The Apostate's Shana Tova

I was raised with virtually no formal religion. I knew I was Jewish, and inherited from my father a great sense of pride about my culture, but we were,if I'm honest about it, bagel, corned beef sandwich-loving, Zionist, secular humanists.

Mt father was raised Orthodox, and he rebelled. His apostasy began as a teen, after growing up in a strictly kosher home, and ordering bacon and eggs, and surviving! Really. He told me he took a bite of the bacon, which he found delicious, and waited for thunder and an earthquake that never came. He knew at that moment that the lessons he got in shul had a healthy dose of bullshit in them, and began a lifetime of, essentially, agnosticism.

Of course, he died young of a heart attack no doubt brought on by his pre-statin era hyper-cholesterol levels -- the bacon aided this --so maybe God has a vicious sense of humor after all...

When I was Hebrew School age, he asked me if I wanted to attend. Ha! As if! My one Jewish junior high friend (this was working class, blue collar Levittown) told me to avoid those boring Wednesday and Saturday classes like the plague. Eric Grossman was incredulous at my luck --his father Buddy gave him no choice!

And so I was never Bar Mitzvahed...

I came to The U, and came under the influence of Eric and Barry, who had come from more traditional religious backgrounds. I went to services with them. I appreciated being included, but never felt the Word in my heart. I met a young Hillel Rabbi, and he used intellect to get me back to the Faith.

When Wifey and I were to marry, the Rabbi, who I'll call Mark Kram, since that's his name, counseled us, and asked to be the "third spouse" in our home. Wifey and I bought in, and seemed headed for a life of traditional Liberal Reform Judaism...

And then Rabbi Mark called a week before our wedding, to tell us we was no longer partners! He got a free trip to Israel, from Federation, and left us without a Jewish Priest! Just like that! Money beat out Faith.

We found a Relief Rabbi, but the damage was done. Wifey and I avoided organized Religion for years...until we met our Chabadnik friends.

Rabbi Yossi and NEchama brought us back. I attended services. Wifey helped build the budding Hebrew School. We made our girls attend, and become Bat Mitzvahed, although in a non mainstream way, sans the expensive party... (they still hold this against us).

But now my roots of apostasy pull me back down. Today is the Jewish New Year, and I ain't going to Shul. I feel like a lapsed Catholic passing a church on Good Friday. Part of me tells me to go, but I've decided to go visit ancient Mother instead.

D2, in a Jewish sorority at UF, is also taking the apostate route. D1 IS going --she scored a ticket to the fanciest Temple in town, a place where the women's holiday fashions rival those seen at a Miami Heat game , with (sometimes) less cleavage showing. D1's friend's Mom is a cantor at that synagogue, which I'll cal Beth Am, since that's its name...

Maybe I'll go to shul next Friday for Kol Nidre --the night before Yom Kippur --the Holiest Day. I don't know.

I DO know that confirmed Atheists turn me off as much as confirmed Believers.

I guess I'm just my Father's son...