So a few weeks ago I told my neighbor, who I'll call Ellen, since that's her name, that I was not able to perform her daughter's wedding ceremony since we'll be on our cruise then, in January. No big problem -- they had 3 months to find a replacement, and the truth was I sort of barely knew the bride and groom anyway -- I was just a friendly neighbor they picked because they thought I was funny, it was an interfaith wedding, and, as Wifey figured, I was FREE. Ha! As if! Turns out she hates me now.
I told her and her husband the news and she truly reacted as if I was the doctor delivering awful news, and told me she was leaving on a 3 week vacation and "couldn't deal." Well yesterday am I saw her and her husband and said a hearty "Welcome home!" He nodded, and Ellen performed a maneuver I have only seen one other person perform: my late suegra Rachel.
Best I can describe it, it involves rolling your eyes while closing them, and looking away in utter disgust. I sort of chuckled to myself for the memories of my ancient suegra, who held grudges since WW II. And I don't mean, like understandable grudges, like involving Nazis, but rather relatives who weren't nice to her.
So now TWO of my women neighbors abhor me: Riva, since I told her to stop harassing me following 5 texts and calls about her stupid bike path petition, and now a woman whose daughter's life I have apparently ruined. As Tony S says -- "Yeah -- but what are ya gonna do?"
Meanwhile, it was a delightful afternoon at the stadium yesterday, surrounded by those who don't have animus towards me. Norman and his brothers hosted a fine tailgate of Famous Dave's barbecue, and supplemented by smokemaster Rob's delicious balls -- bacon wrapped around sausage with 5 different cheeses. DEE - licious, as Norman's beloved late Dad used to say...
Norman bought a new tent, which was enormous. I immediately called it the "GOP Party Tent," as years ago they claimed their party had room for everyone. Maybe not so much anymore.
Kenny and I left during the 3rd quarter, as post game traffic is awful given the construction at Golden Glades. Indeed -- the smoothest ride home all season, and although I was home before 8 pm, with the time change it seemed like 11 pm.
Today I got a surprise visit -- D1 had a client in Pinecrest, and dropped off the Skittish Spaniel Lemon -- he's vacationing here for the week on account of a busier than normal schedule pre T Day. After our appointment, we met at Joanna's and she had them make her a salad she said would cost $900 -- it was actually closer to $20. I bought a couple of $17 sandwiches for Wifey and myself, and sat with D1 as I ate half of one -- a signature turkey job called "The Feast." It is indeed a great sandwich.
She left for home, and all I have on the schedule today is watching to see if the hapless Dolphins have ANY hap, probably while taking a double Spaniel nap.
Right now, WDNA is on the Sonos, playing my favorite of their shows: Blues Sunday. I immediately recognized the dulcimer voice of Robert Cray, an old favorite, and a fellow I met at Tobacco Road back in the late 80s. Wow -- probably near 4 decades past now.
It's funny about Ellen. Wifey reminded me that when we moved in 25 years ago, she and her husband came by to greet us -- they were here 5 years before. We hadn't met them, but had many folks in common, and after the visit, we realized Ellen had literally shit talked the majority of folks who came up.
We knew then we would NEVER become friends, but morning walks would be fine. Ellen has active feuds going on with most of the neighbors -- so now I'm on the list.
Maybe I'll confine my walks now to the streets where neither Riva nor Ellen live. Nah...
I was sharing this news Friday night with Barry, and he found it hilarious that I even mentioned it. I reminded him that I need SOMETHING to keep my mind active about, now that I'm not lawyering much.
I fear checking my ratings as a wedding officiant on Yelp. Zero stars. DO NOT RECOMMEND.
No comments:
Post a Comment