Today would have been my Mom Sunny's 105th birthday -- or would it have???!!! She always told us April 13, 1920 was her birthday, but in her later years, when I had to check her into doctor's appointments and used her Medicare card, the day was different -- maybe the 14th or 15th? When Wifey and I asked her about this, she dismissively said "Oh well, you know, 13 was always my favorite number!"
And that was that. Mom was a fierce Democrat, but would have fit in well with the Trump era way of creating new facts when the real ones don't suit you. Actually, she would have LOATHED Trump...
My Mom was a loving one, and one of a kind. Unlike my Dad, who absorbed all of his family's anxieties and let them affect him -- Sunny did not. She dealt with what she had to, beginning with having a "crippled child" when my sister was diagnosed with a missing hip socket in the early 50s, and the loss of her husband of nearly 40 years, in 1982.
She would always ask how we were, and I was never really sure if she heard anything negative. But she kvelled about her kids and grandkids. I remember well calling her in 1992 and telling her how much money I had made on a case -- more than she or my Dad could have ever imagined -- a check multiples of their net worth. She said "Oh that's nice, sweetie -- need anything for the girls?"
Again -- that was that. She had no thought of sharing in my winnings, so to speak. Just everyone around her: be happy.
I guess I first realized this coping mechanism when I came home from UM senior year -- my first visit after leaving her alone following Dad's death. I woke up early, and looked for the newspaper -- my parents' always had a morning paper -- first the Herald and later, Sun -Sentinel. It wasn't outside the door. I asked Mom.
"Oh -- I stopped it. It's all bad news -- who needs to read that? I no longer watch TV news, either -- too depressing. I stick to animal shows and cooking shows."
Later on, when she met a man who was in her life, Max, she also watched, improbably, NBA basketball. Max was from Detroit and a big Pistons fan, but had converted to the Heat in South Florida. And he got my Mom into it, too. She went from the classic Mom who knew nothing about sports to saying stuff like "Oh David, that Alonzo Mourning is something!" Even in her 80s, life had surprises.
When she turned 80, in April of 2000, I decided to make a big deal of it. Our firm was in the chips, and I flew our family, plus my Boynton Beach sister, to SF to celebrate. The Ds were 8 and 11. My California sister and her 2 sons met us in SF, and we had a lovely visit -- drives to Berkely and Wine Country, and visits to Alcatraz. Sunny was still mobile, but needed help with the steep SF hills -- lots of laughter accompanied her grandkids' helping push her up those elevations.
At 85, we decided to give it another go, but this time without my Florida sister, and we all met in LA. Wifey found us a cool hotel in Hollywood where the magicians used to stay, and we visited Pasadena, where Mom and Dad married and began their life, and indeed the life of our family.
But at a visit to my friends' house in the Hollywood Hills, Sunny took a scary spill. She was ok, but she realized then her traveling days, at least involving airplanes, were over.
A few weeks ago I had lunch and a lovely long walk around the UM campus with Mirta, my sister of another mister. She always reminds me how Sunny had a huge impact on her -- the final 11 months of Sunny's life, when she was at Miami Jewish Home. Mirta visited her often, and Sunny's words and disposition amazed her -- here she was in The Big Man's Waiting Room, and she savored every small pleasure -- the feel of the sun on her arms, the delicious ice cream sandwiches from the vending machine in the lovely gazebo they had.
We celebrated Sunny's final earthly birthday April 13, 2013. She was, or nearly was depending on the calendar mix, 93. Mirta recalled the day well -- she got her dressed and met us at a social hall at the Home. We had cake and soda, and 2/3 of her kids were there, and all Florida grandkids except one, but his ex-wife attended with Sunny's 2 great grandchildren. Her Tampa great grandkids were there as well.
Sunny lifted her cup and exclaimed "Happy New Year!" She was still happy but confused. She would die 2 weeks later.
But she lives on in our hearts and memories. Several months ago, I learned that Hannah, one of Sunny's great grandkids and now a scientist living in NC, always keeps a picture of her displayed in her home. That warmed me.
So I hope your soul is resting, Mom. Maybe even, in ways we don't understand, reunited with the soul of my Dad, and your beloved brother, parents, and sisters. Who knows?
I just know I was a lucky son, indeed, and am thinking of my beloved Mom today.
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