More Life in Paradise

We have a neighbor here, who is the town jerk. He is the only homeowner out of 83 who won't pay his Association dues of $125. 2 years ago, he emailed everyone saying that, because of dog droppings on his property, he was going to set out poison. It was an idle threat. Nest, he purchased and installed tacky signs, showing, graphically, stinking dog feces, with a red "x". These signs were stolen by annoyed neighbors, so he bought new BIGGER signs. The emailing about "what to do" about this has heated all of our computers. I share below my contribution:

Hello All:

Wifey asked me to respond to this latest brouhaha (one of Wifey's favorite words). Here's my take, and I apologize in advance for the use of a particular term. My chosen word, however, has no polite equivalent, in the same way that some Yiddish words are inherently better at conveying an idea or feeling than their English counterparts. Besides, we're all grown ups here, right?

K is an asshole. As most of us have learned, assholes often act the way they do to attract the kind of attention non-assholes do in more socially acceptable ways. A non-asshole might give charity, or excel in business, or be a welcoming neighbor, and in these ways achieve notice from others in the community. Assholes annoy people, and then sit back to enjoy the effects of their handiwork.

I respectfully suggest that we ignore our neighbor the asshole. Of course the signs are tacky and classless! Still, let's embrace them, and point them out to our friends and neighbors as examples that, even in privileged neighborhoods like ours, surrounded by amazing natural beauty, someone, somehow, will find a way to mess it up. That person is, of course, an asshole.

I have used K the Asshole's sign as a "teachable moment" to MY children. My oldest just arrived from Spring Break with a sorority sister, who's from Atlanta. As soon as they walked in our door, they asked "What's with those signs???!!!"

I explained that while they were studying at Florida's flagship university (second only to U Miami, of course), and learning about the great books, great ideas, mathematics --the very bedrock of our Judeo-Christian, Western civilization --sometimes the most poignant lessons are gleaned right next door.

The signs, they ask? Yes, learn well the lesson of human nature --no matter where you go, or where you live, there's going to be an asshole. K is ours. Let us celebrate him, not disdain him.

Dave

In a message dated 3/8/2008 11:38:20 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, B writes:


Hi Ann,

I thought my eyes were deceiving me when I passed them yesterday. I even backed up my car to take in the full measure of their beauty. Ben is out of town at the moment. I personally would agree that something formal, such as a letter, should be drafted, as yes, it is the first house you see when you turn down 134th Drive. I checked the by-laws and they unfortunately do not address this type of situation. We do have "Good Neighbor Guidelines" which were adopted on May 22, 1996 which does mention signs posted on the periphery of the neighborhood on the common areas on 67th Avenue and Old Cutler, but no mention of signs on private property. Item #7 states that, "All homes and yards are to be maintained in a manner which will bring pride to the neighborhood". That is about as close as it comes. (Yard sales, according to a statement in the Directory, not in any of the by-laws or guidelines, are "not recommended" for security reasons.)

The main issue which seems to be at the heart of the Kaplans problem is dogs, their poop, and their owners. Item #5 of the Guidelines states, "No dogs can be off leash when off of their owner's property. All dogs must have rabies shots and Dade County Dog Tags. All cats must have rabies shots. (Dade County Ordinance. Note: Please scoop-up after your pets". Given this statement, I would say they probably