Born At Night But Not LAST Night

So probably going on 7 years ago, maybe 8, I joined a local boutique gym -- prompted by a combination of the Ds imploring me to move more so I'd be around awhile, and Kenny and Joelle going to a cool place they had found that had exercise classes.

Kenny and I were the two oldest (and typically only biological males) in the class, and it was taught by one of the gym's co-owners, Enrique. I was the class dunce, as my out of shapeness had me comically tripping and finishing routines last. Enrique came to me one day and suggested, nicely, maybe I would benefit from private training. I agreed, and we began a long and happy time together, ending when he needed to focus on building the business and only training a few corporate type clients. I switched to Juan.

Juan was great, too -- a Palmetto High grad who had made it to Triple A MLB, and he pushed me and I enjoyed our twice weekly sessions -- talking of life so the hour flew by. And then Covid hit, and I got into the best shape of my recent life having nothing to do with the gym, as they were closed. My anxiety about my family's survival and lack of anything much to do except walk 10 miles per day caused a 50 lb weight loss. I sent Enrique pictures. It was great, but when I realized the plague would spare my grandson and kids, and even Wifey who was hospitalized with a stroke during the throes of it, unvaxxed, my appetite returned. Now I like to say I'm fat but relatively healthy.

Juan left, and I fell to Jonathan, and we've grown closest of all. He plays guitar professionally, and is VERY single, and comes from a successful Sephardic family and we have tons in common, and the hour truly flies by.

There is zero I can't do on my own, but my laziness really benefits from knowing I have those Tuesday and Thursday appointments -- time I would otherwise be in LOL or Roasters instead of working on strength and mobility.

I got Wifey to go, too, and she is a bigger user of the services than I -- training with Bianca and taking private pilates with Joann. I bought an $1800 private training package for Barry, too, trying to push him into fitness like my Ds did, and he, after a long delay, started going to the Broward outpost -- loved his trainer. I think he renewed one or two times after the gift was used up, but then the trainer said she could no longer make it to Broward because of our local scourge: untenable traffic, and Barry has not re-upped . I hope he does.

Anyway, all was going well, and I was paying a lot, but figured with all my generosity to my family and friends, I could well splurge a bit on my own health. Training sessions are $85 per hour, and Wifey's pilates $100 per hour. Apparently these are typical for Miami private stuff.

But then (dramatic music) on Thursday Enrique handed me an envelope and told me to read it after my session. Ah, I figured I knew what it was. I had given him 2 solid hours of free legal advice -- he was going to thank my by offering a few free weeks to Wifey and me. I mean, we learned recently that 38 year lawyers can charge $800-$900 per hour to consult -- seems fair, right?

Ha. As if. It was an "offer of true partnership for health in the community" by having us pay, up front, just north of $16K, to "help in the health of the community with increased pilates classes, etc..." The offer would give us apparently a small discount, dropping the hourly rates to $75 from $85, and Wifey's PT (pilates) charges from $125 per session to $100 per session -- these discounts would last for 140 sessions, which works out to about 1.5 years.

When I read the "offer" closely, I really got annoyed. If it said simply "Pay a lot upfront, get a long discount" that would have been one thing, but trying to couch it in terms of "helping the community" - well --yuuuge turnoff.

Wifey said it reminded us of an email or FaceBook request years ago where friends who lived at that time in a $1M house (now worth $2.5M) had their daughter asking for funds so she could attend a private camp, or visit Israel -- I forget which. We laughed it off, but the girl, who went on to attend 2 Ivy League schools, was serious.

So this week I shall tell Enrique that no, there will be no checks or credit card charges coming for $16.5K. And Wifey and I may actually use this as impetus to check out the new LifeTime gym that opened in the Falls -- Wifey gets free membership with her Classic Medicare, and apparently the hourly costs for training and pilates are a good deal lower.

I really enjoy my time with Jonathan, and Wifey with Biance and Joann...but business owners need to read rooms better -- don't ask clients to "help the healthcare community" via paying your luxury business.

Wifey and I also debated whether our increased crankiness, that accompanies age, make this seem more annoying than we would have found it in our 40s. I have a feeling we'd have simply laughed then, and not insulted. And that's just the way aging works...