Active Compassion

 Tonight I plan to practice, as a giver, a key lesson my dear friend Joelle taught me 4 years ago, which I call active compassion.

In January of 2021, Wifey suffered a stroke. Within less than a week, we found out that while serious, it wasn't going to have catastrophic effects -- truth is -- I was more afraid Covid would take her as she was hospitalized days before she was to get her first vaccine. I still recall those scary times too well. When we were waiting in the ED, an alarm would go off and staff would push us into the private alcoves -- a patient in pink was coming through -- and pink meant sick with Covid.

I assembled "Team Wifey," and they were terrific: my brilliant doc friends Eric, Barry, and Kenny. I didn't allow a single medical move on Wifey without their blessing, and back then, Kenny was still working as a Peds Radiologist at Baptist, so he was actually hands on. When Wifey was transferred (transferred by ME in the car as awaiting med transport in those Covid days was silly) to Lynn Rehab at UM, she was under Barry's watchful eye -- he visited her, and me, daily. And Eric kept a cardiology watch from Delray/Boca -- overseeing his friend Harry's check of Wifey's heart to rule out any rhythm disorders as the cause of the stroke (they weren't).

Anyway, the Ds and I visited on daily vigils, and I had plenty of support from friends constantly offering me meals or whatever I needed -- but then there was Joelle. She didn't offer I meet her and Kenny and her boys for dinner -- she DEMANDED I attend -- sometimes at their High Pines house, other times at local restaurants. I would beg off, but Joelle, an FIU Law professor and former federal prosecutor, wouldn't have it, and I gave in, and realized those breaks from the anxiety and fear about Wifey's recovery in the time of Covid were wonderful for me.

And Joelle does this for friends who aren't nearly as close, as well. When her colleague was sick with cancer, before tragically dying young, Joelle was there for her young daughters, whose father was a bit of an absentee Dad. Over the years, whenever I bring this up, I typically cry, as I have on trips to France and the Caribbean we've taken. Last night, we met for sushi, and I again told the lesson -- like the Passover story, it bears, to me, at least, repeating.

Well Wifey and I have a friend Susan, who suffered a stroke while babysitting grandkids in Dallas. Sadly, her episode IS catastrophic -- she's barely regained consciousness in over a month, and has been med-evacked back to Miami. Her husband Steve, a terrific guy, is dealing with his wife's care as I did Wifey, assembling the best care he can get, and luckily Susan is a decades long UM faculty member, and so has plenty of contacts.

We're not THAT close to Steve and Susan -- maybe dinner out once or twice per year - but I knew this was my opportunity -- and I have given Steve little choice but to let me take him out to dinner -- and that's planned for tonight.

One of his 3 kids, Spencer, D2's old friend is coming along -- Wifey is hosting mah jonng and would go if I asked strongly, but probably easier to keep things all guys.

Steve's such a sweet guy -- hoping I can just give him a few hours of escape. Susan's case is baffling -- it's like an episode of "House," but Steve is hopeful that the academic teams of docs at UM can figure things out, and Susan can begin rehab. Right now, she's too medically fragile to move to Lynn -- but they're doing PT and OT at bedside. Scary stuff, but we've seen first hand that people CAN recover from even awful strokes.

Our friend Mark, Crazy Sheryl's 20 year live in boyfriend, suffered a massive stroke on the golf course a few years ago. It was so bad, Sheryl and his daughter considered letting him go, rather than having brain surgery to give him survival. Mark woke up enough to realize the state he was in -- they asked if he wanted to "rest or fight," and he made a fist with the hand on his working side like a boxer -- he wanted to fight.

He just turned 70 and will live out his days in assisted living in Boston, but he's recovered enough that he's become a speaker on stroke recovery and the necessary of savoring life. We watched on Zoom recently as he spoke at their synagogue -- he was sharp, and funny, and most of all, amazing to those listening to his message. It seems the Big Man still has need for him here.

So as Passover approaches, I hope Susan can be emancipated from her awful state. But tonight, at least, I hopefully get to pay forward a beautiful gift, and lesson, from my sister of another mister, Joelle.