Catching Up With D1

 So since I'm old as fuh, my Ds are grown ass women, with lots of stuff going on in their lives, including a 5 year old and 3 year old for D1, and a furry child (hopefully to be followed by a human one) for D2. It's VERY rare for Wifey and I to get some alone time, especially with D1, but this past weekend was a happy exception.

The boys were in Naples watching their uncle's soccer team, and she had some professional business in our neck of the woods, and so she spent a few nights with us.

She was busy -- on calls most of the time -- but it still brought back memories of the old days.

She was fighting a sore throat, and wanted to get checked for strep, even though it was improving, and Saturday made an appointment at a close by CVS Urgent Care, located inside of a Target. I drove her over, and recalled it was D2's favorite Target. That's because when she and Jonathan first moved back to Miami, we shopped there one evening for all her needed supplies, and of course I paid for the big cart of stuff -- we joked that it was the "Magic Target" since you could get whatever you wanted and it was free!

Yeah -- I never had that sort of magic once I was a grown up -- but so is the fate of the noble mule that a man of his family becomes...

Anyway, D1 got the test and it was negative, as I suspected, and we decided to bring in some dinner -- we had plans we cancelled for a nice Italian place in the Gables. D1 pre-empted: "NOT DiNapoli." She knows that's our local red sauce spot, but she eats better than we do, and I suggested Anna Capri, more of a gourmet Italian, where I hadn't been in a decade.

Anna Capri is a local favorite -- upscale Italian -- but I had a bad experience there with a snooty host and banned them. Wifey and I wandered in one Saturday evening, and asked for a table. The jerk laughed out loud -- "We are the finest Italian restaurant in Miami. We have no openings like that!" So I went into jerk mode, too, telling him that in fact Il Gabbianno is far and away the best Italian restaurant in Miami, and Salvatore 'D is the best in SW Miami Dade. He huffed and walked away. And I was done with them -- for a decade.

But his offense wasn't really a lifetime one, and I think he was long gone, so D1 and I walked in when they opened at 5 and placed our order. We sat at the bar waiting -- she had a hot tea and I a glass of Chianti, and the food came. D1 got salmon for herself and Wifey; I got eggplant parm.

When we brought it home and Wifey learned she was to eat healthy instead of pasta, she looked at the salmon and said "Ewwww" like the girls on LI used to say when they saw something "gross." But she survived -- eating only the "Well done" parts of what happened to be some really excellent salmon.

After the dinner 2/3 of us enjoyed, the women put on "Too Much," a series created by fat girl Lena Dunham, featuring a zaftig girl and her romantic adventures in London. Wifey and D1 enjoyed it. To be a good sport; I endured until the cutesy dialogue got to be too much and I went to my computer.

Yesterday we got to spend more time with D1, other than said session and calls. 

It was delightful. Since she's typically the high energy Mom, it was so nice to be able to really talk with her again, and rediscover how funny and charming she is as an individual -- not just as a young Mom and provider of our two gifts from the Big Man.

Speaking of whom...the older one starts Kindergarten this week! I reminded D1 how the little boy she carried grew older even though she didn't remember doing so...Yes...we're a "Fiddler" family of sentimental Ashkenazim.

D1 was up early, taking Lemon the skittish Spaniel to the vet. Poor guy, though young, needs a few teeth extracted -- his first year of poor care at a bad breeder set the tone.

Wifey and I really want to steal him. Wifey fashioned a note that said "If you really love me, let me live here where it's quiet and I can be the center of attention." D1 laughed, but reminded us Lemon was indeed HER dog.

The two ladies reached an accord. When Bo, the elderly, lethargic Spaniel crosses the Rainbow Bridge, Lemon can come live with us for awhile.

Since I enthusiastically oppose getting any new dogs, but would take on the housebroken and sweet Spaniel, this made me very happy. We haven't told Bo of these plans, lest he be upset thinking about canine mortality...

But all I

Baked Alaska

 So it's been a minute, as the cool young folks say, since we shared dinner with Loni and Mike. They bought a house in western NC and spend lots of the Summer there, and we did see them for their grandson's one year old birthday, and had one dinner last VD at the former Shula's. But we missed them, and last night worked out for our meeting.

D1 was here following a local appointment, and she greeted her former AP English teacher and uncle of another brother -- I poured champagne and we toasted -- D1's friend Alyssa just had a baby boy! Alyssa and Freddy were, we thought, not in the market for kids, but at 37 Alyssa changed her mind, and a new little guy arrived at South Miami Hospital.

Mike drove us in his plush Jaguar SUV to Christy's, and it was same as it ever was. They celebrated their engagement there 39 years ago, and our server was a good deal younger than 39. We had some adult beverages, except for Wifey, and feasted on steaks, skins, salads, and fine company. For dessert, we went with their old school Baked Alaska -- something you don't often find anymore, except, I guess, on cruise ships for old people.

Mike and Loni had ordered it back in 1986, and it was still delicious last night.

Man -- how have more than 4 decades run past? How have we young grad students and teacher become grandparents? Our memories made together are so precious, and of course we spoke of the upcoming Canes season -- 3 weeks from tomorrow -- Notre Dame, our hated rival!

Loni is the only one still in the elderly parent business -- her Mom Marcia is 90 and living in Atlanta. Marcia was going to be moved back to Miami, as Loni is the main caregiver, but all agreed a move would be too stressful on her -- so Loni travels to the ATL often. The good news is it's on the way to their place in western NC. The bad news is we all agreed none of us are fans of ATL -- lots of traffic and far less to do than in our 305. But hey -- to each their own.

We drove home sated and happy. I slept until 8 -- for me, that's like a normal person sleeping until noon. D1 left for pilates -- Wifey just came down to let our affable exterminator access to the second floor.

My typical morning constitutional has been rained out, at least until the afternoon. We plan to savor having our D1 sans boys -- probably a nice dinner tonight.

She's already seeing this time rush that comes with kids -- her oldest starts kindergarten this week. From kindergarten until teenage years seems to come absurdly fast.

I hope I'm around to see. And hell -- maybe we'll celebrate a family milestone and introduce the boys to Baked Alaska...

Kids Are A Young Parents' Game

 So Saturday D1 came with the boys, and invited 2 OTHER Moms with their kids, too -- lovely ladies from Dallas and the UES, with twin girls and a toddler boy. Little Man said later the toddler was "peach colored," which he in fact was -- adorable all around.

The Moms gave in to my offer of cocktails, and I poured a few vodka tonics and vodka without tonic for myself. It was delightful -- the kids ended up swimming, as we watched, and all swam wonderfully. I ordered some Anthony's Coal Fired pizzas, salads, and wings -- unfortunately Wifey was fatigued and needed to rest when the food came -- so I hosted like a bachelor grandpa.

The Mom friends had a lovely time -- really appreciated a grandparent taste. And then D1 left for home with Baby Man, leaving Little Man here for a fun filled sleepover.

I usually tell him tales of the "Night Bird," which I used to tell the Ds -- a hero bird who flies only at night and rescues lost children and animals, on sea or land. Little Man loves it, but this time HE told us the tale, and it was quite good, about a little boy starting kindergarten who was scared and the Night Bird came to his window to tell him everything would be fine. Curious -- Little Man starts kindergarten in less than 2 weeks!

As expected, at first light he woke me, and headed to House of Bagels, where, sure enough, our bagel girl was there -- she of the VERY white complexion and VERY Black speech. 2 young guys were outside and high fived Little Man for his Panthers jersey, given to him by Norman. He loved it.

But alas -- there were no black and white cookies, so we stopped at Roasters, just as they were opening at 7, and got one, and a happy faced cookie, and a few free cookies thrown in. The plan was to bring the extra cookies to Baby Man, but they had to survive the maw of Wifey first, which they did not...

Later Sunday, Wifey was still wiped out, and so I drove Little Man home. D1 and Baby Man were napping, so we hung out quietly, and then D1 told us she had ANOTHER Mom/kid gettie planned. I said hello to the new set of guests and high tailed it home -- this old guy couldn't take two straight days of little kid parties. This is definitely a young persons' game.

Yesterday D2 drove down to fetch HER baby -- the 95 lb Betsy. She told us one of the guests at her weekend at Lake Geneva was a Cubana from Miami also named Betsy, so the whole time they had to differentiate between "human Betsy" and "dog Betsy..."

We spent some nice time with her, and then she was off to the Shores, leaving us with just the elderly, Special Needs Spaniel, and D1's Spaniel Lemon, who Wifey is scheming to take from D1. D1 is plenty busy with the boys -- we'll see if she relents -- assuming VERY liberal visitation rights.

Today Wifey is hosting her mah jonng group, and my plan is to flee. Luckily Norman is free for dinner, and we have plans to meet at a place TBD. We have critical things to discuss -- Canes first game is 3 weeks from Sunday!

Ah, that most wonderful time of the year...

The Calm Before The Happy Storm

So around 1 or so, D1 is due here with a car packed with 2 boys and 2 dogs. She's been watching Betsy, the enormous puppy, while D2 and Jonathan are in Lake Geneva, WI, enjoying some cool breeze lake time with some couples' friends, one of whose family owns a kick ass house up there. Turns out Lake Geneva is the go-to escape for Chicago and Milwaukee folks...

Since D1 is always overflowing with energy, she also invited a nice family she's met -- NY transplants who moved to Palmetto Bay with twin 4 year old girls. Could she invite them? Of course, I said right away, and Wifey said after a few moments of griping about it. I reconnoitered yesterday during an evening walk -- there are still a few mangoes on the ground, so we can take the covered wagon on a "mango hunt," which Little Man loves, though he reminds us that it only works when his tall Tio Jonathan is along so he can jump into the branches and pull down some of the fruit.

If the new Dad or Mom is a drinker, I shall fix some adult beverages. If not, I shall not.

But it's lovely to have our usually VERY quiet and chill house buzzing with kids and dogs who actually act like dogs, as opposed to our Special Needs Spaniel Bo who rarely moves -- for hours at a time.

The plan is for D1 to leave Little Man and Betsy and Lemon here overnight, so Little Man can wake me at the crack of dawn, and we can make our usual trip to House of Bagels where the retired professor will be outside drinking his coffee and eating his bagel and reading his Sunday Times, and the sweet counter girl, who is VERY white and VERY American and speaks VERY inner city Black greets us and fills our order.

At some point, we will load Betsy and Little Man into the car and re-home both of them, so that D2 and Jonathan can return home later tomorrow evening to a very happy half Great Pyrenees and half Golden Retriever. They love that dog bigly.

I'm saving up my energy for later -- worked out yesterday AND walked my 3 miles -- this am it's just coffee and chilling. I have zero doubt the energy level will be rising here in a few hours.

Wifey and I blasted "Untamed" and enjoyed it. Sam Neill plays an older park ranger, the boss of the main character, played by Eric Bana, and there's a scene where he (Sam Neill) is playing with his granddaughter. He says "I love being a grandpa, but I am TOO damn old to be raising a kid anymore."

Amen. I totally relate to that. Parenting is for the young. Grandparenting -- caring for the kids in, to use our late friend Elizabeth's malaprop, works in small dosages. 

Our former neighbor was my age, and had a whole slew of new babies with his 30 year younger wife. He had plenty of money to pay for nannies, but I would still shudder when I saw myself in that role. Been there. Done that, Paid for college and grad school and took them around the world.

My time has passed. 

But today -- bring 'em on! Ready to run around, walk around with wagons and large dogs -- hell -- maybe even swim.

If only these arthritic joints hold out...

Saber Toothed Tigers

 The history of Humanity is fraught with tragedy. Thousands of years ago, children were snatched up and eaten routinely, by creatures like saber-toothed tigers. Turns out even in modern times, in more rural areas like in Africa and North Florida, kids still get taken and eaten.

These days, though, the reasons for tragedy are violence and carelessness, by other humans. And boy was last week filled with them.

Locally, a moronic barge and tug  captain somehow missed a sailboat in his path, despite perfect conditions, and ran over the camping boat. Two beautiful little girls killed, and according to my friend Joel, who knows one of the families, a third will be leaving us soon as well. Three gorgeous, full of life little girls whose parents just wanted them to be happy and live great lives, enhancing the childhoods by putting them in an old Miami camp that teaches them how to sail.

I can't even imagine the pain. Michelle, the friend close to the parents of the lingering child, must be beside herself. I'm just grateful that Dr. Barry no longer works in the PICU -- he'd have been there absorbing this abject misery. He directs said docs now, but better he keep that distance. As men age, we become more sentimental, and though a young doc's passion to save kids got him through, being closer to grandparenthood than fatherhood is unbearable, I would think.

In NYC a maniac who played high school football and no further decided his loser life was the fault of the NFL, since they "cover up" head injuries. So he strolled into a Midtown office building and shot and killed an off duty NYC cop -- a Bangladeshi immigrant living the American dream, a Haitian security guard, and 2 women business executives, both Ivy League grads -- the youngest just a few years out of Cornell.

Of course, D1 had a connection -- her rich NYC friend's cousin was friends with one of the victims, and reported that the funeral for the rising star was the saddest day of her life.

We invest SO much into our kids, and getting them educated at top colleges is an amazing milestone -- let alone the blessings of seeing them married and becoming parents. And then, in the proverbial NY minute, some loser from Vegas comes in and takes a ballpeen hammer to the beautiful stain glass life we create.

Indeed, life throws us a lot of wrinkles, as my CPA Mark malapropped -- and I guess you just have to accept that.

But again, it gives perspective. There's no "getting over" what happened to the Miami Beach or NYC families. I know -- in my career I repped more families who lost children than I care to recall. Typically the surviving parents would divorce -- unable to look at each other with that never ending grief.

And for those of us dealing with normal ups and downs -- shame on us for EVER feeling they are more than the hill of beans Bogart spoke about in Casablanca.

On a happy note, after a lovely afternoon in the Grove with my partner and brother Paul, where we ate and talked for hours, I came home to a call from Barry -- in the hood on his never ending search for a new car. Was I home? I was.

I ordered us some Carrot Express wraps, and poured ourselves the last of the Stoli Elit Mirta had given me for my birthday. And we and Wifey talked, and talked, and talked -- about how a simple act in one's life affects so many others.

In Barry's case, it was dipping on his commitment to live with Eric and me for the '83-'84 academic year -- his senior year of college and Eric and my first in grad school. That caused Eric and me to have to scramble to find alternate digs, which we did, and living upstairs was...Wifey. 

I made sure to thank Barry profusely for what he did and what that meant.

Nice to laugh on a Wednesday evening, heartily. Tough to think of all the tears.

Changes

 So Monday afternoon I headed over to see my longtime family friend and former English professor Judy. It was a delightful 2.5 hour visit. Her house is a time machine -- all, except for an addition put on 5 years ago to house her daughter, grandson, and then newly sick son in law, is the same as it was when I visited in 1980. She led me to a chrome and leather chair, saying, "They don't look comfortable, but they are." I told her she told me that in 1980, and it was and is, true!

Sarah and Jacob joined us, and the talk was of Indiana U, where Jacob is enrolling this Fall -- his grandparents' alma mater. He's a delightful young man -- I only met him at his bris and at his grandfather's funeral -- but he is nice and charming and cool -- he and his best friend since pre school will be roommies at Bloomington. I told him my best friends and I, mostly, met when we were his age, and keeping these brothers was one of my life's biggest gifts.

Judy and I caught up on things past and present. I told her that as I approached 64 I had become insufferable to Wifey, with all of my wisdom and insight -- most of which is that the older wisdom and insight was WAY off. I told her about my CPA Mark's terrific mixed metaphor -- "Life sure does throw you wrinkles," and that I was going to adopt it as a new credo. 

Her son in law was diagnosed in his late 50s with the worst kind of Alzheimers -- Lewy Body Dementia. He has lived in a nursing home for years, and now, at 67, is essentially vegetative. Yes -- Judy knows about the wrinkles life throws you.

Wifey reminded me that Judy is an expert in Medieval Literature, and that D1 has developed quite an interest in those times. I think the two of them would enjoy a talk -- I told Judy I would set up another visit -- as I knew that when Jacob left for college, both Judy and Sarah would get some blues. Hopefully that happens in the Fall.

I had some business in the Grove with my crazy friend Joel, and I was minutes away, and so went to his house in The Moorings -- probably the best 'hood in Miami. He poured a vodka for me and said "Let's go out on my boat." I refused -- there had been a fatal crash earlier in the day that took the lives of 2 sailing campers, and was probably going to take the life of the 3rd. Fine, Joel said, let's just walk, but then using the persuasive powers that makes him a top Miami criminal defense guy, I was shanghaied and we were soon trolling out the canal, past the $40 million mansions of his 'hood. 

It was gorgeous on the Bay. I FaceTimed D2 -- she got a huge kick out of her Dad weekday drinking on a boat. Joel and I talked of life, and cases. He knew well Roy Black, who just died, and we talked of those days of yore when Miami had the top SA in the Country, Richard Gerstein, and top PD, Bennett Brummer. Those offices produced the top criminal lawyers in the US -- Joel's Dad Jack is one of them.

Joel and Courtney have 2 boys in college and one still in high school. I told him I was "only" 13 years away from taking my grandson to college -- and somehow kindergarten turns into college freshman year absurdly quickly.

So it was a real Manic Monday, as Prince wrote -- a great one.

Last night young Michael, the young PI lawyer I have been mentoring for a decade, asked to be inducted into the Fox's club -- our local tavern. We met -- the mentee is FAR smarter and more accomplished than the former mentor. We had a delightful time -- his wife is D1's dear friend and former sorority sister from UF -- and they have 2 boys close in age to our grandsons.

Ah -- the next generation. They'll learn more than I'll ever know, in this wonderful world of changes.

Tropical Birthday

 So my brother of another mother Barry turned 62 on Thursday, and that night went to The Palm with Donna and Josh for his birthday steak. Friday -- would we meet at Tropical Chinese, to keep the celebration going? OF COURSE we would.

I signed on to Eric and Dana's Zoom, and wished Godspeed to Josh and Alex and their kids -- left yesterday for a new start in Atlanta, close to Alex's sister and I think, moving from Boca mother. As Eric and I discussed ad nauseum during our 2 weeks in Central Europe, we can think we set up our lives and the adult lives of our kids a certain way, but then they show the truth of my twisted Billy Joel lyric: You don't care what I say anymore this is YOUR life.

I'm sure they'll soar there. Hell -- if you're otherwise happy with your life, you soar anywhere.

Wifey has a mah jonng friend, second generation Miami girl, whose 90 something mother just died. Karen sold the Grove Isle apartment, and initially decided to move to Williams Island, like many empty nester (and no longer caring for extreme elder parents) types do. But now she told Wifey she has a nephew and niece in, of all places, Birmingham, AL. What, Wifey asked, did I know about that place.

Well, as a Skynnerd fan, I know they love the governor there. Other than that, I see it routinely pops up on the list of "20 most miserable cities in the US," according to those articles based on, well, who knows? I know I would look at a move to Birmingham like a prison sentence. Truth is, I'd look at a move to Atlanta as one, too -- but maybe more of a minimum security, prison-camp type sentence.

But these are not my calls. All I do know is, if you have the means and opportunity -- use them to truly decide where you want to live -- and do it! Often jobs decide, or health issues, or economics. I got a call the other week from a young IT guy who simply couldn't afford South Florida -- he found a gorgeous house in a smaller NC city and is happy as a clam there. So I get that.

As for me -- well -- I spent a lot of time with the thought experiments involved in downsizing to a smaller house in Miami Shores -- hell -- staying in County. And the conclusion of these experiments was -- nah -- I like it just where I am. Wifey is none too pleased -- but she plays the long game -- a rich widowhood will let her go wherever she chooses. She might even pick Atlanta!

Meanwhile, Friday was delightful -- we talked of old times and today, and realized we've been celebrating this birthday thing together for more than 4 and a half decades. Barry ordered some exotic vodka and sake cocktails, and I strayed from my usual vodka only in his honor. I toasted that he make it to 120!

Yesterday, Wifey and I watched Part II of the great Billy Joel bio. We really enjoyed it -- he's a long time favorite, and a true Nassau County blue collar Jew like me. Of course, he couldn't make a permanent go of it with 3 wives, including a super model. I've kept MY super model nearly 39 years...

Another week awaits. Norman noted that there were FAR too many July deaths -- foremost to us, of course, 2 great Dads -- Max and Bill. We're all hoping for this month to end -- and it will, on Thursday. 

Far better to celebrate birthdays than attend funerals. Hopefully that trend stays for awhile...