Last Woman Standing

My Mom was one of 5 Goldsmith siblings -- a boy and 4 girls. The youngest, Giggles, who got the nickname because she used to cry all the time as a baby, died last year. Her husband Bernie was one of the two surviving Goldsmith sibling spouses, and he died yesterday, at 90. When I was a kid, I enjoyed the tail end of the extended family closeness. I idolized my older cousins Michael and Jeff -- my Aunt Lorraine's boys. They were 5 and 10 years older, and taught me some adolescent life lessons. Michael had one of the first conversion vans, a Dodge, with a shag carpeted bed and killer stereo system. Our families vacationed together in Miami Beach in the early to mid 70s, and when Michael would take my 15 year old self for cruises up Hotel Row, or to visit his Aunt Claire in Coral Gables, well, it was a highlight of my youth. Over the years we cousins have all grown apart. Contact today is only by FaceBook (tm) or the occasional call to me for free legal advice. And most of the cousins live within an hours drive of each other in South Florida -- relocated over the years from the NYC metro area. When Wifey and I bought our first house, I planned a big cousin reunion. I invited maybe 10 of the 16 of us who were close, and they all said they'd come. This was 1988, so pre cell phone and social media. Wifey and I ordered a TON of our go to take out -- from Canton -- and I well stocked my bar, and picked out appropriate 60s and 70s music for us -- the whole range of Baby Boomers -- born 1945 until 1961 (me, the youngest first cousin). We waited, and waited, and only one couple, my cousin Jeff and his wife Lynn -- showed. Jeff and I ended up sharing a whole bottle of Absolut, and laughing as we told tales of the family. But as I called each of the other invitees, their responses were, essentially, "Oh -- was that tonight??? I totally forgot." So I vowed that would be MY last effort to keep the cousin's circle going, and it has been. And whenever we get together, for a wedding, we have a blast. But then someone would say "We really HAVE to see each other more often," and I agree, but no one cares enough to actually plan it. So back to Bernie...he was the family's lovable loser. The lore, told to me by my Mom, was that when Giggles brought him home, my sage Grandma Anna was concerned. That Bronx boy wasn't right. So "she had him seen by a psychiatrist" to make sure he was marriage material for Giggles, and apparently he passed the test, as they married, had 4 kids, and stayed married until Giggles' death. Bernie was a trendsetter -- a typical Fox News watcher and believer, decades before Fox. He was convinced of EVERY conspiracy theory there was -- and warned us all of the coming of the second Depression. I hope he felt partially vindicated last decade, with the Great Recession. Bernie always had lower level jobs -- US Mail, security guard, store assistant manager, and there was some family looking down at the fact that his wife, among the siblings, always had to work. Of course, in my Uncle Marty's case, he escaped this ignominy only because his wife Muriel (more on her in a moment), had a very rich brother who supplemented Marty's signmaker business income. But Bernie was richer in another way -- he had 4 kids, and they all adored him. He provided for them, and they loved him so. After Giggles died, my cousin Marlene (her twin is Arlene -- really) moved Bernie from Florida to New Jersey, to better care for him. Each of the other 5 families Ha! had much more pathology than Bernie and Giggles' did. Their kids and grandkids all clamored to be around them. Bernie died well loved. So now, of that generation, only one remains -- my Uncle Marty's wife Muriel. Her daughter Ronnie, my cousin, called last year, to ask me about top cardiologists. I recommended Dr. Eric's practice -- Muriel was a former patient, and thought they were horrible. She was a classic example of why Eric now does more administration and sees fewer patients -- his practice is MOSTLY angry, aging Northeasterners, who blame him for their declining health, instead of their serious aging, and poor habits... When my Mom was in the nursing home, Muriel and her family visited her exactly the same amount of times the rest of my Mom's many nieces and nephews and grandnieces and grandnephews visited -- ZERO. So my extended family is indeed meaningless to me, other than for historical purposes. And Bernie is gone. Muriel is last standing. Of the 16 first cousins, the oldest, my Aunt Dorothy's daughter Arlene, is the only one to die. She was in her early 70s. I anticipate the number will increase over the coming years. But as for Bernie -- may his memory be as a blessing. It shall be for his kids and grandkids, at least.