My father DETESTED the funeral industry. He read exposes about how they preyed upon people at their most vulnerable, upselling them when they couldn't afford it. He was also a proud Jew, but rebelled against the "hocus pocus" part of it, as he said, and put his body where his mouth was: he prearranged cremation instead of a funeral, lest those "bastards rip him off." My mother followed suit, reminding us often in the later years that "I prepaid the Neptune Society -- don't let them charge!"
My in laws, in contrast, felt strongly about a traditional Jewish funeral, and back in '04 Wifey found them 2 gravesites in Mt. Nebo in Kendall, "slightly used," I joked, but actually second market -- sold by a family who had moved away from Miami and no longer wanted them. My in laws also proudly paid for all funeral expenses -- on a monthly plan, and all was set. Or was it?
Monday am, I got a call from the friendly Director at Mt. Nebo, who said that while he had record of the prepaid gravesites, he found nothing about the funeral services -- stuff like the casket, rides around town, etc...Wifey is NOT the best keeper of records, but she had the contracts, and I took photos of her mother's and emailed it.
"Oh yes - there it is! Your in laws bought their plans during the merger of companies, and that's why they slipped through the system! We're all good to go."
It occurred to me that it made no sense that the gravesite contracts were in their records, but not the funeral service. So -- was it really a harmless mistake, and an attempt to have us pay probably $6K improperly, or was it nefarious? I know what my Dad would have said. Bottom line was, the only charge was for copies of the death certificates -- no big whoop.
In any event, Hashem and Delta cooperated, and Rabbi Yossi made it back in plenty of time. Wonderful Nechama, his amazing wife, came as well, and though Wifey had asked for just immediate family, Joey's parents asked if they could come to honor Rachel -- and Cipora said of course.
It was blessedly overcast at the gravesite. It started to rain, but stopped before the shoveling of soil -- so the weather more than cooperated.
Yossi read the prayers, and asked us to speak. I simply couldn't resist one mother in law joke, a true one: as I stood about to talk about Rachel, it occurred to me it was the first time in nearly 4 decades that I could speak without her interrupting me. But then I thanked her -- for the gift of my life partner, who in turn gave me the greatest gifts of the Ds, and their husbands, and the amazing grandson.
And I shared something I never had before. My life is largely the soul/blues song "When Something is wrong with my baby...something is wrong with me." And even when I suffer with Wifey and the Ds through their darkest times -- whether sadness or physical ailments -- I always take comfort knowing they come from true Survivor stock -- and will somehow emerge from their crises. That has always brought me comfort.
Wifey spoke about how she always felt loved fiercely by her mother, and how Rachel's optimism about life got her through the immeasurable tragedies of her younger days.
The Ds spoke of happy memories, and also feeling immensely loved, and how their Sabta was a role model of love and strength.
This was no background woman -- she always let you know her feelings and thoughts, sometimes to comical effect.
After some more prayers, we set about the actual work of a "Full burial," the orthodox tradition of having the family cover the casket with the soil before the rest of the hole is filled. Ricardo, Jonathan, Joey and I did the work -- again -- in blessedly mild conditions. And then we said our goodbyes.
Rabbi and Nechama left to go back to their works -- they're in the midst of building a new Friendship Circle and shul -- to serve hundreds of special needs kids.
My consuegros left to fetch the Little Man from camp -- and the Ds and their men came back to the house. I poured martinis and we toasted Rachel over lunch from Roasters. Afterwards, Wifey retired to the couch for a nap, and the kids left. I followed with a vodka flavored nap.
So a true matriarch of our family now resting peacefully next to her husband of nearly 70 years. She died with the love and respect of her family -- and they thank her for all she meant to them, and lessons taught.
Brava, Rachel. A life early tragic, and later resurrected to one of true meaning. I guess I'll even miss being interrupted...
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