The Retro-Spectascope

 During my first year as a lawyer, I was the briefcase schlepper for my boss Dan during a major products liability case, in which the Plaintiff's lawyer, Carl Rentz, sued a motorbike company (we repped the local store) for a bad design, in which Carl's speeding client was thrown off the bike and killed. This was in 1987, and I still recall it so well since it was the first big case I worked on -- the other lawyer, for the company, was Ben Reid. Rentz is long dead, after an awful set of years in a nursing home following a terrible crash where he, drunk, stumbled down the road near the Tiki Bar in Key Largo and was hit by a car. No idea about Reid. And Dan, my comically anti-semitic boss, is long dead, too.

But when Dad did closing, he coined what to me was a neologism: the retro-spectascope. That was a magical tool by which we could look back in time. Of course, Dan argued that looking through such a tool, no one would ever do something that would cause harm later, but since there was no such thing as this scope...well....how could you blame Dan's client for selling a dangerous motorcycle.

The jury didn't buy the argument. Rentz got, as I recall, a multi million dollar verdict, and this was back when these were big deals. Rentz was a hell of a trial lawyer and made tons of money before he took that fateful, drunken walk from the bar that night.

But I think about the retro-spectascope all the time. I wonder what I would have changed as a husband, parent, friend, and, well, man, had I known how my actions of decades ago would have played out.

When my kids are feeling at all mean, they tell me how they are "amazed" that Wifey and I (fill in the blank) when they were younger. Why did we (fill in the blank) when certainly we SHOULD have (fill in the blank).

Hey, I answer -- what are ya gonna do? We did our best, with our own limitations as people. All I know is, I remain confident that we did a pretty, pretty, pretty good job -- our family remains VERY close. Just last night, I told Dr. Barry about some info one of the Ds shared about her sister, and he remarked: "Wow -- your family is amazingly close -- that's a blessing and a curse."

And he's correct, of course.

I KNOW I messed up a lot with Wifey. I let a raging river's worth of water slide off my back with her, and now that I'm older, and call her out on many of her behaviors, she's understandably befuddled. "Wow. That NEVER bothered you before..." is a refrain I here a LOT from her. Whereas the truth is, things in fact DID bother me, but I chose to, as the line from "Frozen" goes, "Let it Go." Maybe I should have let far less go...

But to use any number of tired old cliches...the past is a canceled check, the past is water under the bridge, and without that retro=spectascope -- ain't nothing to do about our old mistakes.

On the positive side, this all leads to a rarefied place. Judge Murray Meyerson, one of my favorite people, and a true dispenser of life knowledge, used to love to share that mistakes lead to experience, and experience leads to...WISDOM. Ah yes, Mt. Wisdom -- a place where an older person may perch, like a majestic eagle, and know much more than he did decades ago.

I got a lovely call Friday night, on the way home from dropping the grandsons home -- from a dear friend of Jonathan's, thanking me for referring him to a young lawyer for the handling of his case -- the young lawyer, who I'll call Michael, since that's his name, settled what we used to call a "whippie," for whiplash -- a case where the client got no surgery or extensive treatment. By any reasonable analysis, the result should have been in the mid 5 figures. Michael got this young man WELL over 6 figures. And the young man was thrilled.

I got off the phone, and recalled how I used to think referring folks to other lawyers, or doctors, or really anyone, like plumbers or electricians, was no big deal. But I have come to learn it IS a big deal -- when you're rich, as Tevye sang, they think you really know, and my referrals have some weight. So these days, if I am not confident about a referral, I simply beg off. I guess this is some of that wisdom.

So I plan to keep on doing nothing but my best. I shall be judicious with my advice -- not just spout it off like I used to. I will say when I really do know something, and when I am merely speculation.

And I guess, in the years ahead, that damned retro-spectascope will show where I screwed up. It works that way for all of us.