All Our Bags Are Packed...We're Ready To Go

 Man, did I LOVE that song when I was a boy, though I only heard the Peter, Paul, and Mary version then, and much later realized John Denver was the writer and sang it better. The PPM version is harmonized and takes away some of the sadness of the tune, which Denver wrote sitting in National Airport in D.C. and thinking about all of his traveling -- that great vision of bags by the door, awaiting a taxi, and the coming sense of missing home.

Well, last night I finished shoving my clothes into a suitcase, and Wifey is about done, too. We thought we might share one checked bag, to lessen schlepping, but realized 14 days probably requires we each have our own. I felt better about our choice when I spoke to Eric, FAR better organized than I, who admitted that he and Dana also are checking 2 suitcases.

So I pre-ordered an Uber to be here at 5, to MIA around 6, and plenty of time for the crapshow that is Memorial Day Weekend there -- turns out MIA is a Top 5 busiest US airport for MD. The boarding passes show our gate is near the Centurion Lounge, where we like to begin journeys, and Eric and Dana are coming to MIA an hour or so after us. They're flying Delta, and are on the other side of the airport, and will likely do their pre flight lounging in either Turkish or a Delta Lounge. Hopefully we muster for our welcome champagne in Budapest Saturday evening.

D1 sent a video of Baby Man dancing at his pre school, and Wifey and I miss him and his brother already, and we haven't even left for the airport yet. They are truly the cherries on top of the ice cream sundaes of our life.

Wifey and I were both awake early today, and talked about our lives and marriage. We agreed we BOTH have quirks and annoyances, and when we can laugh about them, all is fine. Wifey gets a kick out of my OCD behaviors "checking for incoming mail, overbuying cleaning supplies, making us arrive EARLY for everything, etc..." I am guilty as charged. Wifey is a bit more prickly about being called on her, um, neurodiverse behaviors, and that's ok. I come from one parent who was VERY chill -- my mother. Neither of Wifey's parents were at all chill...I always commend her on not being even MORE messed up...

So we'll be in Europe for Memorial Day -- I'm guessing there won't be any "Thank you, Yanks!" signs about. I plan to summon the spirits of my forefathers and foremothers who lived for centuries in countries adjoining those we'll be visiting. Budapest to Czernovitz is less than 500 miles.

Our family chat was sad yesterday -- mostly about the terrorist murder of the 2 young Israelis in D.C. Some of us opined that they never thought we may have to leave the US in our lifetimes, but things may, in fact, become tough for our people. I joked that I would check on real estate prices in Budapest, Vienna, and Prague -- Wifey immediately said "No cold countries for me!"

So I guess it would be back to the future for her -- temperate Haifa -- where she was born. The good news is most Israelis speak English, so I wouldn't have to be like those sad 70 year old Cuban men who were exiled after Castro and came to the US speaking only Spanish. I can learn to say "Stoli martini, please" in Hebrew, if need be.

Jonathan's family understands the impermanence of family homes all too well. His grandma Judy had a great childhood in the Czechoslovakia, until her mother had to hide her in a Budapest convent to survive WW II. Then she found a home in Venezuela, and loved her life there, until the bastard Maduro made living there untenable, too.

Wifey's parents had great childhoods in Poland until they didn't. The decision to emigrate to the US was a quality of life one -- both my suegros had family here, and life in late 50s Israel was pretty tough. My father in law never really felt comfortable here -- looking back, as an Independence War veteran, he probably would have had an easier life in Israel. But my mother in law Rachel NEVER liked Israel -- too many bad memories, including the stillborn son she had 4 years before Wifey was born.

So who knows? I sure hope we get to stay -- after 3 generations, I really love the USA. I hope they keep loving me and mine.

But for now, the 777 300 ER awaits, and a hopefully fine fortnight along and near The Danube. I hear Richard Strauss playing in my head already...

Bad News On The Electronic Doorstep

 Loved that line from Don McLean about reading about the death of Buddy Holly in the newpapers he delivered. Alas, several years ago I gave up the print Herald deliveries -- all my bad news now comes electronically.

We got word from Steve yesterday that our friend Susan was at peace. She died in hospice. I had grieved the day before, when I learned her fight was over -- yesterday hit Wifey hard, as she recalled the great times they shared -- especially the fact that Susan had brought us Vienna, the strange rescue dog, and how the two of them drove to their favorite jeweler, Phillips House, on Miami Beach. 

The funeral is set for Mt. Nebo -- set to be Wifey and my final resting place, in Kendall, followed by a memorial service at UM, in the same Lakeside Pavillion Dr. Barry was in for the Provost's Teaching Awards. It's Sunday, and I texted Steve that, but for our Europe trip, we'd have attended, of course. I said I would remember Susan to Budapest.

Steve wrote back that nearly a year ago, he and Susan were in Budapest, and loved it so they vowed to return -- they took the land version of the trip we're on -- Budapest to Prague. I told him indeed Susan WOULD return, though in spirit as we spoke her name.

I spent a lovely day with D1, dropping off the Special Needs/Now Elderly Spaniel Bo. We left with Betsy and Bo to fetch Little Man from pre school, to take him to Legos at the Community Center. On the way he explained to us that "some teachers are EXPERTS." Yeah -- the kid has his Mom's vocabulary already, and would never be called taciturn.

When Legos ended, we fetched him and then fetched Pura Vida in Downtown Miami Shores -- D2 pointed out all of the 100 year old houses in this old Miami suburb. We went to D1's house, and later D1 came home with Baby Man, and there was brother joy and the eating of quesadillas. I savored my time with those precious boys before dropping off D2 and her regular dog and visiting dog and heading for home.

Neighbors emailed me: more bad news. Their son, who I tried to refer to my friend Joel to fight some murder-y charges, was found guilty of arranging the revenge killing of a car customizer guy. The parents were "Shocked." I wasn't -- the evidence was solid, and then you go to trial in Federal Court in Miami, you lose, I think, 98% of the time. Joel would have gotten the kid a better deal -- he's going to now get "launched" as they say in the trade -- probably get life. I feel for his parents -- two lovely Guyanese CPAs.

But the bad news was not to end -- I awoke during the night to pee and read about the murder of the lovely young Israeli couple in D.C. They were beautiful -- the fellow bought a ring and was about to pop the question to his fellow Israeli Embassy employee next week. The creep is from Chicago -- I hope they destroy his whole family -- as Israel has learned with terrorists, that seems to be the only thing with any sort of deterrent effect.

So it's a downer day -- and I think of Melville in "Moby Dick," whose narrator Ishmael said that when he got down, he knew it was time to go to sea. Wifey and I and Eric and Dana are choosing to fly OVER the sea -- but I look most forward to these 2 weeks away.

And Sunday, if we arrive as scheduled, I WILL toast our friends Susan and her beloved Steve from that beautiful Hungarian capitol.

Praying for Peace In Jville

 So my friend Steve had been texting daily updates about his beloved wife Susan, who suffered a devastating stroke in March, while visiting their eldest son and his family in Dallas. After Steve got Susan airlifted back to Miami, I shared a dinner with him and his middle boy Spencer, who I hadn't seen in probably 15 years.

Susan was under the care of our friend Jose, the Chief of UM's Neurology Department, and a world class stroke expert. We were all optimistic that Susan's relative youth, 63, and VERY healthy condition before the CVA, would let her recover.

After a month at Jackson, she still wasn't waking up enough to move to Lynn Rehab, where Wifey had her stroke recovery in 2021. The options were limited -- turns out there are only a few rehab hospitals that take on deep brain injury patients -- and one, Brooks, is in Jville. They transferred Susan there.

The daily updates continued, until a few weeks ago -- Steve said there was relatively little to report, as Susan took, at most, baby steps. Her blinking and maybe saying her daughter's name was a major improvement -- Steve promised to update us with significant developments.

The text I feared came today. He told us all that Susan had been moved to hospice care last night -- despite her long fight, she had nothing more left. He asked us to pray for a "peaceful and soon" transition.

I guess I expected this outcome, but was still shocked. At Steve's last text, I responded that I was more and more into visualization -- focusing one's mind on a hoped for goal -- visualizing my problems from a camera rising far above the fray has been helping me a lot lately.

I told Steve that I was visualizing Susan and him and Wifey and me out to dinner at Captain's Tavern -- not for awhile, but eventually -- debriefing on this nightmarish Spring Susan had suffered, but looking ahead to the manifold blessings brought by our combined 5 adult kids and 4, so far, grandkids.

I guess deep down I feared the outcome that is now upon us -- and I'm very, very, sad.

Steve and Susan are that type of friends who you don't see often, but when you do, even after a year or more, you take up right where you left off. Their focus, like ours, was their family. And Susan was a leader in Child Protection -- along with her boss Walter, one of Barry's friends at UM Peds, they would evaluate and treat and recommend futures for abused children in Miami. Talk about a high calling.

At our last dinner together, Wifey asked Susan if she ever shared the most horrific tales with Steve. Leave it to Wifey to ask the probing questions... I don't recall her answers, but she did tell us that over her 3 decade career, she had seen it all. I thought of Springsteen's line in "Cover Me" -- "I've seen enough I don't wanna see anymore."

I stepped outside before and looked skyward and asked the Big Man to indeed bring peace to Steve, Susan, and their amazing family. The kids live in Dallas, NYC, and Chapel Hill, and Steve has NEVER been without at least one of them by his side. They are a wonderfully close bunch.

If I have to predict, it would be that Susan will pass soon, and her funeral will be after we leave for Europe. I will honor her when we return, in some way -- hers has been a very full life, very well lived, meaningful to many.

When her daughter Erin was taking a lot of time off her Peds Residency -- Steve made her return -- reminding her how proud her Mom was that she was becoming a Pediatrician, and knowing the last thing she'd want is to delay Erin's training.

I guess the only lesson I can take is the one I try to practice -- best said by the late, great Warren Zevon when he was given a terminal cancer diagnosis: enjoy every sandwich. I shall.

The Friendly Trooper

 Our neighborhood is a "Special Tax District," which means we all pay a yearly fee in order to have off duty FHP troopers provide un-needed security. It truly is unneeded -- Pinecrest's crime rate is akin to Mayberry's from the great show, but the residents voted to not only keep it, but actually increase the hours the troopers visit. We used to pay about $2500 per year -- last year it was above $3K and expected to keep rising so that we compete with the even richer neighborhoods like Snapper Creek to get our people.

I guess it IS a nice benefit, and the troopers are nice enough -- typically I just wave as I walk or drive by. But another benefit is that we tell them when we're leaving on vacation, so they keep an extra eye out. We heard about one Kendall house, owned by our neighbor Lori's father, where they actually brought a moving truck and cleaned the whole house out while the Dad was away. Hopefully that won't happen -- wouldn't want to lose our 5 year old desk tops or aging smart TVs...

Anyway, this am I walked over to the SUV painted black and yellow, and the fellow rolled down his window. And we talked --for a good 30 minutes. He was a Cuban guy, probably mid 50s, and we hit it off right away. Well -- half Cuban. I noticed his name was Scalia, and sure enough - -he had an Italian Dad who died when he was young (parents met in Havana) and yes, he's a distant cousin of the late SCOTUS fellow. Interesting Miami connections...

We talked of life -- he's married nearly 30 years and has an artist son in college in Milwaukee, and a 16 year old son in high school ("We got to travel a lot because of my wife's international job, so we started late.").

I told him we were going on a river cruise, and he and his wife took one last year -- the Nile. I asked if he saw any baskets floating by the boat -- he got the biblical joke. He noted that for a Miami Cuban working guy, he's seen a lot of the world.

We both have wonderful wives who, once in awhile, almost never, don't look at the bright side of things. He told me he awakens each day and thanks G-d and Jesus for another day on this planet -- I told him I did the same, but not the Jesus part. He got that, too...

He took down the information, and I wished him safety on his job. He thanked me, but allowed as he didn't do patrol work -- he was the DOT representative, and mostly inspected interstate trucks for safety issues. Ah yes -- much better than encountering maniacs on state roads...

Before my encounter, I reflected on life again -- something Dr. Barry and I discussed over martinis on Zoom Friday night. I've taken to trying to be like the great cinematic method, the one where the camera shows a scene of high drama, and then pulls away, sometimes all the way up to show the entire planet earth. Barry reminded me that was a fine shot in "Forrest Gump," with the feather.

English 101 students get the symbolism. What seems SO critical and anxiety producing while you're in it, is meaningless in the big picture.

Sometimes the painfully obvious brings me great comfort. I recall when my Dad died -- so many people said so many nice things, and yet only one conversation resonated. Jim Ash, the Honors Director and professor or Religious Studies, who went on to a life out of a Carl Hiassen novel, hugged me and said "Dave -- sorry about your Dad -- but we ALL do it." Yes we do, and it reminded me that though I was just 21, someday I would die, too, just like Dad -- so no big whoop, really.

So today I'll try on jeans and slacks, for the happy reason that I've lost weight and many of them slide off of my smaller tuches now. I don't wish to give the upscale fellow Tauk cruisers reason for that kind of laughter...

I need to drop off the Special Needs Spaniel with D2 -- Bo will be bunking with enormous Betsy and skittish Spaniel Lemon while we're gone. And then Friday it's off to MIA, and a 777 ER across the ocean -- the only tensosity is whether we have enough time to make our connection to Budapest at LHR -- if not, we have an extra day to get there before the trip really begins.

Eric and Dana are flying through Paris on an even later flight --CDG is a mess, too, but I think they have a longer layover.

But one way or another, the two brothers of different mothers who started drinking cheap beer together at the UM Rat in 1979 ought to find themselves, with our long suffering wives, drinking top shelf stuff on a luxury boat on the Danube.

Yep -- plenty of reason to thank the Big Man -- I leave it to Trooper Scalia to say it to his supposed son...

Just A Pimple On The Skin of Human History

 So as we leave one week from tonight, across the ocean to Central/Eastern Europe, I've been waxing philosophic -- especially since the late Spring Miami heat is back and it's too hot to wax my car.

The plan is to fly back, Business Class, to the land my grandparents fled just about 120 years ago, on account of the Czar's pogroms were getting to be a royal pain in the tuches, stay in a 5 star hotel, and then cruise on what's supposed to be the top tier boat run by Tauk, which is supposedly as good as it gets before you get into the realm of private jets and renting out entire villas for your vacation.

In short, the journey East for us is set to be FAR nicer and more luxurious than the journey west was for my two sets of grandparents, who, I'm guessing, were just happy to be on a ship out of Rotterdam bound for the new world and life in the tenements of the Lower East Side of NY, before they moved to the relative affluence of The Bronx as part of that great group, White Ethnic New York.

120 years -- as Wifey said -- a mere pimple on the skin of time. And yet, our lives are SO important to us -- decisions our adult daughters make -- health issues of dear friends and family -- what to leave in; what to leave out, as Bob Seger sang.

Our grandsons never met my parents or Wifey's father. The Little Man, during The Plague, say across from my suegra outside of The Palace ALF and their eyes met when he was a toddler. His great grandparents (and his brother's) will therefore be mere abstractions -- talked about in stories, but not actual humans either can hug or be directly impacted by.

I was never close to my grandparents, though now, I WISH I got to hear more tales about "Russia," as they called the Old Country, even though for my Dad's family it was Romania at the time, now Ukraine, and for my Mom's people it was indeed what they called "Russ-Poland," now, according to Google, just Poland. The cities were Czernovitz and Bialystok -- also abstractions to me, although I DO enjoy the famous bread from the latter -- bialys!

So a lot's gone on in my family these 3 generations since that emigration, and I get to enjoy the fruits of the labors of the past 2 -- primarily that of my beloved father who returned from over 4 years during "The Big One -- WW II" as his beloved Archie Bunker used to say, to work 3 separate jobs to support his growing family, then 2, and finally a single well paying sales job by the time I came along as the tail end of the Boomer generation.

So many tiny issues of our rich lives take on outsized importance. As I admitted to my nephew of another mister Josh just the other day, I'm bothered that his Dad, who I love, is considering buying a Toyota Camry -- this for a man who spends 3 hours per day in his car commuting to his job where he teaches the future healers of children, and can afford a much more comfortable vehicle suitable for his large size. I'm bothered by the fact that this amazing man takes such amazing care of those around him and does so little for himself. And is that really something of my concern, or truly anyone's other than the fellow squeezing himself into a too small car? Of course not.

I guess my goal for the upcoming trip is to truly lose myself in the past. I've already visited all of the cities along the Danube save for Prague -- and I plan to keep my mind open to the spirits of the Ashkenazim forefathers and foremothers who were in that part of the world for hundreds of years, leading to my modern family. Years ago, a DNA test showed I had somewhat less "European Jewish" blood than the typical American Ashkenazi -- like 92%. The rest was Italian, which is funny, since my Dad, with his olive skin, was often mistaken for Italian. I got the milkier complexion of my Mom's family -- with lots of blondes. But I'll fantasize. Did some handsome fabric seller from Verona visit Bialystok and have a tryst with a great, great grandmother? Who knows, but it's funny to consider.

My Dad always said there was a "Goldsmith sickness" on Mom's side -- many of her uncles were major players, and the aunts had less than Puritan values. So if I have to guess -- the mix came from her side instead of the colder, more intellectual bent of my Dad's family...

Wifey just shared with me a long talk with an old college friend yesterday whose life is chock full of difficulty, and has been for decades. She said they had planned a family trip to the UK, but canceled it after the spate of plane crashes. Really? The couple is nearly 70, as is her husband, and they're putting off a trip they truly want for fear of meeting Destiny that way?

I don't get it, but again, it points to the outsized sense we have of our own importance -- a few decades from now, it'll be totally irrelevant if this friend left this mortal coil slouching into decrepitude or falling into the sea -- the latter would provide, at least, some fat stacks for any survivors.

I have my inner marching orders -- embrace the positive -- embrace the peaceful, easy feeling the Eagles sing about -- leave my worries behind in the US as I journey to the Old World.

Sooner than later, in the scheme of things, Ecclesiastes proves its age old wisdom: all is vanity.

I Learned My Lesson Well

 What a Mother's Day 2025 we had. We laughed, we cried, we ate, we drank. It was a TWO order meal in day -- Pura Vida for lunch, and Mister01 Pizza for dinner. As D1 said in her thank you text: thanks for the unconditional love for our family and the carbs...

We got to talk -- a lot -- and much of it was about my nagging problem in life: I feel I need to fix everyone and everything I truly care about. The good news is that as I age, those lists have gotten far shorter -- for most -- I just cheerlead and well wish -- but for my true inner circle I think I have the power to repair.

And I know I don't. For example, Wifey has made clear she wants to live closer to the Ds -- not to necessarily babysit more, but to avoid the drive that used to be typically 35 minutes and now is over an hour. I thought, fine -- I can fix this, even though I have truly zero desire to move from this paradisical property we bought in late 2000. I kept trying to talk myself into a move -- Miami Shores has a beautiful Bayfront area where I can walk -- cool new restaurants -- closer to most everything than Pinecrest is -- a/k/a casa carajo. But when I saw that a downsized house will still cost over $2M -- the proverbial hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

Ok -- maybe a workaround -- we lease a 2 BR condo at Quayside -- we keep stuff there -- and keep Wifey happy. But after our family discussion Sunday, I realized something: there I went again -- trying to fix OTHER family members' problems. And so I made another proclamation: no moving, no rental condos, no downsized houses.

Of course, this proclamation is subject to change. I like to joke that many of my life's proclamations aren't worth the paper they're not written on. After our Hurricane Years -- 1992-1994 -- where we moved, with 2 small kids, one small dog and one jumbo dog -- 4 times -- I made a proclamation. When the contractor came by for the final payment,  I told him he had one more task: dig a hole in the backyard for my burial, since I was NEVER going to move again. Well, 7 years later, we did indeed move, to Villa Wifey, where we've been ever since.

So I guess we'll see. But I DO have a thick skin and think I can take advice, and when my family tells me to change something, I usually listen. And if they don't want my fixing, just my love and support -- well, I can work on that.

Meanwhile, Europe draws closer. I can tell Eric is getting excited -- he called me at 730 this am to discuss a few details. He actually woke me -- he knows I'm an early riser, but this am my 2 part sleep was 10-4, and then 5 until, well, 730.

I pulled 2 suitcases off the garage shelf -- this weekend Wifey and I will see if we can share one big one and make due with 2 carry ons. If not -- 2 big ones. Supposably (using the Miami spelling), Tauk is famous for handling EVERYTHING, and so from the time we check the bags at AA, Tauk does all the schlepping. We'll figure it out this weekend, but Wifey has a deep fear of being cold, and though Central Europe temps in late May to early June don't seem frigid, she tells me "50 degrees IS cold!"

Earlier I drafted and sent the "Bad News/Good News" email to the Ds I always send before we go on an overseas vacation. The bad news would be if something untoward were to befall Wifey and me. The good news is the money they'd inherit. I fully realize our chances of dying in the Uber on the way to MIA far outweigh the chances of dying due to AA or BA or Danube-related disasters, but my strange brain works in strange ways -- I'd have comfort in a 777 hurtling towards the Atlantic if I knew the Ds knew what's what with all our earthly details.

Yeah -- I DO probably need some more professional help.

In the mean time, we're off to see the Ds and their men as soon as Wifey returns from her PT. We'll fetch Little Man from his Lego camp at the Rec Center. Poor kid is one of us. Wifey asked him Sunday if he worries about anything, and he said "Ippi -- I worry about everything." He's 5.5.

So there'll be love, and support, and enough trying to fix anyone other than myself. I ought to have listened to the Ricky Nelson song and taken heed long ago. I guess it's never too late.

Thursday Fun Day

 So my trainer Jonathan texted early -- could we move our session to Friday, to accommodate other clients? We could indeed -- and so in 1.5 hours I'm off to get my flexibility and strength dose, to hopefully avoid the falls that come with age. Meanwhile, yesterday I got in my 3 miles on the street, encountering the friendly neighbors, including Karen, our new HOA VP. She told me her duty is to plan the holiday party -- what did I think of a progressive party this year. I told her I thought, like many rich areas, we had a lot of Trump voters -- not sure about the progressive thing. As a lifelong Democrat, she scowled.

But then I told her I liked the idea -- probably a decade or so ago, several of our neighbors had a NYE progressive party. Our next door neighbors Diane and Charlie, long divorced and moved upstate, had the apps and some cocktails,and Ann and Mark hosted dinner. They've also fled, to North Carolina, because of a VERY funny reason. Back to that in a moment. The night ended at our place -- nice champagne, and dessert as the bells for the new year chimed. So Karen is now recruiting 4 or 5 neighbors -- not sure if Wifey wants in.

We hosted the a big Devonwood party the year we moved in, and Wifey announced we would do it again in 80 years -- that's how many houses we have, and Wifey figured after everyone else took THEIR turn, we would do it again. Ha -- she's into equity...

But back to Ann and Mark. Ann was a bit of a looker in the 60s on Long Island, but, alas, somehow aged into her late 60s. Unlike many women who accept that, Ann had it with Miami, and the, well, many non appearance challenged women. At lunch at Greenstreet's in the Grove, with her husband, they were surrounded by hot young women at the other tables. "That's it!," Ann announced -- "We're off to Raleigh, NC -- women are frumpier there!" And indeed they listed their house, and made their way to the land where her cohorts wear sweatsuits instead of revealing outfits. Hey -- different strokes...

Anyway, after the walk, Wifey and I motored up to the Shores, and spent time with D2, and then loaded all 3 family dogs to go fetch Little Man, who is in the final weeks of preschool. Wifey waited for him -- no Little Man. A bit of tensosity followed -- where was he? Turns out his after school Drama group had decided to work late, and apparently some of the parents didn't get the email saying dismissal would be at 430 instead of 330. The very friendly Miami Dade Deputy Sherriff who is always at the school assured us our grandson was NOT lost -- just late. And indeed he came skipping out, to be greeted by a car full of dogs and his favorite honey yogurt.

We hung with both boys, and D1 came home, and D2 ordered us in Pura Vida. At 6, D1 had a babysitter coming to spell Lizeth the nanny, as she had a challah bake at Baby Man's preschool. Unlike her mother, Wifey, D1 IS a challah back girl...

Wifey was on her phone, which told me she was tired, and we dropped off D2 and Betsy at home -- I wanted to by at my desk top by 730, for a Zoom Memorial for Kenny's Dad Manny. I made it with minutes to spare!

About 25 folks were on, telling tales of Manny, and Manny's friend and co-worker of many years, himself VERY old, was one of them. He couldn't figure out the camera, and so just participated verbally, and he commented, in a pitch perfect LI accent, about EVERYTHING that was said.

Afterwards, Kenny and I texted, and agreed it was like having the Muppets' Statler and Waldorf on the Zoom.

But mission accomplished -- lovely tales were told of a very good man who was beloved by many, and brought his gift of music to students, and later to residents of his ALFs. He died at 92 in his own bed -- not a bad run, as all agreed.

So today I have my training, and then a trip to Total Wine. Wifey hosts mah jonng every Wednesday, and Lili LOVES my Cosmos, which are just pre-mixed Ketel One Cosmos, but I need replacements -- along with vodka, which somehow seems to go fast. I'll need some for Sunday -- Jonathan and D2 are coming for Mother's Day, and that means some martinis for us...

D1 is bringing the boys tomorrow afternoon -- Wifey and I are babysitting -- as D1 has a local birthday sushi party. We'll bring the boys to Chill 'N -- the local ice cream place with all the smoke that supposedly makes the ice cream better. I have a feeling the boys will appreciate the science lab nature of the place...

And Europe draws near -- 2 weeks from tonight. A boat down the Danube. Talk about a progressive party...

Prisons Of Our Own Making

 I get to travel mostly in very privileged circles. My California sister always points this out -- her tales of friends typically include awful hard luck tales, and as she said "My friends aren't rich doctors and lawyers like yours are."

Still, if I learned anything during these nearly 65 years on the planet, it's that NO ONE is immune from misery and darkness -- no matter how great things look. I first saw this in literature in the great poem Richard Corry by Edward Arlington Robinson -- the rich man admired by all the schleppers in the town, who had it all, and "went home and put a bullet in his head."

The other day I spoke to an old friend who hosted his kids and granddaughter for a week -- they live up North. I asked him about the stay, and all he could tell me about was how "the house is finally back in order -- toys put away -- and laundry all done." I knew him well enough to tell him I didn't give a hell about his house -- how were the humans? But this poor guy, who suffered all his adult life and continues to suffer from awful OCD -- to him -- it was all about restoring the order to his world after the tumult of a family visit.

His wife said the other night "I'm sure we've lost friends because of this -- when people come visit, which is rare, my husband spends the time cleaning up after them -- that tends to make guests feel uncomfortable." Ya think? One past the Woody Allen-like humor in it, I realized he has true suffering -- how can you savor life if your inner voice is compelling you to restore order?

We ALL have demons, and fight them daily, if we can. I joke that, despite my cheerful demeanor, my anxiety is a constant -- truly relieved only by sleeping, drinking, and, well...And as I age, these three respites are harder and harder to come by. I guess I could up my drinking, but don't plan to . Truth is, I never drink alone -- to me -- it's a social lubricant and makes the laughs louder. 

I'm also in a cohort that worries FAR too much about our adult children -- are they happy -- are they making proper choices? I can't help but contrast this with my own experience -- largely NOT needing parental help once I was in high school -- loving the closeness and sage wisdom of my Dad -- but that ended 4 days before I turned 21. From that point on, I supported Mom far more than the other way around -- I wouldn't have DREAMED of burdening her with my difficulties -- I was the MAN -- and I had to watch after her.

Same with Wifey, and her Survivor parents. As immigrants, Wifey navigated THEM through life in America, and not vice versa. So much of our marriage focused on THEIR needs -- were they happy where they lived -- were the finances in order -- Wifey, an only child, handled all of this with my help.

We didn't share concerns about the Ds with any of the 3 grandparents -- grandparents were there to babysit and have fun with. All 3 died without knowing anything about chronic health issues of any of ours, and without knowing any of the crises we dealt with. 

I can't complain, but sometimes I still do, as Joe Walsh sang. Wifey and I are privileged to be VERY close to the Ds and their families -- and eagerly take on roles of support and help -- financially and emotionally.

D1 said the other day how her monkeys "are a lot." Yeah they are, but I reminded them, if Big Man willing they grow and become independent like MOST boys do from their mothers, before she knows it they'll be Middle Schoolers and hopefully wanting less and less to do with her -- just "leave me alone Mom, but can I have a ride to the (        )? as one of the parenting books Wifey read explained.

The alternative is FAR scarier -- we know plenty of failure to launch, or failure to fully launch adult kids still living at home with their parents -- either not working at all, or working and emotionally not ready to get on with independent lives. One friend, a doc in Broward, has THREE of these! All in their 30s, and living at home. 

So I don't see privilege when I see my friends -- I just see folks very blessed in many ways, but cursed in others -- in other words -- flawed, imperfect, but often still wonderful human beings. And though we may look at their lives and see them in prison with the keys to the cell within reach -- that's not the point. Hopefully they grab those keys themselves and walk out into the sun.

Money, Money, Money

 I've always been VERY conservative when it comes to paying my taxes -- I err on the side of conservatism versus aggressiveness, when it comes to deductions. Our company CPA feels that way, as does my personal CPA -- I always tell him, especially as I near Social Security, the LAST thing I want to deal with is an audit.

Fortunately, the last "examination" of my return was back in 2006. I had given sizeable donations to both UF and UM Departments of Peds GI, and the IRS questioned them. I sent them the receipts and checks, and some auditor decided to allow the UM deduction but not the UF, since D1 was a student there and they figured the UF deduction was my paying tuition. Not true -- D1 was on full Bright Futures Scholarship, and the balance was by Florida Prepaid, but I went to my roommate Mark, who handled IRS cases, and he suggested I just let it go, lest the IRS decide to audit our firm as well as this one issue. It cost me a deduction of about $6K, and I followed Mark's advice. Grrrrrrrrr.

Several years later, D2 got a letter -- the Agency had reviewed HER return and found she over paid -- she got a check for $800 or so. That was a nice surprise.

Well, last Thursday, my US Mail App showed 2 letters from the IRS to Wifey and me. Annoyance set in -- what now? When we returned from D2's house, I opened the letters -- again, it was nice news. My CPA Mark had calculated a late payment penalty wrong, since Florida residents were given a break because of all last season's hurricanes, even though South Florida was in the clear. The "recalculation" said we were getting back $1600 and change -- the check came yesterday. Finally, as I like to say -- SOMETHING good for the rich, white man!

Mark the CPA explained his software hadn't caught up with the forbearance. No worries -- a good letter from the government is always welcomed.

Speaking of money, I decided to get some Euros for our trip. Apparently one of the private guides Eric and Dana found wants to get paid in them (the other said dollars are fine). I happened to be perusing my BOA site, and saw they have a nice service: they'll send foreign currency to you, at a favorable 2% exchange rate, by FedEx, for free. I ordered some walking around Euros, and they came today.

Hungary and the Czech Republic don't take Euros, but I don't plan to mess with their silly currencies -- with dollars, Euros, and most importantly, credit cards, we ought to be covered. I'm hearing the Strauss waltzes in my head more as we near departure...

This dynamic is classic. I typically wouldn't choose to travel. Sometimes I feel like Johnny Cash -- I've been everywhere, man, and if I don't see another historic museum, church, or synagogue in my lifetime, that's ok. ZooMiami is as close as I need to get to exotic animals -- I have ZERO desire to visit Africa. I've only dipped a toe into Asia -- when I was on the correct side of the Bosphorus River in Istanbul, and I have no desire to go there, either, with the tiny possible exception of Japan.

Still, Wifey contrives to get me to go, by conspiring with dear friends like Mike and Loni and Kenny and Joelle and now Eric and Dana to plan trips. And, without fail, I end up VERY happy that I took the trip. I suspect this will be true on my second float up the Danube River.

I DO enjoy Fall trips -- relief from the worst part of Miami heat, and enjoying crips evenings. Joelle and Kenny have invited us to meet them in Maine in early October -- we'll plan a few nights on the Maine coast soon. It ought to be leaf season then.

Other than that -- nothing planned. But if I keep getting checks from the government...

For Whom The Bell Tolls

 So at dinner Saturday night, with Wifey, Barry, Donna, and Scott, I shared some research I had done earlier in the day: of Americans born my birth year, 1961, what percentage of us were still alive? Of course, Barry guessed closest: he said 80%. I think the answer, per whatever site I found, was 82%.

I had done the research since, as Scott and Barry noted, "obituaries and death are Dave's hobby." Indeed they're correct.

I guess it comes from losing my Dad when I was 20, about to turn 21. He was 63, and it caused me to think, from that time, that would be my lifespan, too. Of course, he died in the pre-statin age, which is a game changer, and my Mom made it to 93, so if I get more of her genetics and avoid things like crashing cars or airplanes, maybe I still have a good run ahead of me. Or walk. I NEVER liked to run.

Today is my late father in law's birthday. He would have been 100 -- he made it to 90 -- despite amazing hardships (the Holocaust) and a VERY serious heart surgery when he was  my age. I recall it well -- he passed out, and saw his family doc, who sent him STAT to Baptist, where a heart surgeon, Cesar Brea, a very skilled Argentine, recommended bypass immediately. Eric was in training up in Boston and I asked to send the VHS films of Richard's studies to Eric FedEX. I did, and Eric called right away: "I concur -- CABG ASAP."

After the surgery, I asked Dr. Brea what Richard was looking at for future life. "We hope to give these patients 10 more good years." Dr. Brea was humble: Richard survived 27 more -- outliving both the younger Dr. Brea and the family doc who saved him by recognizing the seriousness of his heart condition.

So you never know.

I do know that some folks I know age well, and others poorly. And though lifestyle seems to help, I'm more convinced genetics rule -- and luck, I guess.

We're still dealing with daily updates from "Team Susan" about our friend, my age and a health nut, who suffered a devastating stroke. Last week, she was admitted to Brooks Rehab Hospital in Jville, one of only 4 like it in the US that specializes in "deep brain injury rehab," caused either by CVA or trauma. She faces a long slog to just return to the state where she can have REGULAR rehab back her in Miami. Each day brings baby steps -- though months after the stroke, she still out of it most of the day. I hope to hear better news each time Steve emails all of us.

Paul shares my hobby -- we talk of mortality most mornings on our walks in Aventura and Pinecrest. We wonder how much of our grandkids' lives we'll get to see. Paul's oldest is nearing 15, so I like his chances of seeing at least ONE college graduation. 

My oldest is 5, but I'm 11 years younger than Paul. I look at this gorgeous boy and his adorable brother, turning 3 this July, and wonder the same thing.

But one thing is for sure -- they grow so fast. Wifey is SO happy we live in the same city, as weeks to little ones bring major changes. We're planning a Thursday visit to fetch the pre schooler from school and spend some time.

And at 730, my friend Kenny and his brothers are hosting a Zoom Memorial for their Dad Manny, who recently died. I'll attend either from home, or from North Miami Dade.

So I keep watching those wheels go round and round, as Lennon wrote and sang, and hope I get to for a good long while.

90 like my suegro? I already outlived my Dad. 93 like my Mom? 97 like my suegra? The Big Man knows...

Smaller Dosages

 Our dear friend Elizabeth's yahrzeit is May 25th -- come that date, she'll have been gone 4 years. A memory of her was triggered today -- on my am constitutional, my neighbor Bob was telling me that Perry's Steakhouse had a promotion going -- they were selling diners, I think, $8 pork chops to honor their anniversary in the Gables -- the first 100 diners. Bob scored one last week.

It reminded me of one July 4th -- may have been 2010 or 2011. D1 was in grad school living on Brickell, and our plan was for dinner at the Palm followed by fireworks from her balcony. I believe Norman and Deb were with us -- Elizabeth definitely was. And the Palm offered NY Strips for $17.76 in honor of the holiday. Man, that was great eatin' and a great offer!!

Elizabeth, never much of a steak eater, enjoyed it, as I recall. And another charming thing about her, despite advanced degrees, was her occasional use of malaprops. One she used a lot was inserting the medical 'dosages" for the more general "doses," as in "I can only take her in small dosages."

We'd never correct her, but took that one on for ourselves, like the way I have adopted the very Miami "supposably" instead of "supposedly," and adopted another late friend, Alan's, neologism: "tensosity."

I really miss Elizabeth. She was so wonderful to our whole family, and she and I used to enjoy long talks -- especially during Covid, when I was putting 10 miles per day on my New Balances, and she had downtime from work at Orlando Regional.

She was the picture of health -- major exerciser, and ate clean -- never even a little overweight. But she had awful genetics -- her parents died within weeks of each other, both in their sleep, from heart attacks. She had seen a cardiologist for a rhythm disorder, and got the overnight monitoring, but probably the heart doc should have ordered a calcium score, too, which may have shown blockages in her vessels. Who knows? All I DO know is that she was a beautiful person, inside and out, and she's gone coming up on four years.

My nephew of another mister Scott is in town, and asked if Wifey and I were free for dinner tonight. We are indeed, and so will meet Barry, Donna, and their firstborn at Basilico in Doral -- 30 minute drive for each of us. 

Next weekend D1 and the boys are coming Saturday -- Wifey and I will babysit BOTH of them for the first time while D1 attends her friend's birthday event in Palmetto Bay -- and Sunday is Mother's Day. I remind everyone that I ain't HAD no mother since 2013 -- this will be the 12th MD for me as an orphan. In other words, Wifey gets to choose what we do.

Meanwhile the meter on moving is back to its default setting: staying put. Every time I picture a nice but 1/3 sized house in the Shores, my gut tells me no -- stay in my little (ok, not so little) slice of heaven. Another option, if Wifey insists on being closer, is to rent a condo in a development called Quayside -- blocks from both Ds. Quayside was THE place in the 80s, and it's still nice -- sort of like the Grove Isle of North Miami Dade. I would never buy a condo, but maybe a rental would let us have easy access and give Wifey a coveted "view of the vater," like her late Mother demanded.

For the ease of renting, that might/well could be a compromise -- and hell -- if I really loved it there, we could rent a BIGGER unit, sell Villa Wifey, and become renters. As we age, that actually sounds better and better -- let someone else worry about repairs, and if a hurricane gets a bull's eye on Miami -- well -- we leave and say to the owner "sucks to be you, pal."

We'll see. Right now, our trip is less than 3 weeks away, and hopefully we get a lot of living in before and during that trip. Fun -- that's best in HUGE dosages...

Just Another Manic Thursday

 So Wifey and loaded the Special Needs Spaniel into the man-sized Caddy SUV, and headed North to D2's house. On the way we called Jonathan's Grandma Judy -- one of our favorite people. It was her birthday, and we saved her from singing -- just sent love to her VM.

We arrived, and D2 and Wifey decamped to see a house for sale in the Shores -- D2 had made an appointment with the Ukrainian broker. The house was way overpriced -- asking over $1K/square foot, but was nicely renovated and in the part of town we have interest -- near D2 and Jonathan. I begged off -- we're not really ready to move unless Wifey finds her PERFECT downsized house and I don't exercise veto power -- not likely to happen. Wifey and I don't house shop well together -- I've known this for 1/4 century - so why would I take up bandwith even visiting a place she doesn't love?

Sure enough -- there was a fatal flaw (other than the overpriced thing) -- the Master bedroom was right off the family room. Neither of us want that -- Wifey stays up late watching TV, and our bedroom needs to be far from the Family room. Again -- need to find THE place or we're staying put.

D2 and Wifey returned, and we decided to ALL go fetch the 5 year old at his school -- Betsy and Bo included. The boy cracks us up -- his Tia said she was tired, and asked him if he was, too. "No -- I'm full of happiness." And, thanks Big Man, he is...

We got home, and a bit later his little brother arrived, as well as D1. We played soccer and wiffle ball and the boys acted like bear cubs -- I showed them my paper airplane making skills, for the first time. Boy -- all the time I spent avoiding paying attention in Math class while making those things...

A bit later Paul joined us -- his Wife and step son are coming back to town today, and he and I had a bit of business to do. We brought in sandwiches, but  Dr. Barry was free -- his boy Scott was in town, and had a concert date with Donna. Josh was to join us but dipped.

So we ordered from Pinch Kitchen, and I had a Ketel at the bar while the food was being finalized. D2 drove Wifey and the dogs back to her house -- and we pulled in right behind Barry. What energy that house has -- so warm and inviting -- I poured Barry his first and my second cocktail, and we ate the delicious food, and caught up -- got to debrief the Big, Fat, Media wedding of 2 months ago.

D1 was home putting the boys to bed. Jonathan was at a work dinner. We had a fine time -- time with my older and younger brother, as D2 and Wifey endured our tales...

The hour grew late, and Paul left -- running into Jonathan on the driveway. Jonathan came in and we spent some more time - Barry adores him. And then it was time to head home -- with just the Special Needs Spaniel -- on the floor in front of Wifey.

As we neared our house, around 10:30, Judy called back -- and realized the late hour. I assured her her timing was perfect -- we were in the car from her grandkids' house. We had learned she had spoken at Beth Am, a synagogue near us, and gave her some business for not inviting us -- she said our consuegra Lizbeth was reluctant to "bother" us. We assured Judy we want to go next time with bells on, and she shared a tale she had told the Beth Am folks -- about the Mother Superior in the convent where she was secreted at a Catholic girl to avoid the Nazi camps -- and how that lady saved many Jews and is enshrined at Yad Vashem now as a righteous gentile...

So it was a terrific Thursday -- and the fun continues tonight -- meeting Kenny and Joelle in the Gables for the Ruths' Chris Happy Hour -- a deal Wifey and her friends discovered. They have a great steak sandwich before 6 for like $15 -- and we have some life celebration to do: for Kenny's Dad Manny, who passed last week.

We're also going to discuss a possible coastal Maine trip this Fall -- the inns fill up fast, and we need to reserve now -- Kenny and Joelle are there through October, and a coastal trip for them is like Key West for me -- a happy pleasure.

And speaking of brothers: we leave 3 weeks from tonight with Eric and Dana -- for Central Europe. We're all flying out of MIA, but they have a late flight -- they wanted to see their granddaughter's Pre-K graduation. Our boy graduates while we're away -- we'll have to  get by on videos of his singing some hip hop song including a reference to Applebee's he's been practicing...

Indeed these ARE the good old days...

Doctor Visit Time Machine

 So Wifey and I both had to visit our primary doc today -- she for a blood draw ahead of her annual "MDVIP" physical, and me so Nurse Nancy could do a cerumen-ectomy on me -- otherwise known as ear wax removal. Wifey and I laughed at what had become of romance: shared doctor visits. Is a couples' colonoscopy next?

Anyway, when  walked into the waiting room, I noticed a late 30s man sitting there, who had obviously suffered disfiguring injuries from an accident. Our eyes met, and I was struck with a deep sense of recognition -- I knew him from somewhere.

Sure enough, Karen, the office manager, announced to Nurse Nancy who was waiting to be seen, and said the young man's name. I said to him if he was in fact the person whose name I had heard -- he said yes. I told him I was his lawyer -- the one who met him and worked to settle his case well over 3 decades ago.

He was with an older lady, who was now married to his former case manager, who worked for our rehab expert. She had been his guardian, apparently, for many years. She knew who I was.

The young man looked far better than I may have expected -- I guess he's had a bunch of surgical repair work. He told me he finished high school and taught marine life lessons to kids at the special needs camp he attended as a child. My heart warmed.

I asked after his parents -- he was estranged from his Mom, which was probably a healthy thing -- she was no mother of the year. His Dad, a sweet guy, had died young, he said -- in his 40s.

Nurse Nancy told me he had been a patient a long time -- many people who get huge settlements and need a good deal of medical care, join the concierge practices. It made sense.

We finished our blood draw and ear cleanings and left for The Emporium for breakfast. I was really kind of knocked off kilter -- I last saw the young man when he was probably 6 or 7 -- three decades had passed, and he was doing pretty well. Money was zero issue -- I guess the guardianships our old firm set up for him worked as intended.

I didn't get to tell him that the lead lawyer on his case, Ed, had died last year. I don't think he knew, or cared to know, much about the mechanics of what we did for him legally. He just knew money wasn't an issue -- he never needed to work -- and that was a positive for him.

I'm back at the house now -- Wifey is out for another appointment -- trying to get her back and hips as pain free as possible before we leave -- 3 weeks from Friday.

A FaceBook (tm) memory popped up the other day. It was a photo of Dr. Eric and me at our college graduation in May of '83 -- we posed with our Moms, letting them wear our mortar boards. We were just kids -- a few months from moving in together at an apartment in Kendall -- he to start med school, and me to start law school. We were on student loans. We were happy but poor students.

Now, we're taking our brides on a luxury trip up the Danube -- Budapest to Prague. I have zero doubt that several times throughout the journey we will look back and toast the fact that we have followed the Joe Walsh lyric: "Life's been good to me...so far."

But man -- still shocked from earlier. My first huge case's client sitting in the same waiting room -- across more than 3 decades. Life can be kinda funny...

It Never Hurts To Ask

 My late boss Ed taught me so many lessons -- about law and life. As to the latter, he taught the concept of "you can't afford NOT to," when I would ask him about spending a lot of money on a great bottle of wine, or meal, or hotel. He was raised VERY working class in Brooklyn and Miami Beach, and achieved a very high level of success -- yachts and airplanes and a Lear Jet level of success. He NEVER passed up the opportunity to travel for a fishing or hunting trip, or Paris for Cordon Bleu cooking. He lived large, and when sometimes I doubt going first class, I hear his booming, slightly lisped voice.

He also taught us the concept of "it never hurts to ask" when negotiating. He would sometimes make what most thought absurd demands to settle cases, and because of his skill and force of will, the defense lawyers and carriers would pay! He was proud that I learned quickly -- he asked me to handle a "small case" for a friend of his wife DeeDee.

It was an older lady who traveled to Disney with her grandkids, and was knocked over by a young Mom pushing a stroller. The old lady ended up with a fractured elbow, but a simple fracture -- healed fine with no surgery -- I think her total medical bills were about $5K.

The stroller pusher was nice -- she hung around and gave the old lady her information -- turned out she had a $100K liability policy through her homeowner's coverage. Ed handed me the file and said "Have fun."

I interviewed the client. She had, other than the medical bills, ZERO economic damages. She was retired and lost no work time -- she said she even had very little pain -- hell, her arthritic knees bothered her more. Still, I sent a demand package to the out of state carrier, demanding they pay the policy ...or else! Or else...what? I would try the case and get, on an amazing day, $25K? But I guess the adjustor was afraid of the Dade County verdicts, and called me and said "David, I have 85 for you to get things started." I honestly was going to ask "Eighty five HUNDRED?" as that would have been a reasonable first offer. But I played tough, and said "No -- this is a policy case." He ended up asking for a "discount" off the policy and we settled for, I think, like $97.5K. Ed was proud -- it didn't hurt to ask, and I got a great result for the lady -- she was rich and nonplussed when I told her she was getting a big chunk of tax free money for her "little elbow crack." And I guess I paid to gas up Ed's plane and boat for a bit...

Ed's spirit was with me today when I spoke to the "advisor" who oversees my online brokerage. I had done this once before, a few years ago, and decided to try again: ask for a nice cash bonus for keeping my account with them, as opposed to switching to ETrade or Fidelity. Barry from JVille called me, and this time we spoke for awhile -- he was a Miami boy who went to FSU and stayed with his Minnesota wife from college in North Florida -- but his parents still live in Kendall. We talked all about the 305 -- he remains a staunch Fins fan "Who can truly LIKE the Jaguars?" and his South Dade childhood. He was just here for Passover, and took his family to Knauss Berry Farm for some of the last cinnamon buns of the season. I told him next time to take his kids to Frost Science and the Children's Museum -- as well as Pinecrest Gardens.

I told him maybe it was time to get paid again -- and he agreed! He has to speak to his bosses, but I expect tomorrow he will call and tell me that so long as I keep my accounts with the brokerage until next Spring, there'll be a nice credit to my account. I think a few years ago it was $3500 -- this time I asked for more.

And why not? They make nice money on the holdings I keep in my MMA there, for fear of investing more in the market in these volatile Trumpian times. So we'll see if Ed's advice gets me paid again.

On a more somber note, yesterday was my Mom's yahrzeit -- she died April 27, 2013 -- a dozen years gone by now. I savored a day with D1 and the boys at ZooMiami -- Sunny would have smiled down, I know.

Kenny is on his way back from Connecticut, following his Dad's passing. We have plans to go out with Joelle and him Friday, now that he has joined Wifey and me in the Orphan's Club. Joelle still has one surviving parent -- her Mom.

I guess it also never hurts to ask the Big Man for more time. I have a strong sense, thought, that He gives us just the correct number of days. I plan to toast our late parents Friday...

Gotta Keep That Energy Level

 So D1 and her bear cubs, as she calls them, came over yesterday afternoon. D1 is of the belief that activities must be provided constantly: Wifey and I don'r roll that way. We had coloring, and feeding the fish, and lots of in house hide and seek.

We decided on Chick Fil A for dinner, but even D1, not shy about spending for convenience, balked at the UberEats markup -- and so left to go fetch from our newly opened location. Meanwhile, our neighbor Jesus had invited me over for a cocktail, and so I took him up on it while D1 was out.

Wow. Amazing guy. He owns 3 crypto/AI companies, and I felt like I was talking to a Cuban born Malcolm Gladwell -- talking about a future where the currency of wealth will be knowledge instead of dollars. He opened a Spanish wine that a family check revealed cost over $500. We were having such great conversation, he tried to open a second -- I begged off. So instead he poured fingers and fingers of Johnny Walker Blue. I'm not much of a Scotch guy, but even if you're not a chocolate guy, you don't turn down a Sacher torte, as Wifey and Eric and Dana will learn next month on our trip. It was delightful.

I came home in time to tell Little Man bedtime tales of the Night Bird, a critter I contrived when the Ds were little, about a powerful bird who flies over the city at night, re-homing lost children, dogs, and cats. The Little Man had a LOT of commentary to go with my story telling, but about 9, he conked out -- as did D1 and Baby Man downstairs, and Wifey upstairs. I drifted off into my nice Blue induced sleep...

Little Man is maturing -- as promised -- he didn't wake me until first light. We made our trip to House of Bagels and got provisions for everyone. Around 10:30, we left for the Zoo, and pedaled around, meeting up with D1's lovely British friend and her 2 "Masterpiece Theater" casting daughters. "Mummy -- will we see the gorillas?"

We separated so the Brits could do the splash park, while we searched for the Harpy Eagle -- to no avail. But then we had lunch at the very nice restaurant there, and headed for home. Baby Man napped in the car with his Mom; Little Man built block castles and colored. I got to nap for 10 minutes, and awoke to take the Baby Man on a wagon ride around the 'hood.

They just left -- after 26 hours -- and it was delightful but really tiring. I don't know how grandparents tasked with full time parenting do it. I guess if you have to, you do, but man little kids are for the young -- I say this like a broken record -- a reference meaningless to young folks.

I keep thinking of my friends who had kids later, or whose kids are nowhere near producing grandkids. I hope the joint replacements and hormonal therapy do the trick -- I can't imagine being in my mid 70s and tasked with toddler sitting.

That said, they indeed grow so fast. The older boy, now 5.5, is a real kid, and not a constant threat to kill himself. The little guy is maturing, too, though remains very much a toddler.

So may we keep the strength to continue this grandparent gig. We sure do adore these boys...

The Honest Roofer

 So the roof at Villa Wifey is the original one, and the house was completed in 1997 -- so we're getting near the 3 decade mark. Though clay barrel tile roofs CAN last 50 years (in Europe some are nearly a century) turns out that if you get to 30 years, in our tropical climate -- you're doing pretty well.

Though the clay tiles look pretty and romantic, like the Italian Villa our house was copied from, they crack and move in storms. After Hurricane Wilma, I thought the roof only lost a few tiles, but it turned out every tile had been loosened. A few months later, a young fellow spent literally dawn to dusk refastening all of them -- and all's been well over the last 20 years.

Anyway, since it appears we WILL be staying here, I decided to get an estimate to re-roof. I want metal -- truly a lifetime roof , and wanted to learn options. They make metal roofs that look like barrel tile, but Kevin, the young roof maven, explained that those have issues -- the channels below the tiles tend to get blocked, causing leaks. Plus, the material, a stone coated metal, is much more expensive.

So Kevin said he'd go with standard metal, though doing so will technically change Villa Wifey from a Mediterranean style to "Island Style." And that's ok.

Kevin said the job would take 3 weeks, and then came the part I truly appreciated: he said that since the roof is still serviceable, I ought to wait until November -- post rainy season. He said if the roof was bad -- do it now -- but since it was still ok -- might as well wait.

I know the estimate is going to be between $100 and $200K -- wow -- most contractors would not be so have such forbearance. But Kevin reminded me that the Andrew Palmer who owns the company is actually Andrew III -- his grandfather started the company in 1920. They're honest and been around more than a century for a reason.

So next week I'll get the proposal, and some metal samples to pick a color. Then comes decision time. If indeed we're confident we're staying for at least 3 years or more -- we'll do the job. If not, we can hope the original roof holds up, and be prepared to offer a credit to a buyer. Great First World decision to have to make.

Meanwhile, D1 is do over later with her boys. We'll spend the afternoon and then they'll sleep over, so we can leave early tomorrow for Zoo Miami. She has another friend meeting us there. Wifey is opting out -- too early and too hot for her -- we'll see her after the adventure.

So this Grandpa gets to take his grandsons to the zoo. Pretty, pretty, pretty nice. It makes one happy to still be vertical in the world...

Another Orphan

 So last night I got the news from Joelle -- Kenny's Dad Manny had died, in Connecticut. He was 92. And that means Kenny has joined the sad group I have belonged to since 2013 -- being an orphan.

Of course, when we think of orphans it involves children who've lost their parents -- not those of us ourselves past 60, the "beginning of old age," as a sociologist calls us. But still, there's a sadness and shock that comes with losing a parent, even one who has lived such a long and full life.

I first met Manny when Kenny and I were in high school -- our group of nerdy smart guys would play epic ping pong tournaments in their downstairs rec room. Years later, we joked that Kenny was the product of a "mixed marriage." Both his Mom Toby and Dad were Ashkenazim, but his Mom was from Philly and his Dad from NYC. Toby passed last year -- they were living in Palm Beach County -- and after her death, Manny wanted to move back North. He did, to Connecticut where his youngest boy David lives. Larry, the middle son, lives outside of Philly -- Kenny and Joelle are true snowbirds now -- Miami most of the year, and Maine when Miami's weather grows oppressive.

Manny was a long time music teacher and musician. Years later, when he visited, we learned that one of the schools he taught was the high school Wifey attended -- South Shore in Canarsie -- before her parents plucked her out middle of sophomore year to come to Miami. That night, Manny played our piano -- it was lovely. I hadn't seen him in a long while, but kept tabs -- Eric was his doctor when he lived in Boynton Beach. Manny got the death of a king, as Kenny and I discussed last night -- he passed at home -- away from the hospital and doctors he didn't wish to be around.

I measure a man like Sidney Poitier did -- how he takes care of a family -- and BOY did Manny measure up. His three sons all soared -- two medical stars -- cardiologist and peds radiologist -- and a successful businessman. There were grandkids who adored him, and a full life to the end -- he'd play piano for his neighbors at his ALF most nights -- bringing happiness into his 90s.

And Wifey and I sat and reflected -- how few of our friends' parents survive. Barry's Mom and Dana's Dad are with us. Loni's Mom, recently widowed. Joelle's Mom is doing well up in Broward. And Norman's Dad is the Dean -- 97 and still attending UM games.

Kenny and I were reminiscing about how age measures totally from where you are. Manny had a major heart procedure when he was in his 50s. Obviously if the surgeon is still around, he deserves props. But Kenny, at the time probably 22, remembered thinking "Well, my Dad IS an old man -- they get heart procedures." He was probably a decade and a half younger than Kenny is now. Likewise, my Dad died -- the worst event of my life. But I also thought: "Well --- he IS an old man." He was 63 -- I just passed his lifespan last Labor Day, and though I sure don't feel like a young fellow, I don't feel anywhere near the end.

Paul and I actually had a long business lunch yesterday -- on Brickell -- with an old lawyer friend who resolved a case of a client referred to him from someone we met years ago. We ended up sitting in a Peruvian restaurant for hours -- discussing our lives. We realized all of us, though lucky in so many ways, have plenty of tsuris, Yiddish for  existential heartburn -- with spouses, kids, grandkids, friends -- you name it. 

But we also have had, and continue to have, events that are exquisite. Even eating ceviche with 2 fine men, comparing our life's journeys, was exquisite.

Wednesday, Barry contacted me -- was I free that afternoon? I was, and looking to get out of the house while Wifey hosted her weekly mah jong game. Well, he was going to an event he wished to avoid, but knew I would like -- the UM Provost's Faculty awards -- sort of UM's annual Oscars. He was up for a clinical teaching award. Donna came, and Barry's best work friend Patti -- one of the best humans I ever met.

Turned out to be quite an affair -- probably 400 people, catered, wine and beer, in one of the new expo centers they have in the "Lakeside Village" of residential colleges they built to replace the barracks and prison-like dorms of our day. UM is now near $100K per year -- nepo babies, as D1 calls them, can hardly be expected to rough it like we did.

Anyway, in Barry's group, some cancer doc won -- I recalled the great politically incorrect line from "Tropic Thunder" that "you can't win an Oscar if you go full retard" and changed it to "You never beat the cancer guy." It was still a delightful night, capped off with a late dinner at Captain's Tavern with Barry and Donna -- we shut the place down at 930! And we got to discuss how much our kids are the focus of our lives -- and how sometimes it seems they're trying to kill us with some of their life's decisions -- but we endure and love them unconditionally nonetheless.

Before dinner, though, I had noticed at the next table 3 professors from my undergrad days -- actually 2 -- one came later. I introduced Dan Pals to Patti -- and he was effusive about me -- I was "the finest and most memorable Religious Studies student ever," and Dan has been at UM 45 of its hundred years. In fact, I guess I was one of the few who gave money to the Department, and got to teach 2 classes with my dear friend Steve Sapp, now retired. Dan won his award, and I texted a photo to Steve, who responded from his airplane over the Atlantic -- on his way to Europe. It was lovely.

And the former English Chair was there, a double Harvard man, likely closeted, who spoke like Charles Emerson Winchester on "Mash," much to Barry's delight. I told him I often quote the Browning he taught me when Wifey is disappointed about something: "If our reach does not exceed our grasp...then what are the Heavens for?" I think he dug that...

Point is -- exquisite night -- with friends so dear, and I got to live out my academic groupie fantasy. I need to do more of that.

Kenny is heading up to Connecticut today to spend the weekend with his brothers doing some of the business that follows the loss of a parent. He returns Sunday.

We WILL go out next week, and celebrate his Dad. Manny's memory will be a blessing.

That ESPN Percentage Bar Keeps Shifting

 One of the new(er) features you see on sportscasts is the percentage of each team winning, based on what's going on in the game. During the Duke-Houston Final Four semi-final, I think at one point Duke had like am 80 something percent chance, and then went on an epic collapse -- Houston won. But it's fun to watch the feature and see how often it's accurate.

And so it is with whether Wifey and I choose to flee Villa Wifey or not. A few weeks ago, the meter was favoring the relocation to Miami Shores, for a series of reasons. But then D2 and Jonathan checked out a few houses we thought might be suitable, and they were not. Part of it is the absurd cost -- we can afford most houses NOT on the water in the Shores, in part of the 'hood we like -- East of Biscayne Blvd -- but the thought of paying $2.5M for a smallish place on 1/4 acre is just a bit much for us now.

One place looked great -- beautifully renovated, 3 houses from the Bay, so probably with those "breeeeeezes" Wifey wants, but Wifey realized it had no garage and no real family room -- just walk into the living area, which was the case of SO many mid century houses that weren't custom built. So she canceled even visiting that place for today.

I still plan to meet tonight with Tony, my friends Mike and Loni's consuegro, as he seems to be the most experienced realtor in the area, and certainly made a mint doing it. He's stopping by to give me his input about what Villa Wifey might truly sell for, as I trust Zillow and Redfin and Movoto not much at all -- they essentially take your house's square footage and do simple arithmetic based on typical price per square foot comparables. 

I know Tony would want this listing, and he'll likely inflate what would be the asking price, but I always like to gather as much data as I can before making a decision.

Wifey and I are truly on the same page about this. We weren't, for a long time -- she wanted OUT -- needing some CHANGE from her SUBURBAN lifestyle, and also wanting to be closer to the Ds. I was steadfastly opposed. 

Now, she recognizes that since we're in no rush, a downsized place needs to really blow her skirt up, or she'd just as soon stay put. And my stead is no longer as fast...

Last night we met Kenny and Joelle and several more of their friends at the Cocowalk theater to see "Sinners." It had great Blues music, which I love, but ended up being a vampire movie, which I don't. I could have done with waiting for it to be on Netflix -- but it was nice to go to the luxury theater, where it felt like we were in Business Class flying across the Atlantic.

After the movie, Wifey and I went to validate our parking ticket, and the rest of the group walked off -- they all live in the Grove walking distance from Cocowalk, and were going to enjoy a nice constitutional back to their places. That's nice, but I really want to live in a house -- you can take the boy out of the suburbs, but I guess this boy wants to suburbs to stay with him.

So we'll see -- if Tony surprises me with a REALLY yuuuuuge number -- well -- as Paul and I always said about our law firm, even at its height of success -- EVERYTHING is for sale in a capitalist world. I suspect that won't be the case...and I have to give Uncle Sam 20% of any gain I make, anyway, after a $500K credit. Uncle Sam always gets paid, even when the Republicans are fully in power, it seems.

Last Sunday, D1 brought the boys here, and we DID have an awesome time. Villa Wifey is a magical house. She plans to spend more and more time here with them on weekends, truly using this as their "country house," and we welcome that. 

So for now the bar is moved...time will tell if the upset gets pulled.

Central Europe

 My grandparents, tired of the pogroms and persecution of Jews in "Russia," as we were told it was called, decided to bounce. My Dad's parents left Czernovitz, then part of Romania, and my maternal grandparents left their bialys in Bialystok, then, I guess Russia, now Poland. They arrived early in the 1900s, and never looked back, though the dark joke "A pogrom is a pogrom" remained one of my Dad's favorites.

My parents had ZERO desire to visit "the old country." Their only dream, as proud Zionists, was to see Israel, which they did in 1969, taking me along. Truth is, my 8 year old self cared far more about Apollo astronauts and the NY Mets, but it WAS my first airplane trip, and I still have memories of our 3 weeks in Israel. I would go back a second time years later, with Wifey and the Ds, after both Ds had been on Birthright.

Wifey was born in Israel, to Holocaust Survivor parents originally from Poland. Her Dad was a big city boy - from Lodz -- and her Mom from the much smaller Sosnoviecz. They enjoyed lovely, loving childhoods until things went South under the Nazis, but their youth and strength to the Nazis as slave laborers allowed them to survive, and emigrate after time in the same DP camp, in Feldafing, Germany, to the Promised Land.

I would have thought they would have never wished to set foot in Poland again, but I was wrong. Wifey took both of them back, to see their childhood homes, and my mother in law so fetishized her youth, she had Wifey bring her back a second time -- looking to recapture, I guess, all she had lost as a young girl coming of age.

My father in law LOVED Israel, though he saw more opportunities for his family here in the US, and so emigrated here in 1960. My mother in law was never a fan. She had difficulty conceiving for years, and then finally got pregnant, but had a stillborn boy. My suegro's family was kind of mean to her, too, and she just never bonded with Israel. Years later, when D2 was showing a montage of her trip on Birthright, to the tune of Hatikva, my father in law watched tearfully and my mother in law clucked her tongue and walked away. It truly is a miracle Wifey isn't more screwed up from these loving yet heavily damaged parents. But I digress...

So in a bit more than a month, Wifey and I, along with Eric and Dana, are going back to that part of Europe -- in high style, on a luxury Danube River tour. I took essentially the same trip with the Ds back in 2007, when Wifey was homebound on account of a bad back, and got to see Passau to Budapest. But Wifey never did, and Eric and Dana haven't been there, so Wifey contrived a way to get me to travel again -- setting up a trip with my dear friends.

Of course, when we're in Hungary, Austria, Slovakia, and the Czech Republic, we'll be bordering the places where all the really bad happened -- Poland and Germany. Hey -- it was 80 years ago, right? You gotta move on -- from cattle cars towards concentration camps to luxury boats to Michelin restaurants.

With all the Trump craziness, hopefully we all make it back ok -- especially Wifey, whose passport shows she isn't a native born American like Eric, Dana, and me. I guess worst case scenario they'll ship her back to Israel, and we'll get a condo there -- Haifa is indeed my favorite city -- and move on with life.

I really wish the thought of travel excited me. We were out Saturday with Joelle and Kenny -- they LOVE it. They visit Europe more frequently than I go to Key West, and are planning a big trip to Vietnam and Cambodia for next Summer -- with great excitement.

The only Asian country I have any interest in seeing is Japan, and I got to live that through D1 -- on her honeymoon. I now stock Japanese whisky -- classic Japan -- took something some other nations came up with and made it better -- like cars and electronics.

But for now, Big Man willing, Central Europe awaits. I look forward to reprising something I did for the Ds on our Danube trip. On a grassy bluff in Austria near where the ship blocked, I put "The Sound of Music" on my phone and the 2 of them danced like Julie Andrews in that classic beginning to the movie -- actually the first movie I recall seeing. Dana and Wifey can enjoy that moment...

Time To Fly North of Flagler Street?

 I never loved a place I lived nearly so much as Villa Wifey. We bought it in December of 2000, and moved in early February of 2001. We had our first Valentine's Day on the front loggia, as I learned they were called -- brought in DiNapoli and ate at a table the Ds and Wifey set up, while romantic music played on a boom box --this was long before Sonos played through the outside speakers.

I felt like Jay Gatsby with a family -- the firm had done very well, and at 39 I bought a 7 figure house on an acre in Pinecrest, the newly incorporated Village which was already making the "Best suburbs in Florida" lists. I looked at my family, and the koi pond with the stone bridge behind them, and felt amazing.

I used to joke that each morning, when I walked near the front gates to fetch my Herald, in my mind I heard "Hey kid -- get the hell out of there!" Part of me, a blue collar Jew from Levittown, as my friend Joel correctly described me, had no business living in some rich guy's house.

And then a quarter century, or nearly, flew by, with parties, and simchot, and sheltering from Hurricanes Katrina and Wilma and Irma. Wilma was the best memory -- the house was largely unscathed, but we knew the power would be out for weeks. Wifey took the Ds to Atlanta, and across the street friend Susan took her kids to Orlando, and Pat and I lived like cave men -- well -- after we'd return from dinner at his Riviera CC, or Fox's -- we'd sit on either of our porches drinking vodka or Middleton whiskey and then sleeping in the blissfully cool late October night air.

And I love my 'hood -- 82 houses on half or full acres, each unique, under a tropical tree canopy. Wifey and I were on the volunteer HOA for years, and it provided more humor than tensosity, with only the occasional asshole, and mostly fine folks -- all well off, of course, but doctors, and lawyers and antique map painters and school administrators, and crypto machers...

The Ds had amazing childhoods here -- D1 was in Middle School, and after some rough bullying times which she reported were not really that rough for her as she suffered from a surplus of self esteem, she ended up making lifelong friends at Palmetto High. D2 transitioned from some party girls friend to serious students, and ended up graduating VERY high up in her Class of '10, cruising into UF and UF grad school, and never getting anything other than As, though she disputes this. But there IS a Phi Beta Kappa certificate hanging in my office -- and she was admitted as a junior -- a rare feat.

There were illnesses and health scares -- the worst being Wifey's stroke in January of '21, at the height of the Plague, when I thought Covid would take her at the hospital or Rehab Center at UM/JMH and fortunately she emerged.

We grieved the loss of my mother, and Wifey's parents -- all well into their 90s. I recall leaving the house early on the am of April 27, 2013, and stopping for gas next to Miami Jewish Home, having missed Sunny's passing by about 20 minutes. Years later my suegro Richard would die there, too, and it turned into a comical mix up, as Wifey confused the name of his cemetery -- in fairness, they all skip around from Gordon to Riverside to Mt. Nebo -- and Richard got TWO final hearse rides -- until he made it to the correct place.

I saw the irony in that -- he always WAS terrible at directions.

And the last goodbye -- I left Wifey with her beloved mother. We knew the end was near, and F-ing Vitas Hospice was short staffed -- the nurse walked out and sadly said there would be no replacement! I tried "escalating" with their weekend staff -- telling them they were hired for the final baseball game and it was now bottom of the ninth --PLEASE -- send someone, as the regular Palace nurse didn't have power to offer the final morphine once Vitas had taken over!

I went home and called Mt. Nebo -- this time I wanted to make sure we got it right -- and while I was on the phone with the night person, Wifey called -- her dear mother had passed while Wifey was holding her hands -- and Vitas DID send out a minister with the ability to sign the death certificate -- nice guy -- asked if we would pray with him to Jesus -- we explained we were Jewish -- could he pray alone? Sure. And then Rachel was taken away, and Wifey and I returned...to Villa Wifey.

Years later we hosted the Bris of our second grandson. Our house was truly our home for the circles of lives...

And so I always steadfastly refused to consider leaving. The Ds love visiting from Shorecrest and Miami Shores -- D1 says her boys love their "Country house" where they feed the koi, cichlids, and turtles, and take peafowl walks, and Tio Jonfin (Jonathan) is tall enough to pull mangoes off trees in the Spring.

But I'm finally at least no longer steadfast. Part of it is the main bad quality of life issue of Miami: traffic. Pinecrest to The Shores was always 30 minutes. No big whoop. But lately, even during non rush hour, it runs to an hour or more. Last week, I DID make it from D2's home, around 8 pm, in 35 minutes. It was so pleasantly unusual.

And as more and more cram into this city I love -- best described by Iggy Pop as a "beautiful whore of a city," the traffic will only worsen. And since the main focus of our life is the grandsons, and hopefully more grandkids to come -- maybe we OUGHT to be closer.

Plus, I walk. Love it -- put on at least 3 miles per day -- sometimes 5. And in the Shores, if you go to the end of 96th Street, there are benches on Biscayne Bay with gorgeous breezes and views. Less foliage than Devonwood, but the place of true beauty. I guess I'd change the Fagan lyric to "Biscayne Bay, where the older gentleman sits all day..."

D2 and Jonathan are casually looking for us -- they stopped by an open house yesterday -- 50s era house, already renovated -- 10 blocks south of them and probably 3 minutes to D1 and the boys -- and liked it. Wifey will go see it on Tuesday. They're asking $2.25M -- double what I paid for Villa Wifey in 2000, but probably 2/3 or less what Villa Wifey will sell for.

I'm meeting with Mike's consuegro Tony Tuesday, a top local realtor who I really trust, to get a realistic view of what Villa Wifey would reasonably sell for. Luckily, we have "Save Our Homes" which gives "portability" of real estate tax savings, so downsizing won't double our taxes -- just increase them somewhat. Then again, Gov. Ron is talking about doing away with ALL real estate taxes -- so who knows. Ah, the state of our government...

So -- nothing happening yet, but as Kenny and Joelle noted last night when we went to Black Point for a great dinner, the fact that I'm no longer a hard "No" about moving  is a major life change. We talked about the need to also have a one story house as we creep into those golden years -- their condo in the Grove is one level, but their house in Maine is not -- but they DID put a bedroom on the main floor -- just in case...

Kenny said "You'll be moved in 6 months." We'll see.

But it is funny that I have lived in Dade, now Miami Dade County for 46 years -- ALWAYS south of Flagler Street. UM dorm and apartment, Kendall apartment with Eric and then Wifey, first house on Galloway and 125th Terrace, second house on 107 Ave and 136 Terrace, and finally Villa Wifey --essentially 4 miles East of house #2. We DID own a condo on Miami Beach that was North of Flagler -- but never lived there -- I think the longest stay was 5 nights.

So we'll see. But at least there is a new option on the table...

Sad Obit Dave

 So my friends on the Canes chat have nicknamed me "Obituary Dave," as I am typically the first to post a death notice -- though Norman has been scooping me quite a bit, lately. But last night I shared one that had none of the typical snark of "Look a (lawyer) or (doctor) near our age, who had all these later life plans, who dropped of (MI, Cancer, Crash of some type). No, last night I shared the Herald obit of my old friend John DeLeon.

I met John at UM -- we shared a close friend named Peter. At the Honors Convocation, in, I think, April of 1983, I sat next to John -- he was the Outstanding Philosophy Department graduating senior, and I won the English award. Eric was the top Chemistry guy -- I don't recall any others.

John was headed to Georgetown Law, along with Peter and another Class of '83 grad, a Jewban named, I think, Miriam. All three did well -- Miriam met and married the son of a very famous man, Cesar Chavez, the "MLK of Mexicans." Fernando decided years later to capitalize on his family name, and started a series of law firms, the Miami one including John. John and I reconnected when he referred some of the cases to Paul and me.

Paul and I thought this would become THE source of business for us -- it never truly did -- though Paul and I traveled to San Jose, California to personally ask Fernando for more cases. I guess he never much liked our chemicals, to borrow my late suegra's malaprop, and though we handled several matters together, there weren't many.

Still, I kept in touch with John, who was really a criminal defense guy and also president of the ACLU. He would often call me for advice in handling civil matters, and I was generous with my time.

I think everyone around John knew he was gay, but he never came out until much later in life. He was Catholic and Cuban -- I wonder whether his family's displeasure with his orientation was a part in that, or he was just VERY private with his personal life.

In any event, several years ago, per Peter, he DID marry a boyfriend, who is now his widower.

I last saw John pre Covid, and noticed he was slurring his speech. Peter said it was advancing Parkinson's Disease. A few months ago, at Dana's 60th birthday, I asked after John. Peter said he was in very bad shape -- bedridden. And so when I read about him today, I wasn't shocked.

John handled a lot of high profile ACLU cases, under the mentorship of Howard Simon, an old school, Miami Beach, Jewish Liberal. I read a few years ago Howard had come out of retirement to become President again, on an interim basis. He was quoted today in John's obit about how John taught him the "Byzantine nature of Miami Cuban politics."

John and his husband had a house up in Maine, on a river. I recall last time we spoke, he told me how much he loved spending Summers there, away from the brutal Miami heat. I hope he got time there before he passed. 

In any event, RIP John. We sat together on stage at UM's Gusman Theater 42 years ago. We've both been blessed with full lives -- yours more public service than mine. May your memory be a blessing.

The Wisdom of My Old Boss Ed Ratiner

 My friends on the Canes chat, which keeps getting different titles, call me "Obituary Dave," since I'm usually the one who reports a death, though Norman and others have taken up the sport of scooping me on famous deaths. They now also call me "Tragedy Dave," as I typically report awful things that befall folks we may relate to. Give me a wreck involving a doctor or lawyer --totally my whistling past the graveyard wheelhouse.

So yesterday the news reported a doozy: a neurosurgeon named Michael Groff was piloting his high performance private prop jet, and crashed it near an upstate NY airport, killing his wife, a urologist, and 2 of his kids and their partners. The kids were MIT and Swarthmore grads, all young superstars either in med school, private equity, or, in the case of one son, a paralegal. That son's girlfriend was to start Harvard Law this Fall.

Awful -- 6 people who, in the words of the Dad of one of the boyfriends, had a LOT to offer the world had they survived.

For me, it recalled the sage words of my old boss Ed, an aviation expert who knew how to fly but never got his license. He always say second seat, but let the pros do the sky driving. I asked him once why.

He answered that a cliche in aviation accidents was the doctor who got a pilot's license, and bought himself a Beechcraft Bonanza. Since the doc's mind was probably on his patients, he'd fly the thing into a dangerous storm, the tail would separate, and tragedy would result.

Same for lawyers. Ed was ALWAYS thinking about his cases -- how to advance them, how to out maneuver his opponents. He said there was no way he had the laser sharp focus a pilot needed to safely operate a machine flying near the speed of sound, where a mistake could kill lots of people.

I googled the plane Dr. Groff owned -- a Mitsubishi prop jet infamous for being relatively cheap but tough to fly, particularly during difficult approaches. I don't know the facts, but it sure looks like that as experienced the neurosurgeon was, he lacked the experience to safely land his plane after things got chippy.

I came to greatly dislike flying in Ed's private planes after 2 incidents in his King Air -- like Dr. Groff's plane, a high performance prop jet. Once, Ed's pilot and friend Bill was flying me to a depo -- I sat in the co-pilot's seat. Right before we reached V-1 -- takeoff speed, Bill shut the engines off saying "Ah hell no." I was scared but silent -- when we got back to the FBO, he explained that the doodad the coordinated the two props' spinning was off -- had we taken off we might have immediately flipped over. I made my way to the commuter terminal at MIA and flew commercial to my depo.

The second time was much more hairy. Ed was in the jump seat, and Bill was flying said King Air. As soon as the plane took off, it kept wanting to only turn left. Ed and Bill struggled to keep the thing flying, and after all left turns, struggled to get the thing back on the ground. I was suffused with a strange sense of calm --  I KNEW I was about to die -- and wondered -- where would they find my body?

ATC cleared the runways, we landed, and pulled to the side. Bill looked at the controls. "Oh man -- just the rudder trip tab left in the far left position. Dumbass mechanic -- you're supposed to center it!" We took off again for Tampa, and hours later, in the depo, my hands began to shake. Later, we celebrated at Bern's with great steaks and the most expensive bottle of wine I ever had -- this was 1992 and I think it cost $500.

No one believed my tale of near death, until years later -- probably 2003. Paul and I hosted a party for Ed at my house, and Bill was there, and he said in fact that over his long aviation career, that was the closest he came to death -- and he was in a float plane crash which left him partially paralyzed!

Meanwhile, close to home, last night we enjoyed a banner second night of Passover. Wifey and Bo the Special Needs Spaniel arrived, and Jonathan poured us a couple of Stoli Elit martinis. I had a second. D1 and her skittish Spaniel and 2 beautiful boys arrived, and we feasted on Hometown BBQ brisket, chicken, and turkey breast, and some kosher desserts Wifey had fetched earlier from Whole Foods. We joked why it was called Whole Paycheck -- a small box of pastries was $25.

We talked of Passover, but Wifey got a great idea -- we put on the Rug Rats Passover show, which the Ds used to love, and the boys watched, transfixed -- even the 2.5 year old. So the story got told, we had a great night -- P2 was a success!

But my thoughts are with those 6 superstars who left us -- on the way to THEIR family seder somewhere in the Catskills.

And it reminded me -- I plan to NEVER fly with someone who isn't a full time pilot. If Ed is looking down, he's shaking his head.

Happy 105, Sunny

 Today would have been my Mom Sunny's 105th birthday -- or would it have???!!! She always told us April 13, 1920 was her birthday, but in her later years, when I had to check her into doctor's appointments and used her Medicare card, the day was different -- maybe the 14th or 15th? When Wifey and I asked her about this, she dismissively said "Oh well, you know, 13 was always my favorite number!"

And that was that. Mom was a fierce Democrat, but would have fit in well with the Trump era way of creating new facts when the real ones don't suit you. Actually, she would have LOATHED Trump...

My Mom was a loving one, and one of a kind. Unlike my Dad, who absorbed all of his family's anxieties and let them affect him -- Sunny did not. She dealt with what she had to, beginning with having a "crippled child" when my sister was diagnosed with a missing hip socket in the early 50s, and the loss of her husband of nearly 40 years, in 1982.

She would always ask how we were, and I was never really sure if she heard anything negative. But she kvelled about her kids and grandkids. I remember well calling her in 1992 and telling her how much money I had made on a case -- more than she or my Dad could have ever imagined -- a check multiples of their net worth. She said "Oh that's nice, sweetie -- need anything for the girls?"

Again -- that was that. She had no thought of sharing in my winnings, so to speak. Just everyone around her: be happy.

I guess I first realized this coping mechanism when I came home from UM senior year -- my first visit after leaving her alone following Dad's death. I woke up early, and looked for the newspaper -- my parents' always had a morning paper -- first the Herald and later, Sun -Sentinel. It wasn't outside the door. I asked Mom.

"Oh -- I stopped it. It's all bad news -- who needs to read that? I no longer watch TV news, either -- too depressing. I stick to animal shows and cooking shows."

Later on, when she met a man who was in her life, Max, she also watched, improbably, NBA basketball. Max was from Detroit and a big Pistons fan, but  had converted to the Heat in South Florida. And he got my Mom into it, too. She went from the classic Mom who knew nothing about sports to saying stuff like "Oh David, that Alonzo Mourning is something!" Even in her 80s, life had surprises.

When she turned 80, in April of 2000, I decided to make a big deal of it. Our firm was in the chips, and I flew our family, plus my Boynton Beach sister, to SF to celebrate. The Ds were 8 and 11. My California sister and her 2 sons met us in SF, and we had a lovely visit -- drives to Berkely and Wine Country, and visits to Alcatraz. Sunny was still mobile, but needed help with the steep SF hills -- lots of laughter accompanied her grandkids' helping push her up those elevations.

At 85, we decided to give it another go, but this time without my Florida sister, and we all met in LA. Wifey found us a cool hotel in Hollywood where the magicians used to stay, and we visited Pasadena, where Mom and Dad married and began their life, and indeed the life of our family.

But at a visit to my friends' house in the Hollywood Hills, Sunny took a scary spill. She was ok, but she realized then her traveling days, at least involving airplanes, were over.

A few weeks ago I had lunch and a lovely long walk around the UM campus with Mirta, my sister of another mister. She always reminds me how Sunny had a huge impact on her -- the final 11 months of Sunny's life, when she was at Miami Jewish Home. Mirta visited her often, and Sunny's words and disposition amazed her -- here she was in The Big Man's Waiting Room, and she savored every small pleasure -- the feel of the sun on her arms, the delicious ice cream sandwiches from the vending machine in the lovely gazebo they had.

We celebrated Sunny's final earthly birthday April 13, 2013. She was, or nearly was depending on the calendar mix, 93. Mirta recalled the day well -- she got her dressed and met us at a social hall at the Home. We had cake and soda, and 2/3 of her kids were there, and all Florida grandkids except one, but his ex-wife attended with Sunny's 2 great grandchildren. Her Tampa great grandkids were there as well.

Sunny lifted her cup and exclaimed "Happy New Year!" She was still happy but confused. She would die 2 weeks later.

But she lives on in our hearts and memories. Several months ago, I learned that Hannah, one of Sunny's great grandkids and now a scientist living in NC, always keeps a picture of her displayed in her home. That warmed me.

So I hope your soul is resting, Mom. Maybe even, in ways we don't understand, reunited with the soul of my Dad, and your beloved brother, parents, and sisters. Who knows?

I just know I was a lucky son, indeed, and am thinking of my beloved Mom today.

And So This Is Pesach...And What Have You Done?

 Tonight is the first night of the week long holiday of Passover, and Wifey and I are sitting out our usual attendance at the seder, or Pesach dinner. This is frowned upon, to the point that a Jew learning that a fellow tribesman having no place to seder (I made it a verb) MUST invite said Jew to her home.

And that has happened, even though Wifey and I have several invites: our daughters' in laws, Rabbi Yossi's Community seder, and other dear friends. But we're instead opting for dinner tomorrow at D2 and Jonathan's -- probably around 6. D1 will bring our grandsons, and we'll bring in food and maybe Jonathan and I will have a Passover L'chaim.

Speaking of Jonathan -- that's also the name of my trainer who has become a young friend. He and I came out to each other last Thursday: Passover is both of our LEAST favorite holiday -- we don't really like the food, or having to sit for hours re-telling the story we all know SO well and was best told, anyway, by Cecil B DeMille in "The 10 Commandments." I mean, who can hear the name Moses and not think of Charleton Heston?

I don't recall my parents holding actual seders when I was a kid. There WERE Passover dinners -- I remember lots of Manishevitz wine, and matzoh -- but that was really it.

The first real seder I attended was in Spring of 1980 -- Eric's family invited me. I was there with his dear parents Norma and Marvin, long gone, and his sister Elissa, who was still at Killian High. I felt silly not knowing the songs, except for "Dayenu," which I must have picked up by osmosis somehow. I also recall being a klutz and breaking a dish that was, as I recall in embarrassment, a family heirloom of sorts. They forgave me.

After I met Wifey, seders were at her parents' house -- typically a few non Jewish friends would be invited to enjoy my late suegra Rachel's delicious Ashkenazi soul food. My late mother Sunny LOVED the whitefish Rachel would prepare -- she would go home with jars of it -- later on to the horror of my sister Trudy, who has driven down from Boynton Beach, and was convinced the jars would open and turn her minivan into a fish smelling vehicle.

The story is, or course, crucial to our people -- how we were emancipated from slavery. These days, since the vast majority of us are NOT slaves, we seek metaphorical meaning -- we must emancipate ourselves from the slavery of our own demons, our own anxieties. Rabbi Bob Marley, who had a LOT of Old Testament imagery in his songs said "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery...none but ourselves can free our minds..."

And such is Pesach 2025 for us. I look forward to Little Man's excited telling me about HIS seder tonight, and of course being with the family.

Maybe next year at the Seder Table!