More Intimations of TFO

I've always had, as Howard Cosell used to snarkily remark, a tremendous grasp of the obvious, and it came to me again last week.

It's awful to admit, but I really can't stand old people. At least a healthy majority of them.

Wifey and I visited ancient Mom last Tuesday. She lives in South Palm Beach County, old people central. I'm not a slow driver, but as the traffic light turned green at several intersections, I got a huge horn honk from some 80 or 90 year old behind me, clearly in some sort of amazing rush to a canasta or poker game...

As I drove into the parking lot to buy Mom and us our lunch, each car backing out was treated to another vicious honking, by more impatient seniors. By the time I got to Mom's condo, Wifey and I were going on and on about how they (the oldsters) contribute nothing to society, they just take and take and take, and they're nasty about it, to boot...

I know part of my feelings are deep seated psychologically. Delray Beach is the place my father died, in my arms, and so I'm never really going to have fond feelings about the city. And it's the place where my mother is sinking, slowly and with certainty, to further senescence and then death...

I also know some cultures, like the Asians, revere their aged. I wish I felt that way, but to me the very old are just annoying...

On Thursday, I was in Gainesville, the polar opposite of South Palm Beach County. The 352 is a city filled with young adults, in their prime, and on the make. They walk fast, they have real places to go, metaphorically. They're on their way to becoming our teachers, leaders, scientists, doctors, and (sadly) lawyers...

They're up beat. They contribute, and seek educations so that they can contribute more.

No one honked their horn at me.

Dr. Eric has a very succesful practice in Delray. The vast majority of his patients are angry, bitter, oldsters. They lash out at him for their ailments, after years of smoking and over eating. Why don't they have more energy at 80? Their doctors up North made them feel better (when they were 50, of course).

I absolutely couldn't have his job. I can't stand the few old bitter folks I've had as clients. I had one recently -- an 80 year old "big shot NYC developer" who was hit by a taxi on Miami Beach. He boasted of his riches, yet seemed mighty desperate to get a hold of the $35k or so his case netted him.

Luckily, my friend Stuart inherited this fellow, along with the daily operation of our practice. I joke with Stuart that this one client was the reason I don't want to handle cases anymore. I'm only partly kidding...

Since the men in my family seem to have the decency to die before their 70s, it seems likely I won't be around to become one of these nasty old men.

If fate shows her irony and I do live a long time, I plan to get a huge, white sedan equipped with an extra loud horn, to honk at those tarrying kids who get in my way.