there was definitely silence. We hung up. I told everyone in my firm what I had done. They nearly peed their pants.

I'm not THAT evil, so I only allowed my friend's suffering to go on about a half hour. I called him back. He was nearly inconsolable "I took out the LEASE. I don't know what I'm going to do now." I said to him "And to get the news on this, of all days." "Oh -- I know -- I always get bad news on Tuesdays...wait...you son of a bitch!"

He ran to call Gene, and we all laughed the laugh of relief together, and, indeed, there was a fat co -counsel check a few weeks later.

Yeah -- those were the days. April Fool's somehow seemed fun and appropriate. Now I pour through the latest virus news, hoping to see some glimmers of optimism.

That super genius, Michael Levitt, thinks Italy and NYC have peaked -- the end of the plague, for them, is in sight. For us in South Florida -- who knows?

I'm hoping the great Eliot poem is wrong, and in fact April is NOT the cruelest month.

But for now, it's not one, for me, that feels very light hearted.