Where''s the Free Toaster?

I used to love going to the bank with my father. Since he grew up poor, I think that just the fact that he had the money to NEED a bank thrilled him, and it was always a fun errand.

When he moved to Florida, he made friends with all of the older lady clerks and assistant managers, and he flirted with them. Whenever he opened an account, there was an extra "free gift," typically a toaster or small appliance.

Those days are long gone. I do most of my banking online now, although I AM friendly with the tellers in my building. The recent financial crisis has taught me to spread out my accounts to various banks, since none of them seem immune to failure.

Today I went to a local bank, Ocean Bank, to open a CD. They were offering a 13 month rate of 4.5%, so I decided to open an account there. This is another example of changing times --I remember my father routinely getting 15% on his CD accounts. This is a major reason my mother still has money to live, nearly 30 years after my father retired with a comfortable but no means princely nest egg.

Anyway, Ocean has an office pretty close to my house. I walked in, and there was no lobby. The heavily accented clerk asked why I was there, and I told her to open a CD. What followed was a commercial transaction with all of the charm and warmth of a visit, I suppose, to the Welfare office.

I mean, I was depositing a rather large sum of money with them, and was treated, not rudely, but certainly extremely dryly.

The young clerk had to repeat three times that I had a choice of having the interest applied monthly, or sent via mail. She got angry when I kept asking what "eeeeentrest vy de mooonth" meant.

Anyway, I got my CD, and she said "Jor offeeeecer es Lourdes --I jeees open el account." Great --can I meet Lourdes? "Well, she going on vacation and eees muy busy, so I don know."

I walked to the next desk and introduced myself to Lourdes, who was one step above the first clerk, in customer relations.

"Hey Lourdes --I just deposited a lot of money in your bank. I'm a new customer. Where's my toaster?"

Lourdes looked at me like I was the biggest nutcase she'd ever encountered in either Venezuela (I'm guessing) or Miami.

"Never mind," I said, as I walked away, watching her scowl, and think "Gringo loco!"

Well, as I said, I mostly online bank these days. If Ocean goes under, I'll simply make my application to the FDIC, and wait to get paid.

Dad's gone, as are the ways of the banks of old...