Unsavory Sandwich

So we Baby Boomers (Wifey is a Sophomore, and I'm a freshman, according to the great classifications of P.J. O'Rourke) are often also called the sandwich generation. We're still involved in raising our kids, but also are responsible for our aging "Greatest Generation" parents. It's daunting. I had primary responsibility for my mother, who tried to remain fiercely independent. She mostly did, at least until she was 89, when she became a major burden. I used to dread seeing her number on my phone -- it usually meant a 3 hour unscheduled round trip to Delray... And even after she went into the nursing home, closer to my house, there was the never ending paper work, and meetings with the staff, and dealing with the doctors and hospital workers... Mom died last April, at 93. But the fun was just beginning for Wifey, an only child whose parents are now in the full blown, totally needy phase... Complicating things is that my mother in law, a Holocaust Survivor, uses guilt as a weapon more adeptly than any character drawn up by the pantheon of Jewish writers...No matter what Wifey does, it's NOT enough...and Wifey is never enough of a friend to her... My mother in law refuses to move closer to her husband, and visits him once or twice a week, via drivers Wifey finds for her. She also calls him several times per day, which requires that my father in law have good phone service. The cell phone was fraught with problems -- my father in law would forget to charge it, or the settings got changed and wouldn't work. So Wifey decided she would have an old fashioned land line put in his room. Simple. Problem solved. Ha! As if! Wifey fought several battles with ATT and the nursing home staff. After literally hours spent on this project -- a line was finally put in. Wifey fetched an old handset from her mother's condo, and they were in business. Done. Not so fast! My father in law complained yesterday about clutter on his night stand, and so my mother in law removed the phone. Of course, she then went home and complained to Wifey that she couldn't call her husband. Wifey was livid, once again, at her mother's dumb move coupled with stubbornness and sanctimoniousness. I was out to dinner with Dr. Barry, and Wifey texted me about this -- using language about her mother one usually doesn't associate with a nice, Jewish daughter. I showed Barry. He laughed -- really shocked. So it'll be back to square one. As Barry reminded me, these issues don't last forever. In the mean time, there's a benefit. Wifey, unlike most of us aging Boomers, has LOW blood pressure -- not high. She actually has to add salt to her diet. Her mother's confounding nature will be a benefit -- each encounter will raise Wifey's systolic many points... She really is a caring mother to Wifey...